Get educated, get tools, and learn to love withdrawals

Stuart. its possible not to go through withdrawal. Some report that its easy to quit, because of the attitude of peace that they have toward not PMOing. Its much more likely that a person will go into it with an imperfect attitude, remaining as WANTING to PMO, and thus there will be inner tension resulting in withdrawal symptoms. I have not succeeded in the 90 day challenge yet, but I'm trying the route of peace this time. It seems a million times better, healthier, and more likely to succeed.

 

Thank you for the nice comments. Yes LRM, it is, and only is, the dopamine.

By my calculation I am 500 days clean. Along the way I have defined myself as a newbie, as addicted, as struggling, as really struggling, as desperate to relapse, as days getting easier, to days where there are no problems. I have defined myself as addicted, in recovery, as recovered, as cured. I now know I will never be "cured". I now know that for the rest of my life I will have days, have moments, when I wish a dopamine high could take all my problems away. It never will. I am human, like everyone here. It is not such a bad place. I like it. I will NEVER relapse. But I will NEVER not want to. Days and weeks may go by when it never occurs to me. And then...it does. I won't. But the challenge will be there until it isn't.

You can get clean. I know. I have done it. There are many others here who have. Then, on the other side of getting clean is staying clean. Difficult, but less so than getting clean. Nothing ever worth having was obtained without a fight, without a sacrifice, without suffering. If you are a porn addict, getting clean is going to hurt. Learn to love the hurt. It is easy for me now. But, if you are at the beginning, it is going to be difficult.

So, let's go back to the beginning. You think you have a porn problem. It looks like a porn problem. But it is not. It is a dopamine problem. Porn is just a button we push to get a dopamine high. Get educated. Watch this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

This is where your journey to freedom begins, this is where you start to take off the chains. Take time to understand the problem, your problem, my problem. Time to take off your chains. I invite anyone reading this to this side of to free. Free is still difficult, but free is not a slave. You--reading this--you have never put a chain on yourself that you cannot take off. If porn addiction is the chain you have put on yourself: Take it off. Come to this side of free.

Will I AM.

 

Wow william thanks. you know i been trying to defeat this for a year. And thew withdrawals has always stopped me and I always end up relapsing. I would always think the urges were to strong and they won't go away , so the only way to get them to stop would be to fap. Much to my dismay that only adds to the problem and keep you enslaved. Your right we have to learn how to embrace the withdrawals understand that is healing.You said your 4 months free? Is your brain re-wired? also this is something that scares me. that if i get to like 150 days and relapse. I never want to go back to this again. Why do people get to an X amount of months or weeks and relapse? Especially when the urges die down and lose interest? the saddest thing in this would be to overcome this addiction than relapse and go right back to being addicted? Any thoughts on this. Thanks Williams.

 

I relapsed after 101 days, before reaching the current 101 days. Why? The same reason I always relapsed in the past: because I wanted some pleasure to escape from my problems. That lead me to be even harsher with myself, in the sense of no more taking little peaks, no more fantasies of any kind. I think I lost hope. Those times when you say to yourself "what's the point of this?". You see, once you notice that everything else in your life is the same (or looks the same), you start to get anxious, you want immediate change and many times that's just not possible. Let's suppose that you dream about finishing your career or moving to another country: in many cases you'll have first to take a lot of exams or save money, arrange papers... It's not something that you can do right away, at least where I come from.

Never lose hope, never lose sight of your objetive: to quit. If you feel that you don't have anything else, stick to that accomplishment: to have quit. Never question the enormous value of not being an addict anymore.

After my first 90 days I thought I was "cured". Now I prefer to think that I'll always be an addict, that way I can always be on guard. If you relapse after a long period, go back to your routine and to this forum: that's what saved me. I mean, don't indulge in your old habits after one relapse, as it's not the same to go back immediately than to wait a week, PMOing all the time.

Most of the people that I know of that have relapsed after a long period have stopped doing something that worked before, such as taking cold showers, stop writing here (or at least reading the posts), stop doing exercise, etc.

In reality, as perusan said one time, true recovery takes longer than 90 days, around one year or two.

