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For anyone who thinks they've lost (Especially if you're under 18)

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by LetsJustCallItOff, Jul 27, 2018.

  1. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    Hey all,

    My name is Marcus and I'm a pornography addict and I have been since I was around 10. I'm 18 and I'm pretty pleased to say that today I've reached 90 days and for me that's an extremely big achievement, as for the 4 or so years I've been doing this I often relapsed daily or weekly, seeing no real improvement and no light at the end of the tunnel. For me, PMO seemed like something I'd be addicted to my entire life and it would have been, if it weren't for some things that happened me along the way.

    I'd like to begin with saying that giving up PMO, for me at least, wasn't a 'challenge' in the sense that it was a game. It was serious and affected a lot of my life in extremely negative ways and it related to a lot of past issues I had and situations I was exposed to. I've heard many times that the PMO addiction is not the problem, it is a symptom of the problem and this is true. Addiction often develops through things like dysfunctional living, through poor management of emotional trauma or isolation.

    Often, especially on this forum, I see people who believe the only way to stop a PMO addiction is to push as hard as you can, like a kind of warrior mentality - 'no pain, no gain' style. This might work for some, but for me this just made me feel small, fake and basically feel like shit. People with this mentality (including me at one point) often gave borderline abusive comments in order to 'encourage'. The only way to overcome such a personal problem related to you, is to be you. Pretending to be someone you're not only hurts yourself.

    So how did I end up fighting an addiction?

    Like many with a PMO addiction, it began when I was very young, at about 10. I was watching Family Guy, a show way above my age rating. There was a good reason for this, as it exposed me to some pretty mature situations like sex and masturbation. This led to me PMO'ing at this age without knowledge of how it would affect me.

    Fast Forward a bit to when I was 11, I PMO'ed twice a day until I was 14, still with no knowledge of the negative implications of this. This led to my grades falling, me moving schools (3 times) and having very few friends. At this point in my life, my mum had just gone through a big divorce and we'd moved house. My family was shaken up and no one really explained the divorce to me. My mum tried to date, but this often led to temporary figures within our household, often with issues of their own. This meant I was alone a lot of time as my mum was out sorting other things, leading to me developing a PMO problem.

    Around 14 or 15 I met a girl and I liked her a lot (for a 14 or 15 year old anyways) and eventually I dated her. This time was a real eye opener to me because I still had urges to PMO, despite having someone that I really liked. At this time I'd go on Google and search 'Is porn addictive?' and click on some YahooAnswers link where someone else had asked the same question and there would be a series of answers basically being like 'No, that's stupid', 'No, anyone who wants you to believe that is just a part of a cult' or 'I do it 50 times a day and I'm fine!'. Let me tell you, I was not fine; my life was a mess in a lot of ways.

    This carried on a long while until I finally gave up believing it wasn't a problem and found Nofap. Nofap was a lifesaver for me as it gave me a place where I could be myself and tell others about the issues I thought I was facing and have them help me in a time where I thought I had no one else. I still relapsed every day, pretty much, but now I had accountability partners; I was talking about why and how I got to this point; I was watching YouTube videos about it! For once in my life it felt like others were struggling with the same things as me and becoming better people by getting through it! At this time however, I turned to gaming. This was another great addiction for me and I'm affected till this day from the consequences of it. I used to game from 10am to 10pm daily. I even used to game in the 30 minutes I had before school. It was World of Warcraft, CSGO, Minecraft, you name it, I've played it (except DOTA, I'm not that much of a nerd (joking)).

    At first, I could only go about half a day without PMO'ing (as I used to do it twice a day). So in the first few weeks I cut it down to about once a day. It then went on to once every other day and then once every 3 days and then once a week, until I'd mess it all up and it'd come crashing down and I'd be back in square one (sound familiar?). At one point I even reached 77 days, but this quickly and severely came crashing down when the girl I previously talked about started liking someone else. In short, that 77 days was based off weak foundations. It wasn't sustainable and I hadn't sorted out some of the major problems which had caused me to PMO in the first place. During this time I moved house again, which basically caused the whole cycle to continue.

    At the end of my 16th year, I moved house and schools... again. This time we moved to the countryside in the middle of Wales. I had no friends, my college was an hour on the train and I felt scared, isolated and alone. This was a very dark period in my life. I often used to cry all day and cry myself to sleep. My day was filled with playing online games, watching films and having sporadic bouts of depression, anger and sadness. The 3rd of my big addictions came at this point, and I'll refer to it as my 'sexting' addiction, although it was more just flirting and talking, but sometimes it did lead to low level sexting of sorts. This then meant my day was filled not just with gaming, but sexting. I used to go this all day from when I woke up till 5am. I didn't eat properly, I hardly slept and I hardly talked to anyone. I spoke to about 60 girls a day, everyday for about a year. I had regular arguments with all of my family members and often broke down daily. This was the lowest point in my life.

    On my 18th birthday, I sat in a dark country lounge, with my mum and her partner sitting with me, with little conversation between us. I got so depressed on that day I just cried and cried and cried. My family was angry with me that day as it was meant to be a happy day, but in my mind it just signified how low I'd stooped.

    After that day, something started to change. It wasn't the age i was, the significance of the day, but was the relationship I formed with a close friend. She had always been a good friend, but we never saw each other that much. She'd be my ray of sunshine when I was having a particularly bad day. On an extremely bad day in late October, we both went to a Halloween party and we basically broke down to one another. She had suffered from lots of issues, which were opposite to mine. Her boyfriend, also my best friend at the time, was extremely abusive to her and forced a lot of sexual acts. She was broken, like me, and eventually she stopped seeing her boyfriend and, after a long while, we started going out.

