Let's make it worth this time

Hello guys.

I am new at this forum but I am fighting with my this habit for a long times. I wanted to quit a years ago, when I was.. I don’t know – eighteen? But then I fell for a years (in my eyes) and I didn’t try to improve myself honestly. Now I am twenty four and months ago (half year) I’ve decided to quit again and permanently. After some struggle and few relapses I was able to quit for three months. But then I’ve did it just once (it’s okay, nothing can happen, right..?) and stuck in this nonsense for a few weeks. Actually I think that now it’s a month since that time. And you know what? Three days ago I’ve made my final decision and I’ve started my way to liberation from that habit. I am sure that this time I will succeed.

Why am I telling this to you? Well, thing is that want to share my notions and observations because of two things. First – it might help someone else in the same situation. Secondly – there will be some obstacels, that’s for sure. Some new situations for me – and that’s the moment, that someone may help me. I just want to cooperate – it might help to someone and it might help to me as well. Seems as a win-win situation to me.

Some basic information about me. I’ve started with this when I was.. I don’t know – thirteen, fourteen? I am not proud of it – but that’s how it is nowadays.. actually it seems to me, that it’s almost impossible to stay away of this habit in this age of internet (with all kinds of pornography which is very easily accessible) and TV shows (where the boundaries of decency are very quickly moving to the very nasty things, even thought that every children is able to see them). When I was seventeen, or eighteen I wanted to quit this habit, but I wasn’t strong enough and soon after, I’ve started my first relationship with all the things around it. I was young and I had a lot of expectations from all kinds of pornography that I’ve seen before so it turned me away from my goal of abstaining and I fell more in the sexuality and (in the periods of loneliness) masturbation. Few next year after, I’ve been just jerk who wanted to date with girls without any long-term goals, just for getting a bit of pleasure. But some other years passed and here I am now.. calmer, more sensitive and attentive towards other people and there is a same choice again.

The reason I want to quit is according to my religious and philoshopic understanding and feelings. I mean.. even the years ago I wanted to stop because of these, but I wasn’t honest about it and so – when new experiences in my sexual life came, I’ve just lost my way. But after these year I’ve found, what is really important in my life and that’s honesty towards my beliefs about right way of life. That’s on the top of my priorities and that’s why I’ve started to fight with my urges again. So as I told you, after some unsuccessful attempts I was able to stop for three months and at the beginning of August I fell again. Since that time I relapsed few times every week. I was in a lethargy again, in this feeling of weakness and dullness (since we are meeting at this place, I believe that you know what I mean).

Three days ago I’ve made final decision. I’ve made a great vow and I’m gonna stick with it till the end of my life. No self-pleasure. I don’t say that I am starting to be a hermit living a celibate life, but I am gonna avoid any short-term relationships aiming just for a sex. If there will be some girl where it will look seriously, I won’t try to avoid sexuality, but there’s not this kind of relationship here at the moment. Better for my decision I guess.

Now, let’s take a look at some advice and tactics which are sometimes recommended and think about them. I’ll try to tell you my point of view on them.

- dietetic regulations – lighter food, not so much meat, not overloading your stomach. I’ve tried this and actually I am trying to stick with this, but as far as I see, I don’t see any bigger help in this advice for our purpose. I do this because I find this recommendation useful and healthy, but there’s not liberation in this advice in my opinion.

- cold showers – I like cold showers and I am doing them for a years.. but as much, as I find it healthy and great for some inner improvement (it will boost your mood greatly if you will be able to stick with it), I don’t see in this thing a secret trick for a success. It might be helpful sometimes, but sometimes it’s just easier to stay next to your computer and masturbate, than go to the shower. But even if you don’t want to take cold showers (choice is all yours of course) I highly recommend you to make your hot showers at least shorter and try to end your hot shower with a cold water (even ten seconds will make a great difference and it will be significantly easier for you comparing the variant that you take straightly the cold shower).

- fasting – I’ve got experiences with a day fasts and I find it very interesting. Sometimes it helps, but it won’t also lead to absolute freedom from the urge. The reason is simple, you cannot fast forever. And you want to make and argument with bretharianism then I have a counter-argument – if you can live without food without any weakness and restrictions, then you will have enough strength to masturbate. But try – this might be very helpful for someone.

Now, let’s see some of methods, which are more functional in my opinion..

- control your time at computer. Try to avoid loneliness with computer if you need to do something. And better, try to avoid computer as much as possible – it will help you anyway. I’ve failed many times just because I was killing some time at computer without any clear goal.

