For anyone who thinks they've lost (Especially if you're under 18)

mirolamboto1 · Sep 6, 2018

LetsJustCallItOff said: ↑

@mirolamboto1

Hey,

Thank you so much for your reply, it’s lovely to see my experiences actually helping people; it means the world to me.

I felt lost for a very long time too, you've just gotta keep trying your hardest to stay on track, as one day you'll reach the end of all your big problems in life. The only thing I can say to help is just remember to do things that make you and those close to you happy. Don't make decisions to get girls, don't make decisions to gain respect from people and don't make decisions to gain money (of course within reason), do things which truly make you and your loved ones happy and have no other purpose other than to do so. If you do that, you'll do things that you have an emotional drive to pursue and if you may even meet like-minded people doing the same thing, which is greater as you can build strong friendships. For me, the sports I did was an example of this. I'd chose a sport to pursue based on things like 'would I meet or have the chance to talk to girls in this sport?' or 'would this sport gain me respect among my friends and people which know me?' and then I'd do the sport and, deep down, I'd dislike it and would eventually quit. The moment I really thought about the sport that makes me happy emotionally and has no other gain than to make me happy, was the moment that I knew I could pursue it indefinitely and find some purpose in that field. Maybe that's the same for callisthenics for you, it seems like it makes you happy, so keep pursuing it if it does (ps I've always wanted to do that, but it's hard)

It's okay to barely make it sometimes. I've had many small slips along the way that have really hurt my confidence and my ability to see through to the end. You've just got to admit that you've had a slip to yourself (and maybe others if you can) and take it lightly, because you don't want a slip to turn into a landslide. A small slip and progress from that slip is much better than the all or nothing approach where you beat yourself up for it, because that doesn't lead anywhere and will probably lead to regression.

It's great you're finding the willpower to close tabs when you begin to look and keep doing that, but remember that porn is in a lot of places around the internet. For me, all forms of social media were a form of porn, so I was and still am constantly blocking, closing or removing anything that might or does trigger me, as well as lots of other sites. If you haven't already, I'd suggest installing an adblock and (if you can) using Covenant Eyes with a trusted accountability partner (as I kind of explained in the main post) as that'll just block porn from your computer or other devices full stop. The only thing is Covenant Eyes does cost, but I think they offer a free period if you can't pay for it or something.

Cold showers are a great way to build self control and I know they do help a lot of people. Personally, they never worked for me as they made me practise a sort of self hate. It's like the warrior mentality I was talking about. For me, having a cold shower was me trying to put myself through unnecessary pain just to prove to myself I could do it and it made the simple joy of having a shower cold and depressing. When I removed simple joys like having a warm shower, getting up late in the weekends and other stuff similar to that, I removed all the true and good joy in my life, and much like the cold showers, my life was cold and depressing. Now, I know I sound like I'm preaching to stop cold showers, but I do understand that different methods work for different people. In my opinion we are removing an addiction from our lives in order to rekindle the happiness in our own lives. If we remove true happiness from our lives, like in the case of not having warm showers, we'll continue to have unnecessary pain in our lives and thus an urge for addiction.

Just by doing all this, I can also guarantee you'll meet your special someone. As I've said previously, they may come out of nowhere and you may not even fully realise that they're there, but when they come into your life, you will have the best and amazing relationship with them, as long as you keep being honest, open and make sure you don't take any of it for granted.

Also as I've said previously, if you ever need anyone to talk to privately or on this thread, please don't hesitate to talk, as I'm always here.

Thanks for the reply man, you'll be okay
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You, sir, are the best! Thanks for the inspiration. Stay blessed!

Deleted Account · Sep 6, 2018

LetsJustCallItOff said: ↑

Journaling – I would make a journal and forget to do a day and then give up. I’d also relapse so many times that I would just give up on it
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Thanks for your post! Prompted by this I have made some realisations about my own pm use and it connects to your thoughts on journaling. I have realised that through focusing on which day I'm on I have lowered my self-esteem through not going more than a few days at a time in the last month. Low self esteem is why I pmo and day counting and journaling have made me judge myself too harshly. So thanks to you mate I'm going to focus not on 'competing' with what day I can reach but tackling the root of the problem and also like you said learning to love myslef for who I am.

Truly, thanks for this post

LetsJustCallItOff · Sep 8, 2018

@MildMan18

Hey,

That sounds like a good plan to me. The moment I stopped worrying about the amount of days I could do and started getting to the roots of all the emotional things which caused my porn addiction (along with everything else of course) was the point at which I began to make significant, long lasting progress.