This is my entry after the 101 relapse: http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?20036-Galaxim-s-journal&p=105881

Also SqueakySoul and NoFap Asian relapsed after a long period. Perhaps you could also ask them.

In this journey you're always learning from your own mistakes, and taking the advice from others. As for me, I needed to relapse after the 101 days, as my routine wasn't good enough. I was then too soft with myself, regarding what was "allowed".


Galaxim.

 

Hey guys,
Great posts and very helpful for people like me who are new and are trying to break free of their addiction by trying to get rid of it from their lives and trying to have some control in their life. However I seem to be struggling, I know this is not easy at all but i know that if i want my life back i cannot give up, and I wont until i beat this addiction. Does anybody have any advice as to how i can not seek p*** as a way to escape my problems in life or when things get tough. This is what has been what's been the main cause to my relapses in every 3 or 5 days. I really want to be able to break free from this addiction and my main goal is to go into 2015 with greater self control and control over this problem than i have now. Any tips as to how i may be able to achieve this?

 

Hi and welcome! Most of us used or have been using PMO to escape our problems, so you're not alone.
In the past I wrote a routine for newcomers: http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthre...what-to-expect&p=111775&viewfull=1#post111775

Also Vanilla Mochi as his own starter's guide:
http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?26386-37-days-in&p=154506#post154506

Realmanisme, you need to start reading, start commenting and developing a routine that works for you. That should include excercise, a hobby, shutting down all electronicals (as much as possible) and trying to get together with people with similar interests in the real world, if possible.

I recommend you to read the documents and links that you can find at my signature. Print them or send them to your Kindle/cellphone, but please read them.

Feel free to post on my journal or here at William's if you have any doubts.

Galaxim.

 

Thanks very much william for writing to me. I can assure after reading all posts I am a changed man now. I am not giving myself a long target but taking it by two or three weeks at a time because I think small target is easier for me to accomplish.

thanks again
cheers

 

I'm having withdrawals... it's very difficult, but I will hold out!! I'm in the right place! Thanks for this helpful post!

 

Of course, you cannot learn to love withdrawals. They TOTALLY suck, they are why we relapse. That is your dopamine soaked brain begging you, threatening you, reasoning with you, blackmailing you, making promises to you, to get you to give it a dopamine hit. All I can tell you is, go for the hard 90, go for the extremely difficult 90, the tortuous 90, the 90 days that are between slavery and freedom. By the time you get there, it gets easy, but it won't get easy until you get there, and even then, there are challenging days. Me? I don't have withdrawals anymore and there is never a day in my life when I question whether I will relapse. I NEVER will. I control me now. Porn no longer controls me. The thing about withdrawals is, and you need to understand this, that is your brain rebalancing, getting back to normal. "Normal" is not a daily dopamine high. Take time to understand the problem. Quitting porn was one of the hardest things I ever did. After that I know I won't be broken under torture, but that, torture, is the way it is going to feel. It is not for life. Do the hard 90. Come to this side of free.

Peace.

 

Your quite an inspiration William. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for PM'ing me and helping give me a little push. Sorry I've taken so long to read some of your threads. Your the man dude.

 

Appreciative post

 

Hi Guys, Super3 just posted this, the last sentence is the most import one. Create urgency, don't quit passively, quit aggressively.

Peace.

This article was written by TheUnderdog an administrator on yourbrainrebalanced.com (link of original post : http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/i...?topic=15558.0)

It's been a while since I made a thread like this.

I've learned quite a few things in the last few months. So I'm going to share them with you guys.

First of all, I want to give the majority of credit to Al. It was thanks to him (and his insistence) that I've been gradually shifting from an abstinence approach to a recovery approach.

I also want to give credit to some other good friends: tsmith1302, CidGuerreiro, J.P., gameover, Metal, Aussie, GABE, High_Achiever, RedPill, adamant and Pedigree.

And of course, Gary & Marnia, for their incredible work and help to the community.

Some of the ideas come from my own personal experience, but many of them originated from discussions with the people mentioned above. I love you guys.

You might disagree with a lot of things I'm going to say.

That's fine.

This is just my opinion, my thoughts, as the title says.