    We went through a year of stress, strain and tears, but together, we got out of it. We made strong foundations and we built and built and built. We're always here for each other 24/7 and we will be indefinitely. When one of us falls, the other stops them from falling all the way down and then slowly, but surely we reach a little ledge and then, eventually, the top of that very big mountain we're both climbing. She and I still struggle with our past experiences, but simply having someone there to talk about it helps immensely.

    The end of my low period happened to me when I was at my lowest and when I found someone else who was at the bottom with me too. It was by chance in a sense, but what I'm trying to say is that eventually, a time will come when life will just get better. It takes hard work, but you must be patient. It might not be tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year, but the time will come when you will succeed and pass this point in your life. Getting over something as big as PMO doesn't happen overnight and it certainly doesn't happen by pushing yourself to the limit everyday and practising self hate. It doesn't come from changing your image. It doesn't come from having a girlfriend. It doesn't come from moving on. It comes from delving into all your problems, talking through them and sorting them out, helping others overcome their own problems and becoming open and honest with what you suffer from.

    The best thing I ever did was tell me close family I had a PMO addiction. I urge anyone who has not done this to give this a go. It took me about a year for my family to truly accept and understand what a PMO addiction is, but today they support me in every way they can. I urge anyone who hasn't told their partner they have a PMO addiction to go and tell them. In my opinion, they deserve to know, and they deserve to know you for who you are. If I was to pinpoint the moment when my life got better it would be those 2 moments, when I told my family and my girlfriend (at the time friend) everything I suffer from in terms of addiction. It's like 4 people are fighting my addiction now, not just 1. Even though my mum and my brother can't help that much, I know they're always there and they support me everyday. We're a much stronger unit today because of all of that.

    This month I even told my closest friends I have a PMO addiction and they all understood. In fact, they all respected me and now, I know, they'll try their hardest to help me too. It's now 7 people against 1 addiction:) Today, if anyone asked if I watch porn, I wouldn't hold back. I would tell them straight out 'I had a pornography addiction' and I would explain as much as they wanted, because there is nothing to be ashamed of. Never be ashamed of being you. If people turn their nose, just let them. They just don't understand and may never will, but those who do will be there to support you for the rest of your life.

    Things that worked for me:

    Although I've listed a fair few of the things which helped me in overcoming this addiction, here's a load more which really helped me progress:
    • Installing Covenant Eyes (or at least some form of web filter), but for me Covenant Eyes worked well as #1 I had to pay for it and #2 I couldn't get round it, unlike many of the free web filters (K9 and alike software). It's important you have plans to remove these filters when ready and transition slowly back into normal internet usage (ie when you're fully better).

    • Talking daily about my addiction on the phone with my girlfriend about why I have a pornography addiction, what we can actively do to help solve it and passed experiences.

    • Talking to my girlfriend on the phone whenever I had an urge to PMO

    • Getting rid of my iPhone during my reboot and replacing it with a simple Nokia brick phone – this stopped me from using my phone’s internet, using twitter, Instagram etc. If anyone has doubts about this method, I can assure you that it worked extremely well for me. I'm still a little self conscious about using a brick phone, but most people don't really care. Again, there must be plans to transition back into normal smartphone usage when ready and be prepared to go back to the brick phone if needed.

    • Solving related issues in my life - my parents' divorce, my perfectionist mentality, my relationship with family members, how I treat and look at women. I did this simply by talking them through with my girlfriend and/or family.

    • Setting a time where my internet cuts off using Covenant eyes – stopped me using the internet late into the night. This happens at 10PM.

    • Removing my newsfeed on Facebook – stopped triggers on facebook and stopped me endlessly scrolling which is addictive. I did this by installing a Chrome addon called 'News Feed Eradicator'.

    • Telling my girlfriend everything about my porn addiction (I mean everything, from genres to websites to specifics of encounters online – everything (of course this was over a 3-month period))

    • Accepting that I’m and others around me aren’t perfect – we’re all human and you have to treat yourself like one. This mean sleep well, eat well and let yourself relax. Stop beating yourself up all the time! Smile in a mirror sometimes, I bet your smile looks great!

    • Respect yourself – (okay this is similar to the last one) if you beat yourself up all the time about the way you look, the way you act, the way you deal with things you won’t make much progress. Treat yourself nicely.

    • Accept who you are and embrace it – this is a very important one. Those who aren’t themselves and be different people to impress others will never be truly happy. If you like to dance, then fucking dance; join a dance club. If you want to be an artist, be an artist; start to draw! If you don’t like having short hair, then grow it long! Who cares. Let people love you for you, because YOU are the one we’re trying to bring back by recovering from this pornography addiction! The day I stopped putting gel in my hair to spike it up into a quiff was the happiest day of my life and what’s more people loved my hair without it. The day I started doing things that I enjoyed, I met others who like the same things and think in similar ways to the way I think.

    • Reading addiction related books and self improvement books - don't take everything in them to heart because that can be damaging as sometimes people aren't accurate in these books or can be conflicting. This book which helped me the most was Terry Crews' 'Manhood'. This might not appeal to some, but this was a real eye opener for me. It basically talks about his life and his recovery from porn addiction. For me a foreshadowed a lot of the negative consequences of pornography addiction and led me to talk about it to people sooner. It also gave me hope that there's a brighter future ahead of me.

