I know it can be better.

What do you want? I'm not being a smart ass, just getting you to focus.
Think about what you really want, you have to have a reason to help give you strength and focus.
Read and learn here if you haven't already. Do it a lot. There is a wealth of experience here, as sad as it is, and people willing to help with their experience.
Make a plan, write it down, make it as solid as you can. Share it with your wife and discuss it, she probably has some great input.
Make an emergency plan for when things get hard, because they will. Keep in mind the hard times do pass.
Stay open with your wife and honest. Be honest with yourself.
Keep asking questions here and come here if you are having a hard time.
Welcome to the community. We are all fighting together.

 

Great to hear. Listen, you can do this. Hear it, you can do this. Know it, you can do this.
Best wishes brother.

 

Yes, you can do this! Just one cent from me. Guilt and pride are two sides of the same coin called ego. Neither is helpful when it comes to living in the present and remaining calm and vigilant, which is what it really boils down to in dealing with our negative habit patterns. If our previous habits have brought us to here and now and made us deal with whatever that we are dealing with, let's be sure our right actions from here on will direct us towards a better, meaningful life. Best wishes bro!

 

Therapist, 12 steps program or nofap these are all diffetent tools to reach deep within us and deal with the stuff we have been avoiding and once we deal with it we will stop medicating ourselves. Keep coming , read and write generously and you will find the reasons for your wanting to want.

Good luck!

 

Thanks for sharing your story brother.
Much of your situation sounds similar to mine. Both the good and not so good stuff. Have been in this quagmire 20+ years and have found myself in places online where no one should be (morally or legally). It’s a second identity and it’s crap. I’m done with it. It’s not me. It’s crushed me.
I’ve found it a huge help to know I’m not the only one in this situation, which reading these forums has provided. Just cause we feel like scumbags doesn’t mean we are, or have to be. It’s possible to break out and do better. We can redeem ourselves.
More practically, have found it helpful to keep reminding myself that this is no different to quitting cigarettes, or other drugs for that matter. Maybe it takes a few decent tries before it sticks.
My mind subtly tries to rationalise why I should relapse. It knows my weaknesses. My plan has been to identify high risk relapse times (for me, mornings when wife at gym, or late when everyones asleep, etc) and make sure I have no access, or am suitably distracted. Or even just be mindful that I’m in a risk time that I need to ride through.
I’ve made NoFap the homepage on the browser I usually use to access P. First thing I see if I open it.
I’ve put a handful of games apps on my phone- lots of activity and colours. Use those to ride through urges; try to hit some dopamine receptors for 5min.
I’ve also made it my mantra- to repeat over and over when feeling at risk of relapse: “Never again. Not going back to hell”. There is no convincing reason to relapse.

At the moment I’m 7 days off it. Not a long time, but already am feeling more on top of it than past attempts. Reckon this is my 4th real attempt.
Took me half a dozen times to quit smoking, but I did it. I can do this.

Hang in there man and keep trying. Picture how good it’ll feel to be free.
We’ve got your back.

 

2 reasons I was able to stop. Both HUGE IMO. Without either i feel there would have been no way for me to pull out of my nose dive.

The first reason was i truly hated living a secret life of shame.

The second, my wife.

These two reasons combined is why I haven't used P or M for 56 days. That isn't to say it has been easy because it hasn't but her continued support(although it may not feel like it at times which i think is normal) has made me realize I've got too much to lose to not let go of the shame I carry and commit to recovery.

She gave me an ultimatum when I confessed my addiction to her. She also showed me nofap. I can confidently say if it were not for her I would still be living in a world of shame and emptiness.

She has taken the time to learn about my addiction. Trys to understand my perspective. Trys to understand how it relates to her. Trys to understand how to deal with the betrayal trauma I have caused her. A truly remarkable woman.

Great way to put it I think. It's about the only feeling I was able to help my wife relate to the feeling that happens before using P since she was a smoker in the past.

All very helpful techniques.

Does your wife know anything about nofap or your addiction?

 

This is a good recommendation that i began to use. Got me past a week.
http://www.nofapacademy.com/downloads/Brain-Hacks.pdf
go skim over this. hope it's useful for you

 

Welcome to the community. It's not an easy battle for sure.
I saw you said that you haven't expressed this to your wife yet. In this case I am happy you are hear to read and learn from those of us who have made that mistake and those who have opened up.
I'm sure you are thinking about it. Please keep reading here a lot.
Best wishes to you both brother.