By the way, I have already said all these things through various posts, so if you've been following me lately, there is nothing new here.

There are some triggers in this post, so I apologize in advance for them. I do think they are important to make some of my points, otherwise I wouldn't include them.

Let's get started...


Porn Addiction is Being Severely Underestimated

How do I know this?

Because most people in the community believe that in order to get rid of this addiction, all they have to do is keep trying over and over again, until eventually things will just 'click' and their brains will finally become rebooted.

Very few are treating this as a true addiction. They just see it as a habit they want to break.

This is evidenced by the stubborness of many, relying purely on willpower for months, only to constantly reset their counters and beat themselves up for not making any progress.

Most people don't realize how incredibly difficult it is to completely remove artificial stimulation (of any kind) for the rest of their lives. We're talking about years and years of brain conditioning here.

Many of us here have been in this community since 2010 and we're still struggling in one way or another. That is almost 4 years of trying to quit for good. 4 years of trying to get to 100 days or whatever. 4 years of wanting to be the next GABE.

We're dealing with some powerful stuff here, but it is not treated seriously enough, probably because it's widely accepted by society and is not a substance like heroine or cocaine.

I cringe when people relapse, reset their counters, and proclaim "This is it, I've had enough, I'm going to do it this time"...

Stop kidding yourself.

This is an addiction that has to be attacked from many different angles. You need a full arsenal of tools and strategies, as well as a proper mindset.

Willpower alone won't do shit.


Abstinence is NOT Recovery

What people usually try to do is go as many days clean as they can.

That's all they do.

That's all their goal.

They achieve a certain amount of days, then for whatever reason they relapse, so they start over and repeat.

That is abstaining. That is not recovering.

It is extremely common for people to achieve a certain milestone, such as 30, 90, or 100 days, relapse a few days later, and then find themselves unable to get momentum again. They go back to the beginning and they feel like they lost all their progress from their run.

There is a constant frustration for lack of progress. People are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged, trying the same thing over and over again without success.

This is because very few are addressing the real roots of their problems. Very few.

Everyone is focused on how many days they have managed and if their symptoms are either present or gone. They judge their progress by measuring dick hardness, spontaneous erections and morning woods.

They are "trying to quit porn" so that they can "get rid of their ED".

So they abstain for as long as they can, hoping that this can cure their symptoms.

Completely wrong approach.

If they don't see ED improvements, they get discouraged.

If they see ED improvements, then maybe a porn session or two won't hurt, right?

If there is no woman around, they justify watching a couple of times. After all, they are not having sex anytime soon, so whats the point?

They delay dating until their ED is cured or they have managed to go 100 days. But they never achieve this in the first place precisely because of this incorrect mentality.

The same applies to other symptoms such as social anxiety, energy levels, motivation, etc.

They try to quit porn, so that the symptoms can go away, and so they can finally live life.

People are focusing on the wrong things.

They are not changing the way they think.

They are not changing the way they live.

They are not changing the way they view sex and women.

They are just trying not to masturbate, while everything else remains the same.

That, my friends, is abstinence, not recovery.


The Foundation of a Proper Reboot

Porn addiction is not the cause of your shitty life.

Read that again.

Of course, it's difficult to improve your life when you're having intense porn sessions every single day that drain your energy and make you a zombie. But porn is not the reason your life sucks.

Please, this is very important to understand, you have to stop blaming porn for your problems.

This mentality of "life awaits me after recovery" is destructive.

Porn is not the reason you're a procrastinator. Porn is not the reason you're depressed. Porn is not the reason you're lonely. Porn is not the reason you haven't been able to lose weight or gain muscle.

Porn is the symptom.

You watch porn to escape reality. You watch porn to manage your emotions. You watch porn because you're bored, lonely, stressed, depressed, angry, isolated. You watch porn to feel good for a moment, to replace uncomfortable emotions and situations in your life.

Here's how you get rid of this addiction:

You don't focus on quitting porn so you can finally get to live life after you're recovered.

You focus on learning how to live, how to manage your emotions, how to change the way you think and view the world.

You put all your energy into building the life you want.