    • Watching 30 minutes of YouTube videos about nofap everyday – this worked for a while when I first started out but wasn’t sustainable as I ran out of videos to watch and many videos were unhelpful, had triggers or had conflicting statements. Many YouTubers which cover PMO addiction are not over it themselves (ie the blind leading the blind issue) and many have different points to which they say they're recovered.

    • 15-minute workouts daily - these are quick, fun and make you feel pretty good. Don't beat yourself up if you don't manage to do one everyday, but try to! They make me feel really good to be me and lead to the added bonus that I get a bit fitter! They also help me with eating properly, which I struggle with a bit.
    Things which didn’t work for me

    I've tried everything (and I mean everything) to try to overcome my PMO addiction. So here's a list of things which really didn't work and I can probably say won't work for you either:

    • Hypnotism videos – these are fucking stupid and did literally nothing to help me.

    • Accountability groups – for me these were just a mess of people trying and failing constantly, with no real direction and a lot of regression. These probably help a lot of people, but I have been in many and have seen people stuck in the same position for years.

    • Accountability partners – In trust, they did help me in my early years to open up, but by no means were a 'solve all'. They do work for some, but not for me. Almost all of my accountability partners stopped talking, gave up or weren’t really set on improving. At one point I had an older accountability partner, as I thought that they may be experienced in stopping PMO. In truth he was very sexual with me at one point, which was extremely inappropriate and didn’t help me in the slightest. Pretty disgusting (so seriously watch out for those people especially teens and minors). Talking to people you don't know is very risky, especially when it comes to things so sexual and when dealing with people with sexual problems.

    • Managing accountability groups – this just led to me spending a lot of my time sorting out stupid problems, which were often underlyingly sexual. I managed a big group 60+ and constantly members were breaching rules, being unhelpful and it was just a lot of hassle. It didn’t help me at all. This got me sucked into platforms like kik, which is basically an addiction unto itself. It can regress to talking to others on social media platforms and sexting addictions.


    • Speaking to a standard sexual health hotline – this is good for some, as it probably depends on who you talk to. The girl that talked to me was really unhelpful. She told me I didn’t have a porn addiction and that I was just using porn out of boredom. I feel she didn’t really have much of a clue and didn't help me in the slightest.


    • Messaging a porn star directly to ask for advice – a fucking stupid idea. Please never do this.

    • Turning to religion (Buddhism and Christianity) – I didn’t take this very seriously, but this didn’t actually offer any methods to solve my problems. I know it does help a lot of people, but for me (an atheist) it just felt flawed and didn't help. I do know a lot of people gain englighenmight from religion, but personally it just wasn't for me.


    • Filling my day completely so I had no time to watch porn – As a porn addict with a very short attention span, trying to fill my day is extremely hard. I still can’t do an activity for more than a good 30 minutes by forcing myself. This led to me feeling shit at the end of the day and turning to PMO as a consequence.

    • Gaming (or replacing my addiction with other habits) – I'm going to repeat this one, just because it's such a conflicted topic. If you're a PMO addict, you may be addicted to gaming too. It's extremely destructive and increased my attachment to my computer which I’m still struggling to overcome. It led to me staying up a lot of the night and engaging in other negative behaviours. If there is one thing that can help you progress, it’s to sell that computer and stop gaming for good.

    • Journaling – I would make a journal and forget to do a day and then give up. I’d also relapse so many times that I would just give up on it (I’ve had about 10 journals over the time I’ve been doing Nofap, none of which have been successful). It does seem to work for most others though.

    • Beating myself up when I relapse – my girlfriend has never got angry at me for watching porn, as she knows its not me. You must do the same if you’re going to show progress. Understand its wrong and work towards getting better. There’s going to be some slips, but eventually you’ll get there.



    • Not allowing myself to use the internet at all – I need the internet to talk to my friends (who live far away) and for college/future uni work. This just complicated my life basically.


    • Nofap apps on my iPhone – many demanded money, but the free ones were usually quite bad if I’m honest. They also increased my attachment to my phone.


    • Forcing myself to do sports or exercise I hated – this just made me feel like shit. Going from nothing to a 1-hour workout is unsustainable. You aren’t a superhero, treat yourself with respect.


    I know I haven't mentioned much about those 18 and under, but I honestly hoped this has helped those around my age to not do the things I did in recovery or at least provided some laughs along the way. The only way our society is going to progress with pornography addiction is if we learn from the mistakes and finding of others. I just wanted to give some finally tips to for those guys to stop them from being in the position I was:

    • Don't use Tinder with a porn addiction. In fact don't use any dating site with a porn addiction. They're designed to be addictive and you'll just be addicted to something else.
    • Love you family and your girlfriend or boyfriend (if you have one!) because they love you a whole lot too. They would do the world for you and they're here to help, just treat them with respect.
    • Be an advocate for porn addiction. Many, even with a PMO addiction, don't take it seriously, especially in public or with their friends. It's a serious thing and affects many people lives, don't joke about it or pretend it's not a thing.
    • Don't search for perfection in the person you love, because no one is perfect. Their flaws make them who they are.
    • Try stay out of your bedroom. I'm still bad at this, but the bedroom is one of the only places in a house where you can be totally isolated from everything.
    • If you struggle to stop using porn on your phone, give up your phone for a simple Nokia. There is no shame in it. People don't care. It helps you so much in recovery.
    • Sex can be a serious addiction too. If you have a partner, make sure you don't get addicted to sex or sexual acts.
    • Your partner is a person. Never treat them like a sexual object. He or she is your friend before your girlfriend or boyfriend; treat them like one.

