Can't understand the rules

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Sep 14, 2018.

  1. So, I'm that 21 y/o guy addicted to porn for many years... This thing has caused me frustration and defeats in many aspects of my life, or at least that's what I want to believe...

    What was a slight shyness escalated to a social anxiety that makes it difficult for me to relate with others. Ofc I have never had contact with the female gender, no gf ever.
    I don't know if I am still a virgin or not, since few months ago I went to escorts and had kind of disappointing experiences.

    The thing is, nothing has really changed and I am still that looser that can't communicate well with girls, and it frustrates you to see everyone getting involved in relationships, getting laid, or at least having friends to share time with.

    I have never really tried to flirt or that kind of stuff, my friends get curious about my relationships experience since I am very reserved and I always try to avoid the topic, and I always have to resort to lies and invent stories that have never happened...
    Last night had another weird experience thanks to this, I talked with one girl of my class with which we had talked very little a while ago, Idk if she is interested in me because in the previous experience she asked me a lot of questions trying to know me more, but last night she was very direct and at first she began to ask me if I had ever had a girlfriend in my life. Ofc I lied, and I think she didn't believed at all. She continued asking about my ideal type of girl and stuff like that, it was really weird for me since we do not have so much confidence but she was very direct, and the question about whether I had had a girlfriend ... I really look that looser? It's not comfortable to know that people can "smell" the virginity in you, lol.

    It's not that the girl does not interest me, I just do not make a move because I've never known how to play this game: the flirting game. I have another couple of stories from the past in which I had failures because I did not realize that a girl was flirting with me.
    I do not know if what this girl did is an attempt at flirting, but I would not like it to be another failure because she is a girl who could be classified as my "type": kind of shy, funny, friendly, etc.

    After so many uncomfortable situations, I must say that I would like to enter into such a complex game for me. I would appreciate if you guide me explaining what is the step by step in flirting with girls, not the typical thing of "be a gentleman, make her laugh" and things like that. But those implicit things that all people can come to know but that I find it difficult to identify.
     
  2. hardowner

    hardowner Fapstronaut

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    This part made me really really :):D She is interested in you. Keep talking to her. Talk about school stuff in the beginning and later find new topics. Find common interests and ask her out. Don't have the mindset that you try to deceive her. Your mindset should be "I think you are interesting person and I want to know you better". Touch her. Physical contact makes the difference. An easy way to initiate is to compare the size of your palms. Beware of friendzone. But the most important is to enjoy the time that you spend with her. You are very lucky bro...
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. Hey there Didlion!

    First and foremost: make friends before girlfriends. If you like each other as friends and you then escalate things into a relationship you both will be much happier. Your relationship will also be more genuine.

    Start working out. Not to be the big macho man with a mustache but to give your body what it needs. Your body needs to move. Quite a bit actually.
    Don't know how? Sign up for the first thing that is available in your area and is affordable to you. Do keep in mind that you shouldn't start doing the most hardcore things. You will burn out quickly. Start with something simple and easy that you can do on a regular basis. I started doing yoga once a week and it escalated to me now working out every day.
    This is a very important step. If your body is healthy, and it isn't without enough exercise, then your mind is. And when your mind is healthy you don't need most of the advice.

    Nothing available in your area? Youtube 30min morning exercise videos and do it AT LEAST 3 times a week. No excuses.

    Something that will come naturally the more you move your body but what you should think about now as well is:
    Become comfortable with yourself.
    Conversation is everything. You can't have a conversation if you're uncomfortable.
    In conversation learn to ask and when you do, listen. Be prepared to be asked and then be also prepared to answer.
    Don't ask generic questions. Be curious. Start simple and then try to find out what is it really that she likes in the band you are discussing or in the movie you just watched.

    Don't open up too early. Women love when men share their more hidden aspects, childhood, fears etc. but they only love it when it is a man they know. There is a time and place to talk about everything. Don't think showing how vulnerable and sensitive of a guy you are up front will suddenly make her soft.
    Do open up when she asks. Not too much, don't make it a flood she doesn't expect. But don't be too reserved or otherwise she will stop being curious.

    Be honest.

    Find hobbies. Either revive your old ones or find new ones. Hobbies are great for multiple reasons. Not only do you develop as a person, you also learn new things and if you're passionate about it you suddenly have so much to talk about. Always feared you have nothing interesting to say? It's probably because you haven't done too many interesting things in the recent history.

    You're only boring if you choose to. Hold that thought.

    Spend time in nature. As often as you can. Even if it's just 15 or 30 minutes. Sit in a park, read your favorite book or listen to your favorite music.

    Be prepared for any outcome. There is no way to guarantee anything in life. If you do all this and she ends up not wanting to be in a relationship - that's her right to do so and it more often than not has nothing to do with you.

    Good luck!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. Maybe...the difficult thing is to make the possible interest persist, because as I mentioned earlier, some girls showed me their interest but when they met me they were disappointed and did not return anymore, lol.

    I know I have a lot to work, and if I have some advantage, it would be great to use it.

    Thanks for the advice!
     
    hardowner likes this.
  5. Actually, I know that I have a long way to go before trying to go into a relationship. To make friends of any kind is also a goal and at least I have had a little more success in this, although I have not reached the point I want.

    Personal development is the base of the success I want to achieve in all areas of my life. Sometimes I lack motivation to start, but I know I must do things for my own good.

    Thanks for your reply friend.
     

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