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Should I tell my new Boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Red Girl, Dec 21, 2014.

  1. Red Girl

    Red Girl Fapstronaut

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    I think you are onto something ;) thank you!
     
  2. Red Girl

    Red Girl Fapstronaut

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    This isn't easy and he is asking why we had to end it. I am feeling stressed. I may have made a mistake. I am stressed out and want to act out. Why is it that when I am stressed I want to get a release?? I am going out for a run... That helps sometimes, especially when it's cold out. Any help? Thank you!
     
  3. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    I think many of us have conditioned ourselves to escape stress and other negative feelings. But escape never helps out problems, it just delays our dealing with them (and often makes them worse). So instead of thinking about escaping your problems, think about things you can do that may actually help or solve your problems.

    And if you do need an escape or a distraction, turn to healthy distractions, like exercise, meditation, hobbies, friends, etc. Best of luck!
     
  4. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    KrmGrn is spot on. PMO is an escape path to real life. I remember when PMO was all I'd do. When I was stressed, I'd watch porn, when I was angry, sad, depressed, lonely, frustrated- I'd watch porn. Except that porn was associated with feeling happy (for a short period of time until I crashed), so when I was happy- I'd watch porn...

    However watching porn is not a sustainable way to live. It's degrading, and will likely depress you. Especially if you feel like it's controlling you.

    Although it's a shame that you've cut it off with your boyfriend, I think you've made the right decision for now. You need to focus on you at the moment, and being in a relationship isn't entirely conducive to abstaining, especially if you're just starting out.

    Sweet- go for a run. That sounds like a good way to cope with the stress. Hopefully you'll feel more relaxed afterwards! :)

    All the best
     
  5. Red Girl

    Red Girl Fapstronaut

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    I ran and worked out today. It really does help the feelings. Thank you guys for being there for me.
    *Big hugs* :)
     
  6. HelioHelix

    HelioHelix Fapstronaut

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    Telling him upfront could end up being healthy for the relationship. Who knows maybe he'll be happy to be your accountability partner. I'd be careful though, the old me would've laughed at you and not believed that girls can get addicted to porn as easily as guys can, and it may only reinforce the confusion he had when he saw the chatroom.
     
  7. TeddyBear

    TeddyBear Guest

  8. kazekaito04

    kazekaito04 Fapstronaut

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    I wouldn't tell him, and I would keep some distance until I have my problems under control. Honesty and trust are great, and important, however, this is YOUR problem, and you have to get through it alone. Regardless of how good of a guy he is, if you told him, this problem will be part of your identity to him. He can't stop that regardless of how decent he is. If he's a bad guy, one day he will insult you with it. This issue is not part of you, you need to rise above it, and you don't owe anyone to tell them about that. It's your private journey. The main thing is that you really do your best at defeating this, if you won't then you maybe should tell him, because that means you are allowing this to be part of who you are. Just my honest opinion. Wish you all the best with your recovery :).
     
  9. You should most definitely tell him. If you dont he most likely will be even more suspicious as you get further into your relationship. He will notice you're hiding something. I guarantee that.

    Just be open and honest. Tell him that you have a porn addiction problem and masturbates to it. Tell him you're on a rebooting site ( I know this is tough. But if you truly love him I strongly suggest you to be honest with him) and is completely aware of the problem. Having a partner I have come to realize could be a hugh benefit.

    However I've chosen to stay single altho my closest friends tells me its time for me to get a girlfriend. Even my parents are onto me.

    When you say it I think he will relate to it and actually help you. If he doesn't relate to it and in fact refuses different stuffs with you because of your problem I would consider a breakup because in that case hes not gonna be there for you when you need him to be. And in that case he most likely not love you enough.

    Hope I helped. Cheers man!
     
  10. Move_Along1991

    Move_Along1991 Fapstronaut

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    I wish I had responded to you sometime earlier before, but the best of luck to you on your journey towards bettering yourself. I know how hard this can be, and it does make being in a relationship hard. Again, you got this; we all have this. I will pray for us all tonight. God bless.
     

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