    To those who think they've lost.

    I think you haven't. You're still here right? You're still fighting and you're still doing a whole lot more than anyone else around you. I've never met you, but I know you can keep going. I've been through shit. but eventually I got there. I'm on the other side now and it feels a hell of a lot better. Keep going, because eventually you'll be here too. You'll reach the end of the tunnel. You'll climb that mountain. You'll smile in the mirror and you'll mean it. Everything you want to be solved will be solved, you've just gotta keep going. I didn't get where I am by luck (although it probably seems it), I got here by working to overcome my addiction and trying my hardest to work with others. I got here by fighting and not stopping fighting. I got here by learning, talking and learning some more. If I can do it, someone who was blindly wandering their way into recovery, so can you. I know you can! (keep going!)

    If you want to ask me any questions I'll answer them as best I can, but no promises, as I'm an idiot (as previously explained;))

    Thanks for everyone's help on this forum. I wouldn't be where I am now without them,

    Marcus:)
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2018
  2. :) thank you for your knowledge
     
    LetsJustCallItOff likes this.
  3. Swagnation

    Swagnation Fapstronaut

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    That is some inspiring shit man. I can see in the way that you describe your experiences that you learned so much from all those years of suffering, and i'm really glad that you got out of it. I have one question for you; how is life at the moment? I really liked what you said in the last part of your post, that you are 'on the other side now'. I haven't had the same problems as you had, but i've had some other real fucked up problems, which still kinda continue to this day. Over the years i've learned a lot from my experiences in life, and i think i'm getting real close now to being a happy person (closer than i have ever been since like 5 years or something) but i don't know how life will be when i have succesfully eliminated all my problems. In this post it seems that you've eliminated all your problems and that you are a happy person now. So how is it? Perhaps you can give me something to look forward to! I'm 17 by the way
     
    LetsJustCallItOff likes this.
  4. Swagnation

    Swagnation Fapstronaut

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    One other thing: in what way did quitting PMO benefitted you? Was it more energy or more motivation, or something different?
     
  5. My first reply, having just signed up. Greetings fellow Brit. Your post is really rather insightful and mature, and as someone about twice your age, I wish I had discovered what you now know years ago. I'm quite new to all this, but already beginning to see just how far I have fallen. So, fix it...
     
  6. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    @Swagnation thank you man! It's nice to hear someone around our age getting over some of their personal problems. Also, if you ever need anyone to talk to about the specific problems you face, I can always talk them through with you on the forum, offer a helping hand or some advice through private messaging. I probably can't do much more than that though (ie accountability) due to bad experiences with all that and not really having a whole lot of time.

    I was going to do a long post for your questions actually, so I'll answer it now in the following post:) Something that may offer more insight into how I was feeling and living life around your age may be one of my older posts:

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...ut-3-years-now-no-success.121384/#post-980770

    In this post I basically explain how I'm feeling and all the problems in my life because I didn't have anyone else to say it to. Note the positive replies of most to this post (and the people that wrote and their many days of no PMO) compared to the one negative guy which just made me feel bad. Try and be the positive guy with all this, because that's how you're going to improve and allow others to improve in all respects.

    Keep going though! 37 days is absolutely great! I was in a similar position in terms of how many days I could go without PMO when I was your age, so keep going, you'll get there eventually!
     
    Swagnation likes this.
  7. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    @SirErnest

    Thank you, it means a lot:) but there's still a whole lot of time to get back on track, so keep going! It doesn't matter what age you are, all that matters is you've taken the steps to recovering from all that troubles you, especially PMO! Many people don't even discover they have any issues until their much older (40+) so you're on a win!

    It's nice to see other people from the UK doing this, as I think there really aren't enough. If you're open to suggestions, I suggest you find out as much as you can about PMO addiction and any other things that might be troubling you, and find someone (maybe a family member, close friend or partner) to talk as much as you can through with them as it all really helps and allows you to move in the right direction. I think it would help more if you spoke to someone you trust about some of the issues you may face, but If you don't have anyone to talk to about some of the issues that face you are always welcome to talk to me on this forum, just set up a private conversation (or I can do it for you if you don't know how) but I can only really offer simple advice and be there to listen, as I haven't even got to your age yet haha
     
    SirErnest likes this.
  8. Swagnation

    Swagnation Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man! By the way i don't have a 37 day streak, i just kind forgot to reset the counter on this website to be honest. My highest streak i have had was 11, but i'm trying to go and quit PMO forever now because i recently really realized how stupid it actually isIt's really great to see that there are other people struggling with this problem. Especially since all my friends in real life have all their shit together and that can be really frustrating sometimes. Nice that you're making a post with answers to my questions by the way, i really like that! And thanks for the talking option, i will do that if i feel like it and its really great knowing that i can. Looking forward to your next post!
     
  9. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    Today is day 127 and I feel balanced.

    To answer these two questions 'How is life at the moment?' and 'In what way did quitting PMO benefit you?' I have to answer this question:

    How was life for me?

