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A reliable way to date older women? Any WOMEN willing to give advice?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Who I want to be, Sep 14, 2018.

  1. Hey, so I've got to confess and also ask for advice. Maybe some mature women on the forum that think they can help?

    So I've had this curiosity for older women for a while now. Not when I was in a relationship but at times in between I would get just so curious.
    I had two opportunities in my life where one I decided not to go for and the other I just masterfully drove it into smithereens.

    My first mature crush was my German teacher at school. A very attractive and smart lady in her 50s. We would grow on each other during school and in later years when I was about 20 we even casually dated. Like... coffee and talk not like stare in each others eyes for the evening. I really liked her, loved her intelligence and class and loved to make her laugh and troubled about what she laughed at.
    The problem was she was married and I am not a homewrecker so I passed on pushing forward.

    The second opportunity was a bit later. My company sent me abroad for a few weeks and I met this woman in a museum, she was an employee and gave me a guide. We would flirt a bit and she even gave me a private tour of exhibits not viewable to the public but this is where I blew it. After the last meeting she told me exactly when she's done with work and where she's going to enjoy a drink on the evening. She also told me she goes there almost every day to relax after work.

    Guess what? I failed to recognize this invitation. I said something like "oh nice, yeah I think I know that place, it's great to relax there". I don't remember how long it took me to realize what I did. AND I WAS INTERESTED IN HER.
    So maybe a small advice to the women on here: girls, if a guy does not react to such an obvious invitation... please be patient with us and just repeat it a day later or so. We're just dumb sometimes and we regret it.

    Coming to my conclusion:
    TL;DR:
    Is there a way or maybe a place or places or whatever, where a young guy can meet with classy women to have a chat and maybe a non committed relationship?

    Both times I was just lucky to meet them and I would like to increase my chances to stumble upon such women.

    Please mind: I do not seek just older, but rather mature women.

    Thank you for reading and for any tips in advance.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018
    Amazing Athest and TIMMY0110 like this.
  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    How much older? I’m 41. I would say the differences in me now versus the young me are I don’t want to play silly games, I’m very upfront and want you to be the same, I don’t fall for stupid lines or dishonesty, I’m much more confident in myself even though I was more attractive and skinner in my 20s and I know what I want and don’t waste time with fools.

    I think it depends if you are looking for a serious relationship or just some fun and yoU will find older women looked for both.
     
    Jason_Tesla_19 and TIMMY0110 like this.
  3. I don't have a specific age requirement. I'm 26 myself. I just find experience extremely enticing in a woman. I'm an admirer and get really fired up when my compliments have a solid base. Not just looks(but also)but career/hobbies/interests/overall intelligence, not to forget - experience in bed. I feel a "want" to be with a woman that is confident and wants to show me what she likes and how to do it. Not in a submissive or BDSM way, although I'm not really against fetishes.
    But also outside the bedroom. Intelligent women turn me on both sexually and mentally. I remember the fire I felt talking to my german teacher back then. Everything she said was so well put and thoughtful. Her insights made me think. I think it was then when I discovered that thinking can be a form of arousal.

    Couldn't tell you if I want a serious relationship or not. It's not something I want to decide up front.

    EDIT: I see I got a bit too excited reminiscing, so let me answer once again:
    That pretty much sums up what I find attractive in older women. While you say you were more attractive in your 20s, I'd say that it very often is subjective. Skinnier =/= more attractive. Now this is my personal preference but I think it is more attractive when a woman has a slightly plump rather than a skinny body. Both are attractive, hell there are SO MANY types of attractive female bodies I will not even attempt to list them.

    Other than that it is all you described. Confidence, knowing what you want, not playing silly games and being honest. All good ingredients for fun and enjoyable time together.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018
    TIMMY0110 likes this.
  4. TIMMY0110

    TIMMY0110 Fapstronaut

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    I think on the same lines as Who I want to be...

