Problems with my wife because of PMO

Hi there, I am new here. Thank you for this forum, I hope It's ok to share some of my troubles with you guys.
I am happily married with the most nice and wonderful woman which has the biggest patience with me. In my first years of dating I had troubles to get fully erected and especially to stay erected. I had strong issues with my penis size back then a lot. Thanks god she was super supportive to me and never turned back because of that. The current state of this is that last year I had mental breakdown, started having panick attacks. I took medications for a year which resulted in bipolar disorder and loss of fear thanks to that I spent whole savings which was a lot of money thinking that I am investing in technology I don't needed and did not used. I felt extremely iresponsible, unstable and especially I felt not responsible for my actions on medications which was bad. I quit meds which resulted back to panick attacks but I did not had the bipolarity as big no more. This year I am trying to cut off porn because I know that it is one of my biggest problems right now. I quitted smoking 4 years ago, I started going to gym this year. I improoved a lot but still have depression quite a lot. I am cutting porn mostly for week or two, then have some real low mood and have to get to porn again which escalates super quickly. From girls in bikiny, to naked photos, to amateur porn, to hardcore interacial porn. I hate my self after that really a lot, I also hate girls after that a lot. I want to finally quit, but I am seeing that when I am not watching porn I am starting to be obsesed with my wife and want sex from her too oftern and I am really hard to controll my self not to grope her etc. Then I hate my self even more after that because this behaviour obviously results in no sex at all and she is angry at me because of that. What should I do to get really through this?
Thank you for your comments. Sorry for the long post and super broken english.
Not native speaker.

 

Thank you!
Have a nice day.

 

Hello! Thank you for your support!
I figured out that when I keep my mind occupied with activity and if I am avoiding looking at women especially at their body parts it is much easier for me not to have the urges.
It also makes me more confident. It is just a really short period of time to make any conclusion from that but it seems that it helps.
Yesterday I started learning how to play the piano, I hope that I will keep up with it because that needs hell of a concentration
Have a nice day!

 

It is 15 days! I hope I will make it next week as well

 

24 days without any porn, masturbation and sex.
I must say that it definitely has positive benefits.
The biggest one is that I am not so much fixating on how girls are looking or how much the are attractive, makes life waayy more easier.
I am still having these thoughts but it does not feel as important anymore as it did before.
I still have from time to time urges to grope my wife but I think I am getting it under control and the result is that she gives me a spontaneous hug, which I observed happens only when I am not groping her for a longer period of time.

 

I looked today at some naked pictures from boredom for a minute. I almost broke my nofap, but it was weird I was watching nude photos and got aroused, then I looked at porn images and got immediately turned off. Never happened to me before. Really interesting experience.

 

During this weekend we had a great time with my wife. We celebrated our first year of marriage and had fun the whole day. I was getting quite horny but we got over it. Thankfully she is right now before her period so it is much easier not to succumb. It was a perfect weekend full of talking and understanding each other. It is super hard to not be dependent on sex everytime we have a nice time. But it is super helpful. She does not feel like a tool and I feel that I have better control over my self.

 

Yesterday we had finally sex. It was wonderful! I was so into it, my head was perfectly focused only on my wife. I was not thinking about anything other. No porn induction, no nasty thinking, it was just me and her. The only thing which I did not like was the amount of arousal I got when trying to have sex. I just put it in and feel the urge to cum so much I always had to put it away, repeatedly. It was like my first sex, a little awkward but now with the right person. Is it possible to somehow improve this? I do not want to masturbate and the amount of sex we get depends on my wife's mood, which is probably once sometimes twice a month. I do understand that this is her enough volume. I am just more interested when we have sex next time how can I perform better without being too quick or masturbating and then feeling numb and not aroused enough. I trained kegel movements for a month which probably helped with the yesterday outcome that it took me about 3 minutes before I came, but it was nowhere near real sex, more like a little dip. What can I do?