    Amidst my PMO and related issues (as previously explained there were many related issues, the main ones being sexting and gaming) I just felt like everyday was waiting for something to improve. It's very difficult and complicated to explain how I felt and therefore how life was, but I will try in the following:

    • The thing that sticks out to me the most was I was a fake person. To everyone I was a normal person, with ambitions, talents, stability and happiness, but to myself I was worthless until I was better at everything. I would pretend to be confident, pretend to be intelligent, pretend to be perfect and pretend to fit in with people I didn't. I would drink, shout, like, play and talk about football and do things I hated just to maintain the impression that I was normal. It made me feel absolutely terrible.
    • I so scared and anxious of everything. I couldn't sleep because I was afraid of the dark (I only recently overcame that), it was painfully difficult to speak to my friends, family and especially in public). Everything I said made me feel like it was the wrong thing to say. I felt like crap whenever I opened my mouth and it just made me want to be alone most of the time.
    • I hated myself and I felt like everything I did was the wrong thing. Whether this be the type of shoes I wore that day or whether I should learn to drive, it was all the wrong thing to do.
    • I ate extremely poorly and missed meals out. I lost a lot of weight and I'm still trying to get back to a healthy weight for my age.
    • My life revolved around meeting girls. Most big decisions I made (for example who my friends were, whether I was going to go to someone's party, my future job) was based on whether I was going to meet and have the potential to speak to girls.
    • As I've previously explained, I had bouts of depression which seemed to get worse and worse.
    • I isolated myself from everyone because I felt like I wasn't worth their time.
    • I sought perfection from everything and everyone and it would make me extremely angry, sad or depressed if something or someone wasn't perfect.
    • I expected my family to make my life perfect, when they couldn't financially, socially or emotionally. I expected my mum to pay for an extremely expensive holiday for myself because I thought I deserved it and it would help me be happy, when she really couldn't afford it at the time. During that holiday it wasn't perfect, so I got depressed and came home early (it makes me cringe talking about that).
    • I couldn't look people in the eyes and would look at the floor most of the time.
    • I stuttered, messed up my words, spoke very quietly and quickly in front of most people.
    • I put myself through extremely tough situations just for the sake of doing it and proving to myself that I can be tough, when really it just made me feel crap.
    • My sleep pattern was very bad and irregular. I felt lethargic and angry most days.
    • I couldn't speak to anyone about any of my personal problems or anything personal for that matter.
    • I liked something or someone until I 'got' it or them and then I'd disregard it/them. For example I'd want an expensive book and as soon as I got it, I wouldn't read it and treat it like every other book I had or I'd like a girl for ages, but as soon as she started liking me or we went out I would lose interest.
    • I wanted to move on so desperately because I thought it would allow me a fresh start. This included moving schools, houses and moving on from friends/girlfriends.
    • I felt very few emotions and I didn't even realise it. I felt very few true positive emotions and just a few negative ones. I think I cried the first time I felt guilt I few months ago.
    • I was addicted to adrenaline rushes. This meant doing things that made me feel on edge (swimming in ice cold lakes in Winter and stuff like that)
    In short my life at that time was:
    • spending my life on phones and my computer
    • having no real friends generally
    • moving on constantly from everything
    • feeling angry, sad, depressed at most things and people
    • feeling scared and anxious to do anything
    How is life at the moment?

    It would be nice to say that life is perfect, but as I have learnt nothing is perfect. I am still recovering from lots of minor issues in my life that have built up over my life. Generally however, life is 100% better from being addicted to PMO. I'd say life is pretty darn good right now.

    Now I'd like to say that most of these things are not solely from giving up PMO, but from the integrated recovery from personal issues with my girlfriend that led to me get over it (e.g dealing with past family issues).

    • My life feels fixed - overall, I think everything that I mentioned about how I used to be has nearly all gone. I sometimes get days where a feel bad about something, I still do get urges sometimes and I have had days where everything just feels like crap, but they are nothing to what I used to experience and they're all getting better slowly.

    • My life feels happy - the most important thing is I feel myself and I don't feel bad about being myself. I can choose something for happiness and it feels right. Sure I feel bad sometimes about my decisions, but simply talking through the decision with my girlfriend or family usually rectifies that. I feel happy in doing things that I enjoy and have no gain other than making me happy. I am generally a lot more happy with everything I do and small things mean a lot more to me, be it going to the cinema with my girlfriend or talking with my friends.

    • My life feels generally more confident: I'm a lot more confident than how I used to be. It's no form on confidence I've experienced before as it doesn't feel forced in the slightest. It feels like it ushers respect to those who are listening.

    • My life feels noticed by others - people seem to like me more now. This isn't because of the magic 'superpowers' stopping PMO gives you, but from the balance, stability and confidence that comes with sorting out all your major problems. I get smiles from lots of people in the street and I can talk to people much more easily. I feel like I'm kinder to people around my and to those I would have previously hated or disregarded.

    • My life feels balanced - my emotions are in check. I don't get depressed anymore. I rarely get angry or frustrated. I'm a lot more patient and calm. My voice is softer and slower, but louder in a stable way.

    • My life feels stable - I no longer have to search for something to make me happy, be it a job, a partner or anything else. I feel like I'm happy with my current situation (which hasn't changed economically at all or socially dramatically) and any improvements are just a bit of a bonus. Things no longer make me break down and I feel like I'm always progressing. Any slip feels small now and small things don't bring me down anymore.

    • My life feels healthy - I have a regular sleep cycle (or as regular as I can make it), I don't drink and I talk about my problems; I don't let them get bottled up. I've stopped drinking and and try to be a bit more physically active. It doesn't make me anxious or scared to spend time with friends or people I don't know (ie at parties) and people respect my decisions. Yesterday was the first time I've been to a party with people I don't know as a non-drinker and I had a great time. Everyone respected my decisions and me as a person.

    • My life feels like it's worth living - I feel excited to do things in the future because I know that they'll happen for my happiness alone. I get out of bed feeling happy for the day. When I relax, I'm relaxed. The things I enjoy, I love 100% more. It's like taking of a blindfold and earmuffs and seeing a world you've lived in for 18 years and never fully experienced.