    I am 24 soon to be 25. I think differently than my age. My classmates and friends(all in their early 20s) are all fine. However, the way I think is more like a 40 old man. For the very same reason, I find older woman women attractive. They have experience in life, they are more mature. They don't like silly games and think more rationally. The problem, I live in a conservative society (I am from India). Its very hard to find such women who are available to connect. Dating a older women is more of a taboo. However, I don't want to entirely blame the external environment because I have not approach enough women who are older than me. Fear of being rejected is still one of my biggest fears.
     
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Put yourself in more situations where things can happen.

    Just think of how and where you can meet such people. Explore more places, communities, and activities. Try new things and eventually you'll know where you belong and find what you're looking for.

    As for maturity, I've met +50 year olds that are more immature than me and people less than 15 years old that are more mature than me. Age doesn't really say too much on a person's maturity level.

    If you place more value on your own self worth rather than depending your worth on the opinions of others, then you wouldn't fear rejection. If you understand that not everything works out in life and that not everyone is going to be interested in you (just like you won't be interested in everyone), then you wouldn't fear rejection. All you can really do is send out invitations and it's up to others if they want to join you or not. If you don't send out invitations, then nobody will join you. Taking rejection personally is one of the worst things you can do in dating / relationships. It doesn't mean the whole world or an entire gender hates you... it just means "no thanks, as an individual with their own thoughts, feelings, life circumstances, and interests, I'm not interested." Change your relationship with rejection and you'll change your relationships with other people.
     
  6. As I mentioned in the post above - I don't have a specific age requirement.
    "Just think of how and where you can meet such people" is exactly what did not work and why this thread exists. I've thought about it, I explored but I did not come up with anything and am asking here for advice.
     
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    No worries. However knowing what you want can be important with older women. I think as we age we have less time to play around and often not knowing what you want is seen as playing games. You generally run into two types of women over 40. Ones that have never been married and are baby and marriage crazy and ones that have already been married and divorced or have no desire to me married . So that’s the only additional advice I would give you. Expect to be asked pretty early on what you are looking for. That’s also part of an older women’s confidence. In my 20s I was afraid to ask what a guy wanted because it so feared rejection so I let things play out instead of asserting myself and finding out where the guys was. I would be months into a relationship I presumed was exclusive only to find out it was not. Now I don’t fear rejection I know my value and if you don’t like me someone else will and I find most older women to be the same. Good luck to you! I think @elevate has some excellent advice too!
     
    Who I want to be likes this.
  8. But how do I signal to an older woman that I am actually interested in her? I'm fairly outgoing and great at conversation but feel like there's a fair bit of miscommunication or maybe even stigma around the topic.
    There was another case that I forgot to mention before, mainly because it was very brief compared to the other two. It was a friend of my aunt, pretty attractive, funny and overall seemed like a confident woman. I made her some well deserved compliments, we talked a bit and laughed a bit but it was my mothers birthdayparty so I wasn't about to go chasing women instead of celebrating. Anyway, she seemed not that interested after the initial talk (not rude or cold, just normal indifference). Only later did my aunt tell me that she supposedly confessed to her that "if only she were younger she would eat me for breakfast". My aunt still think it's hilariously funny, but that's a different topic.
    From my understanding she liked me, had interest but didn't do or say anything because she felt too old for me. How do I dispel such an assumption without being crude?
     
  9. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    If a woman thinks she’s too old for you there is nothing you can do to change that because it has nothing to do with you, it has to do with her own insecurities. There are women who feel plenty secure in dating younger men you just need to find those women rather than trying to convince the others to date you.

    How do you let her know you are interested I would say tell her. I find you really attractive and would love To take you on a date sometime are you interested? If she responds indicating that she’s too old then tell her that does not matter to you attraction is attraction. If she persists move on.

    One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as I have gotten older I read for the first time in a dating blog and it’s this “date the people who want to date you.” In your case that means don’t feel the need to try to convince anyone to date you. Understand that much of whether a person likes you or not is outside of your control. So find the people that do want to date you.
     
  10. Burrich1

    Burrich1 Fapstronaut

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    I honestly think this is the very best dating advice I have ever heard and pertains to any dating situation.
     
    recon117, Jason_Tesla_19 and GG2002 like this.
  11. I am a wiser man now. Thanks for your time!
     
    GG2002 likes this.

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