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My life is ruined I need *serious* help, and the biggest way on how to stop porn addiction

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Sep 22, 2018.

  1. I am at the point where I have been viewing pornography, and struggling with masturbation since I was 12 years old. I am now 26 been on here an entire year, and still haven't stopped my urges. The most helpful thing I recently just found isn't even just a 30 day challenge.

    It has really been just first getting rid of all social media, devices, filtering sites, and blocking private search engines. In recent years it has gotten so bad that I don't even look at porn unless i'm engaged in some form of cyber-sex.

    It got so bad that I was paying for online models, and showing myself on cam. I have stopped paying, and showing myself I don't do that, but i'm still making accounts talking explicit to these online prostitutes, and masturbating in open chat rooms.

    I need to *(Stop) permanently today. Porn has literally cost me friendships, relationships, finances, and my relationship with God. As I type this as a grown man I am crying because of how much I hate pornography, but continue to watch it.

    I can't even leave a device on in my house without urges, and curiosity for me to go, and view it.

    Please, please help me I am so tired of this.
     
    JensonIknora and im_broken like this.
  2. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    U CAN DO THIS. Don't beat yourself up too much. It's an easy trap to fall into, never in the history of man have we had such instantaneous and frequent access to this, never. Control your environment and find a support group, whether realigious or addiction-specific or whatever it may be. focus on the positive
     
  3. The good news is that you are helping yourself already. Of course it won't be easy, but you are trying.
    Slowly build new habits and one day you will realise that you have changed.
    Well done.
     
    JensonIknora likes this.
  4. And think about language.
    'My life is ruined' does not help you.
    'I have difficulties in my life' is better.
    Then 'I am facing my difficulties in life'.
    Then 'I am making some progress in life'.
    Etc.
     
    sherif1987 and Delirious 1 2018 like this.
  5. BWALLACE

    BWALLACE Fapstronaut

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    Hang in there. You can get through this.
     
  6. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Good news is you sound desperate. It took me being incredibly desperate to have willingness to do the hard work.

    For me and my addiction there was no amount of willpower or force that could stop my urges. I only started to heal when I focused all my energy on the healthy daily activities that are mentioned in books, online, in videos and found within the 12 step programs.

    Check out my profile for a few links to my threads. You can see the daily work I do.

    To quickly qualify, I have been viewing porn for 22 years and it has steadily progressed to further and further shameful acts. I ended up in a place where I was suicidal due to my PMO actions. And I was watching porn, masturbating and/or orgasming 4+ hours a day.

    Please check out my profile and reach out if you have any questions.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2018
  7. Originaldutchcow

    Originaldutchcow Fapstronaut

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    The good news is that it is conditioned behaviour. You will feel withdrawal symptoms when you stop doing standard behaviours but that is part of the healing proces. It is never too late to walk back on the right path.
     
    Deleted Account and SirErnest like this.
  8. fellowBrother

    fellowBrother Fapstronaut

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    My friend Jesus can deliver you from pornography. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
     
    Delirious 1 2018 likes this.
  9. If you're religious, believing in Jesus helps, but it helps even more to be aware of the fact that you yourself are part of God's Creation and therefore have the ability to overcome this habit.

    Simple question: Has anyone ever forced you or even just recommended you to look at porn? Chances are no one ever has. This should mean you have no direct relationship with or responsibilities towards porn. This matters since it means nothing is stopping you from not watching porn. Being aware of this is the first step in the right direction.

    The next step is to realize that despite your attempts to quit, you are still in love with porn. You may not like the sound of this, but pmo addiction involves a lot of lust and passion, an unhealthy kind of love. To be really free from this addiction, you will need to acknowledge that these urges start in your mind, and have everything to do with lust and passion. Also understand that your body, hormones or whatever, have never nor ever will be responsible for your use of porn. All of this really is mind over matter.

    Then comes the choice. God's free will. To be really free from porn addiction means to hate it the way God would hate it. We associate hate with evil, but rest assured that hating something that is wrong, evil or bad for you isn't sinful.

    These are religious considerations, but even without a religious background the only real way to overcome porn addiction is to acknowledge these things: that you choose it, have loved it, and that to become free of it will require you to start hating it. The biggest motivation to start opposing it is to understand what this habit is doing to your life. One of the main reasons we're all on here is because porn makes us feel desperate, ashamed, guilty, disgusted and alone. All of these negative traits have everything to do with porn use. After every pmo session these feelings can be very overpowering. Something inside of you is then telling you that addiction and freedom are two opposites.

    To become free from addiction first of all means to have insight in how it works, in how it's trying to suck you back in time and again.