    • My life feels appreciated by me - Those who have gone through shit and come out the other side appreciate the things they lost during that time a lot more than others who take them for granted. During my issues I didn't sleep, socialise or even feel much emotion. But now, its all back! And I love it so much. I appreciate everything and it's only getting better.

    • My life feels like its improving exponentially - I'm constantly getting better in all respects and it's exciting. Sure I have bad days and I feel bad about things sometimes, but they are all just little slips in my life that don't meant a whole lot in the long run.

    • My life feels normal, but special at the same time - I feel like I'm passed all the big issues in my life so I'm back to the normal, stable track of life, but I feel special in the sense that I've done it a different way to a lot of other people and experienced negative things many people don't even know exist. I can therefore appreciate small things that other people don't fully understand. Many people think having a PMO addiction (or any addiction for that matter) is a bad thing even when they're past it, but it's not. I like to use the analogy that you can only experience what the beauty of looking at the ocean really looks like, when you've reached rock bottom. When you've got over your PMO addiction, I can assure you that you that some things you'll appreciate a lot more than most other people because they haven't been through the same things as you have.

    • I feel proud - giving up PMO (and other related issues) is hard. I read somewhere that stopping a PMO addiction is harder than stopping a cocaine addiction. Don't let that statement dishearten you though, because you can definitely do it! I did it, so you can too! And once you're on the other side you'll feel extremely proud that you've done it and done it properly, because so many other people don't their entire lives. Just by simply making the decision to stop PMO'ing is something you should be proud of because, as I've said, many never even do it.

    • I feel like I've still got to give it time - it takes time to fix all the issues I've developed over the past 18 years, but I am slowly getting there. As I've previously mentioned, I do have bad days and bad thoughts, but they are all getting better. Recovery doesn't stop a 90 days, because it continues for a very very long time, but every day you move forward is a day you're just a bit happier:)


    In what day did quitting PMO benefit you?

    Firstly, I'd like to just say that I don't think I've had the true benefits of quitting PMO yet, as I have been doing for so long and started at such a young age, that I reckon it'll still be a while until I see drastic improvements anymore.

    I know I'm repeating myself a bit, but the things I've noticed are:

    • I don't have more energy to do things, but my motivation to do things is a lot stronger.
    • I can think a lot more clearly now and don't really get brain fog
    • I don't feel bad that as I'm not doing something that is against myself (ie PMO)
    • My grades improved at school (I don't think I would've got into uni if I didn't stop PMO'ing and sort out other issues during the time I did)
    • I find it easier to talk and socialise
    • I finally feel like I'm myself.

    Again, if there's any questions, feel free to ask:)
     
  10. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    Oh I used to forget to reset the counter all the time, that's why I took it off. And also I wouldn't worry about your friends, as many people around your age probably don't know porn addiction is a thing, so you're one step ahead on that one, trust me. If anything you've just got your shit together in a different order to them (which is probably a better way haha).

    Thanks man!
     
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  11. Swagnation

    Swagnation Fapstronaut

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    Can you explain what you mean with that i have my shit together in a different order than them?
     
  12. Swagnation

    Swagnation Fapstronaut

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    Dude this is so motivating and exactly how i always imagined my better life. I don't feel like writing a long post right now but i relate so much to almost all the problems, and even to how your life is now since your life now is my goal. I mean to say that i strive to live like you do now, and be able to enjoy all the small things. I also strive to not let my life revolve around getting a girlfriend, because that has been my 'goal' for so long, but getting a girl friend is a combination of luck and personality in my opinion(luck as in you have to come across the right person) and when you don't have luck but still want a girlfriend it can really drive you crazy, because of the unfulfilled desire. In short, this really motivates me to stop the fucking PMO. Its a choice between the life i've been dreaming of for a long time(and like i said i really feel like i'm close to getting there!) and doing a disgusting thing in my bed which makes me happy for like a few seconds/minutes and then makes me feel like shit afterwards. I think if we knew each other in real life we could be good friends, and i'm not trying to sound like a creep here but i relate so hard to so many things you say, and i've never encountered someone who is like me in that way. Again thanks for the motivation, i really feel that i won't ever do PMO again because i see so clear now that it is so not worth it and that my life can really be like i always wanted it to be if i stop this PMO addiction. Good luck on solving the last remainder of your problems, and i hope i will get to where you ars now soon! (Which might be actually in a few weeks or even days!)
     
  13. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    Well, some people our age will focus on sorting out different things in their lives or nothing at all. For example, some people will get a job and sort out their lives economically, so their economically stable and can buy things they like. Some will sort out their lives educationally to obtain high grades at school/college/university. Others will just do nothing to improved and drink/party/do drugs/waste their lives for a bit until they start to sort things out which usually happens around the mid to late 20s.

    You, like me, have started to sorted out your life emotionally in a sense, by starting to remove PMO and sorting out other issues. This, in my opinion, is the biggest milestone in someone's life and is the thing I see people in their mid to late 20s trying to sort out. Just by sorting these things out you've done it differently to your friends as you've done something not a lot of people are able to do at our age or even realise needs to be sorted out. This is, in my opinion, better as it allows you to build off that emotional stability to build other things in your life with more stability and success, like economic or social gain (this is basically what my little motto 'the stronger the foundations, the higher the building can be built' is about).

    Basically, don't worry that others seem to be more together than you, because you're probably a whole lot more together in other ways or they probably hide it (like I used to do).

