I watch porno since I was 9 years old :(

minervlue · Sep 19, 2018

Hello, sorry if this is too long, but I needed to get it out, I haven't told anyone for fear of being judged, and I found this page through a documentary (sorry for the bad spelling too, my first language isn't English , I'm barely learning).

Well, I'm a 19 year old girl. I started watching pornography between 9 and 10 years old, my mom discovered it and punished me (obviously she talked to me about the consequences of watching pornography), but I felt I couldn't live without her. She punished me about 3 times between 10 and 12 years old, but I couldn't stop watch that kind of content. I've always known that this is wrong, that it's not healthy, but it's as if my body and my mind didn't pay attention to me.

I tried to find the root of this problem, I began to ask myself "Why did that curiosity about pornography begin?", Because it seemed that I was born with it, but everything started at the age of 3; I was sexually abused by a family member, and then at the age of 6 the same thing happened. At that time I thought that all children were going through things like that, that it wasn't a bad thing. Many years I blamed myself for allowing that, I always felt guilty ... Now I know that none of that was my fault, I was just a little girl, and I've learned to forgive the people who hurt me, but what I haven't learned how to do it's to live without pornography.

I suppose that another reason why I haven't been able to stop seeing pornography is that I suffer from Maladaptive Daydreaming, a psychological disorder that the sufferer dreams daydreams or fantasizes excessively, and in most of those daydreams there are sexual acts; I don't participate in them, I always fantasize in the third person, but they also affect me too much.

I don't know what to do, I really want to control myself, but as I said before, it's as if I didn't obey myself.

Lakerfan49 · Sep 20, 2018

minervlue said: ↑

Hello, sorry if this is too long, but I needed to get it out, I haven't told anyone for fear of being judged, and I found this page through a documentary (sorry for the bad spelling too, my first language isn't English , I'm barely learning).

Well, I'm a 19 year old girl. I started watching pornography between 9 and 10 years old, my mom discovered it and punished me (obviously she talked to me about the consequences of watching pornography), but I felt I couldn't live without her. She punished me about 3 times between 10 and 12 years old, but I couldn't stop watch that kind of content. I've always known that this is wrong, that it's not healthy, but it's as if my body and my mind didn't pay attention to me.

I tried to find the root of this problem, I began to ask myself "Why did that curiosity about pornography begin?", Because it seemed that I was born with it, but everything started at the age of 3; I was sexually abused by a family member, and then at the age of 6 the same thing happened. At that time I thought that all children were going through things like that, that it wasn't a bad thing. Many years I blamed myself for allowing that, I always felt guilty ... Now I know that none of that was my fault, I was just a little girl, and I've learned to forgive the people who hurt me, but what I haven't learned how to do it's to live without pornography.

I suppose that another reason why I haven't been able to stop seeing pornography is that I suffer from Maladaptive Daydreaming, a psychological disorder that the sufferer dreams daydreams or fantasizes excessively, and in most of those daydreams there are sexual acts; I don't participate in them, I always fantasize in the third person, but they also affect me too much.

I don't know what to do, I really want to control myself, but as I said before, it's as if I didn't obey myself.
Click to expand...

I too was abused when I was six by my sister and that led me to porn but I applaud you for overcoming sexual abuse it is definitely hard to do.

Deleted Account · Sep 20, 2018

minervlue said: ↑

Hello, sorry if this is too long, but I needed to get it out, I haven't told anyone for fear of being judged, and I found this page through a documentary (sorry for the bad spelling too, my first language isn't English , I'm barely learning).

Well, I'm a 19 year old girl. I started watching pornography between 9 and 10 years old, my mom discovered it and punished me (obviously she talked to me about the consequences of watching pornography), but I felt I couldn't live without her. She punished me about 3 times between 10 and 12 years old, but I couldn't stop watch that kind of content. I've always known that this is wrong, that it's not healthy, but it's as if my body and my mind didn't pay attention to me.

I tried to find the root of this problem, I began to ask myself "Why did that curiosity about pornography begin?", Because it seemed that I was born with it, but everything started at the age of 3; I was sexually abused by a family member, and then at the age of 6 the same thing happened. At that time I thought that all children were going through things like that, that it wasn't a bad thing. Many years I blamed myself for allowing that, I always felt guilty ... Now I know that none of that was my fault, I was just a little girl, and I've learned to forgive the people who hurt me, but what I haven't learned how to do it's to live without pornography.

I suppose that another reason why I haven't been able to stop seeing pornography is that I suffer from Maladaptive Daydreaming, a psychological disorder that the sufferer dreams daydreams or fantasizes excessively, and in most of those daydreams there are sexual acts; I don't participate in them, I always fantasize in the third person, but they also affect me too much.

I don't know what to do, I really want to control myself, but as I said before, it's as if I didn't obey myself.
Click to expand...

Hello, welcome to nofap. I'm sorry to hear about your abuse, it really gets under my skin when i hear about that kind of thing. To take a child's innocence is one of the worst acts you can commit...Anyway, on a lighter note, you've come to the right place to beat this addiction, we all have the same goal. Good luck to hope and all the best.

By the way, you're English isn't that bad, i understood it clearly.

Mattew · Sep 20, 2018

minervlue said: ↑

Hello, sorry if this is too long, but I needed to get it out, I haven't told anyone for fear of being judged, and I found this page through a documentary (sorry for the bad spelling too, my first language isn't English , I'm barely learning).

Well, I'm a 19 year old girl. I started watching pornography between 9 and 10 years old, my mom discovered it and punished me (obviously she talked to me about the consequences of watching pornography), but I felt I couldn't live without her. She punished me about 3 times between 10 and 12 years old, but I couldn't stop watch that kind of content. I've always known that this is wrong, that it's not healthy, but it's as if my body and my mind didn't pay attention to me.

I tried to find the root of this problem, I began to ask myself "Why did that curiosity about pornography begin?", Because it seemed that I was born with it, but everything started at the age of 3; I was sexually abused by a family member, and then at the age of 6 the same thing happened. At that time I thought that all children were going through things like that, that it wasn't a bad thing. Many years I blamed myself for allowing that, I always felt guilty ... Now I know that none of that was my fault, I was just a little girl, and I've learned to forgive the people who hurt me, but what I haven't learned how to do it's to live without pornography.

I suppose that another reason why I haven't been able to stop seeing pornography is that I suffer from Maladaptive Daydreaming, a psychological disorder that the sufferer dreams daydreams or fantasizes excessively, and in most of those daydreams there are sexual acts; I don't participate in them, I always fantasize in the third person, but they also affect me too much.

I don't know what to do, I really want to control myself, but as I said before, it's as if I didn't obey myself.
Click to expand...

The first 20\30 days are the toughest to resist. If you want to quit you have to be very strong in those days, physically blocking yourself from watching porn, staying away from your laptop, installing a porn blocker if needed.
You should take decisions if you really want to quit, like not using your laptop for months, and buy yourself a cheap phone.
After the first 30 days it will be easier, not easy, but easier.

Deleted Account · Sep 20, 2018

Hello, it's nice to see you there. Sometimes people don't know how to cope with being emotionally hurt and need some kind of anesthesia. Remember, that you don't need to blame yourself or to be ashamed - you have just tried your best to be happy and avoid sadness. Nevertheless, this is not a normal state and you need to fight for a better life, better than constant hiding from reality and better than consuming artificial emotions. Fingers crossed for your recovery, my friend!

minervlue · Sep 20, 2018

Thank you for taking the time to respond, so long I felt alone, and I realize that I am not.

goldendragon86 · Sep 22, 2018

Hang in there man! Keep trying!

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I watch porno since I was 9 years old :(

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