    The key really is in your hands. Religion can help, but to be aware of the fact that God Himself is in you, that you have the power over what YOU choose, that YOU are responsible for your own choices and decisions, through God, THAT addiction is powerless against.

    You've come a long way and addiction has deep roots in you. This means that if you were to quit, and I hope you will and will succeed, it won't end overnight. If you're going to do this, it's important to be prepared and to understand that the worst may not be over yet. Withdrawal can happen, especially if your addiction has been particularly bad. It's not going to go down without a fight. Withdrawal can be pretty severe and may land you in a very dark place. At that point, religion, God's Light, but above all, your own determination, will be what sets you free.

    Some of us have been in your shoes. Addictions that have lasted for over a decade are no joke. I sincerely hope this helps, even a little, and that you may find the peace of mind you've been wanting.

    Best of luck
     
  10. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

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    Your symptoms are typical of all addictions. Take heart from the fact that all addictions can be beaten.
    Use this site, the posters on it and your faith to get you through this.
    Continued good luck...
     
    Deleted Account and JensonIknora like this.
  11. lipfaster

    lipfaster Fapstronaut

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    Did you try to work out? It really helps! You wrote also something about your friendship with God. That's awesome Mate! Just keep praying every day(no matter if you are a cathlic, muslim etc.) Just talk to Go and He will help you!
    I am also struggling with PMO and hopefully I am on my way to #90days.
    Good luck! Keep fighting!
     

  12. I agree with what the others have said. There are many helpful ideas, practices, and insights as I continue to read posts on this site. It has been very helpful to me thus far. This is my first time attempting to discuss my dark behaviors with anyone (other than confessing to priests for the past few years without going into any excruciating detail). Looking at our own problem behaviors and discussing them is the first step in healing, and it also helps others look at their problem behaviors. I am grateful for the posts and support on this site. You, too, can be grateful for this.

    The fact that you have noted triggers already is great...so if you need to get rid of computers, etc. for a while, that's fine.
    Sounds like you are hitting bottom now with all your losses. It's probably time to start living a 12-step mentality to recovery...

    Be grateful for everything you DO have. Look at yourself the way God sees you--a beloved son of God, made in His image and likeness.
    Ask Him for help in overcoming these behaviors, ask forgiveness for these acts. Start loving Him, yourself, and those around you as we have been instructed.

    Welcome to your reboot! I am praying that you will succeed!
     
    JensonIknora likes this.
  13. JensonIknora

    JensonIknora Fapstronaut

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    Hey Bruce (your profile picture). I know where're you coming from. I myself had been that road before. Don't beat yourself too hard bro. You have to congratulate yourself for being brutally honest. You know porn is causing you some problem, and you are here to face it. That's the spirit.

    Now that you want to quit porn, how do you do it?

    First of all, you need to have a solid plan. Most ppl fail NoFap because they don't have a plan. They just want to quit PMO but don't know how.

    What I found out from my past experience was that I watched porn because I had nothing to do. I was too free. Now I want you to use the time to PMO go do something useful. The most beneficial things you can do to yourself is working out. GO to gym, swimming, jogging, cycling...etc. Even doing a yoga also can.

    That's how I stick to a plan. Exercise will make you tired. List down what kind of workout you want to do on each day. For example, Monday (leg day), Tuesday (chest), Wednesday (rest), Thursday (back), Friday (Swimming), Saturday (slow jogging), Sunday (rest). When you reach home after each workout you don't have the energy to PMO, trust me on that.

    In addition to exercise, try to read books, be it fiction, biography or self improvement book. Just read book to get your mind going. I know this is really hard initially, it is really boring. But soon you will develop the interest and it will be a routine. If money is an issue for you, go to borrow from local library. At least that's what I am doing.

    The last one is meditation. This is really the hardest of all. Some ppl rate this as the apex of all the things to substitute PMO. I agree on that part.I tried it twice only, but I had to stop because it was hurting my knee from the sitting position.

    If you feel like going to church will help, then go to church. Meet new ppl. Believe in GOD. Though I don't do this.

    We all know porn is bad. But you must believe that one day you will overcome this shit. Is a long process, but you must believe you can do it.
     
    SirErnest likes this.
  14. Excellent reply. I slightly prioritise aerobic exercise as this releases feel-good brain chemicals, plus I'm getting used to cold showers. Recommended.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  15. I will absolutely do so soon! I am curious to see and based off your counter you've been doing extremely well!
     
    JensonIknora and MasterRoshi like this.

  16. Appreciate it man! and I don't go to church, and everyone makes it about just about religion, but when I look at the bible I want to be a true advocate of the things I read, and practice not to impress men, but to be pleasing to god in general. But going to the gym, reading, and meditating on spiritual things are this road i've been going down thanks!
     
    JensonIknora and SirErnest like this.

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