    If you're like me, it'll probably help if I explained it through a diagram. I've always wanted to explain it pictorially anyways:

    upload_2018-9-3_17-54-49.png

    In the diagram you're person 1 and you've sorted out your emotional problems (ie PMO and related issues) so you've got strong emotional stability and can build your life at the same rate as your friends (person 2) who has worked on strong economic stability, but maybe just in a different order. You other friends (possibly) are the person 3 and 4. Person 3 hides behind fake emotional stability (like I did for a long while) and therefore finds it harder to build other things in their life and person 4 refuses to sort out his emotional issues, which thus leads to emotional instability. For these people it is hard to build a stable tower and it is constantly falling apart (ie breakdowns and alike) and leads to addiction of one form or another. They never get anywhere because they never sort out their emotional issues. Person 1 and 2, although different in their approach (much like you and your friends maybe) all get the to the same point and continue to grow equally, just in different ways:)

    I hope that helped. It is just a simple model which I made up, so it might not be entirely accurate in all situations, but it helps me a lot to think of it like that:)
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2018
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  14. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    And thank you man, my girlfriend actually read your post and explained how I was helping people, which really made me happy. Your special someone will come in time, just be patient and don't force it. Friends are much more important than girlfriends in the sense that often your partner starts off as a close friend and that's what makes a special relationship.

    I think you think in the same way as I did when I was your age, and it's really weird because you write in the same way too. That's why I know you'll be okay and you'll get there eventually. Just remember not to beat yourself up if you slip okay? because eventually you'll get there and remember that some things take a long time to get over, so PMO or any other issues in your way may take a very long time, but just be patient as it won't come all at once. Also remember to be yourself! because I can tell that's a pretty great guy!

    Let me know when and how you got over it all! As it'd make me happy to know you're all okay:)

    p.s we would be very great friends haha
     
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  15. Swagnation

    Swagnation Fapstronaut

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    Your girlfriend is right man, you really help people here. What i think is funny is that the internet is both the c
    Dude i've always had thought like this, that i'm developing more on a emotional level and that they are more developing on the practical/economical part. I've never made it into a schedule like that, which is really great. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into replying to everything, which really helps! Your girlfriend is right, you help me a lot by sharing your experiences and maybe even others too who come across this forum. Your life experience is a very motivating to me. I have already had moments where i felt down and i remebered some of your words and it would motivate me. I think its funny that the internet is both the cause and the cure of this addiction. This addiction exists because of the internet, but thanks to the internet i also got introduced to nofap and people like you, which helps a lot in curing pmo addiction. And thanks for the advice on the girlfriend part. A part of me knew this already, but it is nice to see someone say it. The girlfriend thing is one of those things that annoys me about the situation with my friends. They all got lucky and got girlfriends, and for that is a situation where people who are already happy just get another free happiness-boost (not objectifying women here but that is like my own terminology) from life while i'm still struggling. Maybe you have had something like that in your life. And the things you said about that you shouldn't force a girlfriend and how good friends are more important :i can't even explain how relatable and meaningfull that is to me man. So thanks again! I'm sorry for reacting late by the way, i was a bit too tired to write much the other day
     
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  16. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    @Swagnation

    Well I'm always here to talk if needed, as I never had anyone to talk over this with when I was your age and I know how much it can help someone. Also remember to be an advocate for this sort of thing when you're all better (because I can guarantee you're going to be okay:)) both in this forum and in your everyday life.

    And I thought exactly the same way as you. Like all my friends had these awesome girlfriends and was just there on my own trying to fit in and get over my problems. The thing is the most special person in the world will just come into your life and you may not even realise it. All the issues you have faced will only make that relationship stronger too as you'll be able to engage with them on a much deeper emotional level than any of your friends probably can, which'll create an amazing, strong and special relationship.

    For me, having a girlfriend was extremely hard at first due to a lot of issues related to PMO and I kept wanting to move on, but when the time comes remember how special that person and what you have really is. And also always remember that a girlfriend starts off as a friend and a friend is a person!:)
     
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  17. mirolamboto1

    mirolamboto1 New Fapstronaut

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    Hey there,

    I'd like to begin with expressing my gratitude about the time and energy you took to type all of this. It was really inspiring and touching. I admire the way you analized the problems you had, I give you my respect.
    I feel happy that you are on the right path, keep moving forward and stay strong!

    The reason I began with my nofap streak was due to the fact I felt lost. I felt as if I couldn't find my calling in life. I was lacking confidence and experienced a downfall of my self-esteem. I hardly even began my path, though... Currently on Day 17 of NoFap+Coldshowers. I sense the benefits coming my way, yet at times I barely make it. I got a lot of urges, at times I open those disgusting porn tabs, I take a glance and immediately hit the X. Some minutes after that I am so grateful to myself that I didn't lose the battle. (Sure, there is some disappointment but I will put myself together and quit obeying those urges.) Luckily, I got one healthy addiction - doing calisthenics. Despite going to work, I strive to keep my mind on my workouts and that helps a lot. I feel a strong need to meet my dreamgirl one day but I need to get myself together first. Just felt like sharing my few thoughts.

    Thank you again for your post, I sincerely appreciate it. Have a good one and stay strong!
     
  18. staying_alive

    staying_alive Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing such a motivational story dude, really motivated after read your story. I mean I have similliar condition like you, where I have a poor management emotional trauma caused by bullying (maybe because of introversion? I don't know) which is leading to low self esteem, have social anxiety and eventually causing my pmo addiction. I agree with your diagram and gonna just love myself and embrace it, don't care what people think of me, and little by little fix my emotional instability.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2018
  19. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    Hey,

    Thank you so much for your reply, it’s lovely to see my experiences actually helping people; it means the world to me.