A ‘vocal journal’ is basically what I tried, where you’d talk about the issues you faced in the day with someone close to you (ie my girlfriend in my case). I think by doing this you untangle a lot of issues the day has caused by real, face to face connection which you don’t get from writing it all down. So, maybe if you do have someone to potentially try that with, it will help

As I’ve said previously, you (the real you) is the best person you can be, so be that person and that’s all you’ve got to do. Both yourself and others will love you and find it easier to love you if you are yourself

Also, never beat yourself up about relapsing, but pick yourself up and keep going! it’ll get easier and you’ll get through it, I promise you.

Again, with everyone I reply to, I’d just like to say that if you ever need anyone to talk to about anything, I’m always here

Cheers man

staying_alive · Sep 8, 2018

LetsJustCallItOff said: ↑

@staying_alive

Hey man,

Thanks for reading it, it means a lot to me.

I'd just like to say that you must always realise that emotional trauma, of whatever sort, can be dealt with and solved. I'm not sure how extreme you were bullied, but whatever the case I know that you're able to get out of any issues it may have caused. My girlfriend, who has been through a great deal of emotional trauma and myself, have both gotten out of it and today we're much better people and I'd say even better people than who we were before. I think the main step I took to solving all my emotional issues was talking about it to people I cared about in real life. Again, I'm not sure how much you've told those closest to you about bullying, introvertism, social anxiety and your PMO issue, but I can assure you that if you ever do most will support you indefinitely. I'd say especially talk to someone about the bullying, as that's something that can be dealt with from help and support by others around you

I've said this previously, but I think it's important. The people which go through trauma, addiction or any form of pain in their live of any sort, appreciate life so much more than those who have had a carefree life. Therefore, life is just that little bit more special. It's like the ocean analogy I've mentioned: you can only experience the real beauty of the ocean, when you've reached rock bottom

Also, don't worry about being introverted. I was for a large majority of my life and had very few friends, but confidence will grow over time once you're in the right place emotionally and in terms of your environment. Also introvertism isn't a bad thing! Also remember that people who bully often have emotional problems and insecurities for themselves. I know it's hard to understand when you're the one in the firing line, but a lot of these people aren't emotionally stable or have big issues going on in their everyday lives, so it is almost certainly nothing to do with you and your personality, simply theirs.

And do be yourself because there's only one of you and the person you are is the best person you can be. It doesn't matter what others' think of you, as long as you're happy with who you are and you're stable. The best and most respected people in life are those who are themselves in every moment of their lives.

As I've said many times, if you ever need to talk about anything, I am always here. Just set up a private conversation or ask as many questions as you'd like on this thread and I'll always be here to answer them (except when I'm busy, then you might have to wait a couple of days)
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@LetsJustCallItOff
I didn't expect that you will replying me with a long post, so thank you very much, it also means a lot to me.
I feel like you really care about all my issues. I was bullied when on elementary school and bullied hardly when on junior high school. When on elementary school I'm bullied by verbal and when on junior high school I got verbally and physical bullying, well that's very sad and horrible.

When on High school I was trying to socialize, and not bad, eventually I can make friend though just a few friend. But I felt my sadness, my trauma didn't go away, I still felt like I fear to talk to friend, still felt insecure, and social anxiety still felt.

Until now my emotional condition still unstable and I never talk about it to other people or friend that I trust. Actually I ever told that I ever bullied to my mother and father but they seemed didn't concern about it, and since that moment I never told my emotional issues to other people and dealt it myself.

Sorry if there's grammatical or phrase mistake, I still learn english.

Skdrille · Sep 8, 2018

Great post guy !

LetsJustCallItOff · Sep 9, 2018

@staying_alive

Hey,

I do care and I do understand I didn't have anyone to talk about these things to when I was younger, so it's just nice to give that to others.

Just a few true friends is a lot better than many friends you don't really know. Keep being you and you'll make friends that are really special Never be afraid to talk to your friends because they're people like you and me, and they understand what people are going through. If you ever find a friend which you are comfortable to talk to about this sort of stuff, I'd just give it a go, as I'm sure they'll understand

It was wrong that your parents didn't accept that you've been bullied. My mum didn't fully accept that I had a problem with porn until I told her the 3rd time, as some people don't fully understand what others' are going through and can't comprehend it themselves, so it takes a bit of time for them to adjust. I'd try to talk to your parents again about it, but if they don't understand, you can always talk to a teacher you trust or your school.

As you were saying before, just be yourself and don't let anyone change who you are I bet you're awesome and I'm sure others think that too, you've just hit a tough part in your life, but I promise you it will get better, just keep trying

It's not to do with bullying, but Terry Crews' book Manhood, really opened my eyes to how to connect with your parents and it really helped me see into the future and showed me that things can turn out to be positive, even though they might not seem it right now.

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For anyone who thinks they've lost (Especially if you're under 18)

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