This will naturally lead your mind away from porn.

Success is not measured by how many clean days you've managed.

It's measured by how much your life has improved since you started rebooting.

This is what you need to do (credit to RecoveryNation):

Step #1: Write a life vision for yourself

How do you envision your life a few weeks, months, or years from now?

Spend a whole day (or week) thinking about this.

Don't say "I don't know what to do with my life".

Are you telling me you have no clue what you want in any of the following areas: study, work, family, friends, hobbies, health, etc?

Even if you're not sure, you need to give your life some direction.

This is by far the most important part of recovering from pornography addiction.

Write like crazy. Write many pages if you want. Make the biggest post you've ever done in your journal talking about how you envision your future life.

This life vision will be the foundation of your reboot.

This is what you will focus on 100% from now on.

Close your eyes. Visualize it. Write it down.

If you don't know what you want in life, then this is actually a more serious issue than porn addiction itself.

Like I said, spend a whole week if you need to.

Brainstorm.

Ask for advice.

Take a notebook and go to a park.

Inspire yourself.

This is the beginning of your recovery.

Take it seriously.

Step #2: Give urgency to your life vision

Ok, now you know what you want in life. Even if you're still unsure in some areas, such as not knowing what to study, that's ok. At least you can give your life some direction for the moment. This is very important. You need to give your life direction. You need to move towards something.

Here's the problem. Many of us know what we want, but we keep delaying it. We're experts at delaying goals. We wait until New Years, or the beginning of a month, or until circumstances get better.

So this is what you're going to do now:

You're going to give urgency to your life vision.

Write down why you ABSOLUTELY MUST start working on it right now.

Make another huge post or journal entry about it.

Let's suppose you're 27 and you have no job, no car, still live with your parents, and spend most of the day playing video games. Why in the world would you wait more time before starting to do something about it? This is urgent bro. You're fucking 27!

Or maybe you've never had a girlfriend in your life before. Well, what are you waiting for? Go buy some nice clothes, start going out more frequently, make mistakes, get rejected, ask women on dates. Start getting some experience NOW.

You have back pain? Start working on it. Don't wait. The more you wait the worse it gets. Start doing yoga or swimming. Move your hips and back constantly every day.

Write down reasons why you must start pursuing your life vision right now.

You have to stop living like this.

This is urgent.

This is high priority.

We must convince ourselves that change is imminent.

It's very important.

A life vision is no good if you have no urgency.

You'll just keep delaying it. Waiting for circumstances to improve. Waiting for motivation to arrive. Waiting for the beginning of new year.

Create urgency.

 

Williaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam I made it to one year and you were by far one of my biggest heroes and inspiration for this I wish ya the best of lives. I'm so fckn happy and if you that thread wasn't here I swear on G I wouldn't have made it

 

Hi Anne! Look at you. One Fkn year!!! Fantastic, it could not happen to a nicer person. You are an inspiration to me and many others here, you are showing us it can be done, and you are teaching by example. Happy New Year, and a thousand returns!!

Peace.

Will I AM

 

William! You're THE inspiration for many of us here.

That article is so good that I always have it on my signature, along with this thread.

The correct link is www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=5734.0 (as the other one goes to 404 error)

Have you ever thought on appearing on Gary Wilson's radio show, such as GABE did?
https://archive.org/details/yourBrainInTheCybersexJungleShowNo.9

I think that you have much to say about this and you could be a beacon of light and hope to many others.

Happy New Year!!

Galaxim.

 

Thank you for the article

 

Maybe I should consider myself lucky in light of Gabe's issue. I don't have ED issues.

But I still hate the fact that I let hours and hours of porn and masturbation pile regrets on every relationship in my life.

 

I really like this video because it gives you a clear perspective of what this problem really does to you and he explains it in a different way than we're used to here.

Hes example of duck tape is ideal. I have never heard a better way of putting it as he is doing in this video.

Just look at it, its awesome!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFN4-m4zYa8

 

Hi William,

Thanks for the PM and all. I let you know i'f I'm in 'dire straits'. I've been free of porn for a little bit now. I just find ways of filing the time that I have free with extra work/TV etc. Do you, or anyone else, have any tips for riding out time? I'm a student so I don't have time to take up serious activities, minus the gym and study, but any ideas would be great!