    I felt lost for a very long time too, you've just gotta keep trying your hardest to stay on track, as one day you'll reach the end of all your big problems in life. The only thing I can say to help is just remember to do things that make you and those close to you happy. Don't make decisions to get girls, don't make decisions to gain respect from people and don't make decisions to gain money (of course within reason), do things which truly make you and your loved ones happy and have no other purpose other than to do so. If you do that, you'll do things that you have an emotional drive to pursue and if you may even meet like-minded people doing the same thing, which is greater as you can build strong friendships. For me, the sports I did was an example of this. I'd chose a sport to pursue based on things like 'would I meet or have the chance to talk to girls in this sport?' or 'would this sport gain me respect among my friends and people which know me?' and then I'd do the sport and, deep down, I'd dislike it and would eventually quit. The moment I really thought about the sport that makes me happy emotionally and has no other gain than to make me happy, was the moment that I knew I could pursue it indefinitely and find some purpose in that field. Maybe that's the same for callisthenics for you, it seems like it makes you happy, so keep pursuing it if it does:) (ps I've always wanted to do that, but it's hard)

    It's okay to barely make it sometimes. I've had many small slips along the way that have really hurt my confidence and my ability to see through to the end. You've just got to admit that you've had a slip to yourself (and maybe others if you can) and take it lightly, because you don't want a slip to turn into a landslide. A small slip and progress from that slip is much better than the all or nothing approach where you beat yourself up for it, because that doesn't lead anywhere and will probably lead to regression.

    It's great you're finding the willpower to close tabs when you begin to look and keep doing that, but remember that porn is in a lot of places around the internet. For me, all forms of social media were a form of porn, so I was and still am constantly blocking, closing or removing anything that might or does trigger me, as well as lots of other sites. If you haven't already, I'd suggest installing an adblock and (if you can) using Covenant Eyes with a trusted accountability partner (as I kind of explained in the main post) as that'll just block porn from your computer or other devices full stop. The only thing is Covenant Eyes does cost, but I think they offer a free period if you can't pay for it or something.

    Cold showers are a great way to build self control and I know they do help a lot of people. Personally, they never worked for me as they made me practise a sort of self hate. It's like the warrior mentality I was talking about. For me, having a cold shower was me trying to put myself through unnecessary pain just to prove to myself I could do it and it made the simple joy of having a shower cold and depressing. When I removed simple joys like having a warm shower, getting up late in the weekends and other stuff similar to that, I removed all the true and good joy in my life, and much like the cold showers, my life was cold and depressing. Now, I know I sound like I'm preaching to stop cold showers, but I do understand that different methods work for different people. In my opinion we are removing an addiction from our lives in order to rekindle the happiness in our own lives. If we remove true happiness from our lives, like in the case of not having warm showers, we'll continue to have unnecessary pain in our lives and thus an urge for addiction.

    Just by doing all this, I can also guarantee you'll meet your special someone. As I've said previously, they may come out of nowhere and you may not even fully realise that they're there, but when they come into your life, you will have the best and amazing relationship with them, as long as you keep being honest, open and make sure you don't take any of it for granted.


    Also as I've said previously, if you ever need anyone to talk to privately or on this thread, please don't hesitate to talk, as I'm always here.

    Thanks for the reply man, you'll be okay:)
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2018
  20. LetsJustCallItOff

    LetsJustCallItOff Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,

    Thanks for reading it, it means a lot to me.

    I'd just like to say that you must always realise that emotional trauma, of whatever sort, can be dealt with and solved. I'm not sure how extreme you were bullied, but whatever the case I know that you're able to get out of any issues it may have caused. My girlfriend, who has been through a great deal of emotional trauma and myself, have both gotten out of it and today we're much better people and I'd say even better people than who we were before. I think the main step I took to solving all my emotional issues was talking about it to people I cared about in real life. Again, I'm not sure how much you've told those closest to you about bullying, introvertism, social anxiety and your PMO issue, but I can assure you that if you ever do most will support you indefinitely. I'd say especially talk to someone about the bullying, as that's something that can be dealt with from help and support by others around you:)

    I've said this previously, but I think it's important. The people which go through trauma, addiction or any form of pain in their live of any sort, appreciate life so much more than those who have had a carefree life. Therefore, life is just that little bit more special. It's like the ocean analogy I've mentioned: you can only experience the real beauty of the ocean, when you've reached rock bottom:)

    Also, don't worry about being introverted. I was for a large majority of my life and had very few friends, but confidence will grow over time once you're in the right place emotionally and in terms of your environment. Also introvertism isn't a bad thing!:) Also remember that people who bully often have emotional problems and insecurities for themselves. I know it's hard to understand when you're the one in the firing line, but a lot of these people aren't emotionally stable or have big issues going on in their everyday lives, so it is almost certainly nothing to do with you and your personality, simply theirs.

    And do be yourself because there's only one of you and the person you are is the best person you can be. It doesn't matter what others' think of you, as long as you're happy with who you are and you're stable. The best and most respected people in life are those who are themselves in every moment of their lives.

    As I've said many times, if you ever need to talk about anything, I am always here. Just set up a private conversation or ask as many questions as you'd like on this thread and I'll always be here to answer them (except when I'm busy, then you might have to wait a couple of days;))
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2018
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