- stay focused on something – try to keep your schedule full – find some activities, which have a meaning (it’s just about your life conditions and imagination) – study, sports, work, your family, learning some new skills, I am sure you get it.. especially sports are really great. Personally, I am aiming for spending more time on sports.

- try to avoid alcohol and other drugs which are affecting your urges (well, this is clear – you cannot succeed if you don’t have a self-control).

- try to avoid bad company – I can see the usefulness of this when I take a look on many meetings that I have. I can remember, that I’ve failed because of some discussions or idle talk that I had with other people (especially when it came on the topic of women with a guys who don’t care about nofap).

- religiosity/philosophy – this is very helpful and important in my opinion. In other words – you have to find some higher sense why to do this. Because let’s be honest – it won’t be easy and there’s not a large chance that you will succeed without any higher motivation. Besides that, I’ve made some research also about fighting other urges and addictions and I’ve found out, that for example among anonymous alcoholics – there a large emphasis on a personal religious belief. It does not matter if you are christian, buddhist, muslim, or in any other religious tradition. Of course, you don’t really need to be member of some church. You just have to be absolutely honest towards the idea that you believe. This is must-have in my opinion.

- honesty towards yourself – you have to be able to cut out things which hurt you, even though if you like them. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t try to advocate the bad things. Be honest. The worst person to lie is yourself.

- avoid killing time with non-sense activities (watching too much TV shows, or movies? Playing video games too much? Reading some fictions daily? That’s not good. I don’t say that you should quit these things totally and forever – it’s your decision. But try to reflect how much time you spend on these things and what’s their quality? Do some of these provoke your urge? If so, you have to quit them.

- don’t think about it too much. If you will be able to abstain for a week or two, it will be great (especially if it will be your first time, I know), but don’t do a big deal of it. It’s natural. You’re a man (you doubt about yourself if you’ve failed for many times, but cheer up) and you are just doing what you’ve decided to do. No big deal. Just leave a message here once in a time, when you find some new tip, or if you will have a doubts. But don’t lurk here everyday. Surprisingly, this was very helpful for me.

And the new things I am trying:

- a great vow – in this case, there is a need of religiosity. If you have it, you make a vow and you will do anything to stick with it. I’ve got some remarks to this point. First of all, it is crucial to see this as something important – you cannot do your life vow every week again and again. If you will choose this, you have to stick with it for every cost. Maybe you will slip after few months.. that may happen. You will take vow again and try harder. But you cannot take it easy – if you will, you will slip for a few times and then, the power of vow will disappear for you. This is second point. Don’t risk it. If you don’t feel confident enough for this, try something small. Take a goal abstain for a week, or maybe for a month if you are stronger. You cold do it? Fine, take a vow. But again, don’t take it easy. It is a life-changing event. Keep it in your mind. This is one of the greatest changes for me. I was able to keep it for three months, but I failed, because I didn’t have a long term goal. I wasn’t honest about this. Further – I was afraid to make a promise to myself to abstain forever, therefore I was relapsing time from time. One of essentials for me.

- staying connected – well, this is obvious. I am here with you. I am willing to help you as I can and I will ask for help all of you, if there will be some obstacles. I believe, that we can do it together. This will be one of essentials.

- And also, some other new thing, which is incredible powerful. Find your own mission, your specific calling. It might be something small (helping people around you, help in charity sometimes), or large (be active in politics to help others, be engaged in ecology, study medicine to help people). Doesn’t matter. Important is your belief in sense of this acting. I’ve got my own large ideas, but these are a long term goals which will take a lot of effort. I was thinking about something smaller, yet helpful and this is my decision. To share with other people like me. Quit not only to help myself, but to help you as well. And thanks to this, it is very different this time. This is one of essentials as well.

Friends.. man up and cheer yourself. We can make it.

If you have some tips or questions, please, let me now. I will try to react, when I will have time to respond.

PS: I might seem too confident for a tree days streak. I don’t want to boast here.. I am just staying positive. I find it very important to stay confident, but humble in a same time. Even if you will succeed for a six months, you can still learn from someone who just joined.

PS II: I am not native speaker, if there are some major mistakes or faults in my text, please let me know. I will try to correct it or explain.

Edit: I've decided to stay in touch at least for a year that I will stay clear. This is my starting point and something attainable in my opinion.

 

You shouldn't aim for some long time goal. But for an absolute breaking the habbit. The first approach doesn't work in my oppinion (I've tried). Because if you go just for sime streak, once you reach it the guard is fading off and you may slip again. And this is addiction like any else, see alcoholics - they drink once and they fall again into their cycle of drinking.
Cheer up and go for it - to break it once for all! God bless you my friend.