Thanks all!

 

Hi William, I am over 100 days and going strong. Here is my 1st post with tips that I learned and applied during the first 90 days. Best to you all. SF


Just completed 90 days - here's my Top 10 Tip List

Happy New Year. I just completed 90 days today of NoFap. That is no PMO, PM, MO or M. I started this process in October 2013 and it took 3 attempts, with many false starts in between each attempt. I have struggled with MO and PMO since my youth and I am in my late 40s now. I have finally developed personal patterns and techniques that are highly beneficial, which I would like to share with you. Most of this is not new on NoFap, but it is worth sharing again. Good things are worth sharing again and again:

1) Accountability Partner.
For the 1st attempt I made it 55 days and the 2nd attempt I made it 65 days. On the 3rd attempt I found a NoFap accountability partner which was hugely important to helping me, particularly during the 1st 60 days. I contacted him every day for the 1st 60 days or so. Thank you accountability partner.

2) K9 porn-blocking software.
I have used various software and systems for over two years and this is the best software I have found in the market. And, it’s free. My advice is to make a very complicated password and then go put it in the trunk of your car or someplace difficult to get to. Or give it to your accountability partner. Here’s the deal – there are times when your will is strong and you don’t need porn-blocking software. But there will be times when your will is weak, or a sexual desire will come out of nowhere, and unconsciously you may access porn or sensual imagery or text. K9 is for those moments, which can creep up anytime. I am planning to keep k9 on my computer, because it’s the right thing to do.

3) Make vows.
I made a promise to myself not to use other computers in the house that are not mine and do not have k9. I have a “sacred place” in the house where I will move our 2nd laptop computer if I am feeling urges. I made a vow that once I move the computer there, I cannot touch it.

4) Get a counter.
I created a 90 day grid using Excel. Once I completed a NoFap day it went from red to green all the way to 90 days. If there was a trigger or issue on a certain day, I would also mark it to see how long it took to get back to a stable mind pattern. The counter on NoFap is a good tool for this as well.

5) Read NoFap.
Read all you can. Find out what works for people. Read the failures. Read the successes. Go directly to this site. Follow threads that connect and help you. Although I did not post much on NoFap, I read a lot and it became a healthy substitute for P.

6) Trigger Inventory.
I needed to know and understand all my triggers during this process. I had to develop a strategy for each one. I had some big ones, which I discussed with my accountability partner.

7) Failure is an option.
I had two big upsets during this process and countless little ones. I eventually got really sick and tired of starting over. The 1st 6 weeks or so were very painful for me, and I got tired of repeating that period. You will learn from your failures and mistakes. And, you will come back to NoFap even if you don’t think you will. I did.

8) Connect with your higher self.
There is a person inside you who does not want you addicted to fapping or porn. This side of you is evolved and has no addiction. He/She is highly spiritual and connected with God. Remember this side of you when you want to access your K9 password or before going into a situation that may be a trigger. He/She got you to NoFap. This side of you is very patient and hopeful for you. This part of you is your best you. Thinking of this part of me was very helpful, as I knew that part of me set up the k9 software and I respected his decision.

9) Meditate.
I can’t speak highly enough about the powers and effects of meditation. I have meditated for awhile now, but when I combined meditation with NoFap, it became a powerful combination. You can ask me more about this as I am happy to share.

10) Keep on keeping on.
At 90 days I am ready for the next 90 days. I am getting my goals together and will send them to my accountability partner. Life is still hard and I do not have super powers, but I am changing for the better.

Additional Tips worth noting.

11) Progress is not linear.
I find that progression is more wave like than linear. First comes a buildup of urges and as those urges are ignored or overcome progress is made. Then once again urges build up, are overcome, and progress is made once again. It's much like exercise. You work out, then while recovering the growth occurs. At least that is how I seem to experience it. (From Octonacho, in a response in this post.)

I want the best for everyone one of you. If someone is struggling, please reach out to me via NoFap email. We are here to help each other.

ScottFree