My Life is a constant D Day

I am a PA and am trying to finally work a program for my SO. We have been together over 16 years with a lot of DDays and this one I am finally understanding why she is feeling so betrayed. I am feeling empathy and guilt also, I think about this daily. This guy you have seems like a real ass and all he cares about is his P. I can say this because I have been there. Give him rules like you are doing and if he has nothing to offer and truly doesn't love you because he doesn't get it that's not your fault, it's his and in my opinion you deserve better. Good luck on whatever you do. If you have any questions my SO is @Numb and has a lot of good points of view about this sore subject. She has a number of older posts that are informative too. Take care.

 

I'm sorry you are stuck in this endless loop of hell and heartbreak. It sounds like he is too deeply into his addiction to see clearly and it is just pulling you down. I think you probably do know what you need to do. He won't change unless he wants it. But you know all this, been through it. Make sure to do what is best for you, you'll only drive yourself mad trying to monitor and force this on him.

 

Ongoing D Days and all the distress and pain it causes is horrible - I feel you, and I'm sorry you're going through all this. I've had the same for years with my PA husband and all his hidden acting out and denial but definitely not so plain obvious denials as your partner. My partner could not for the life of him understand what was so bad about PMO and he too couldn't see why I felt so threatened and hurt by it. He would often say he wouldn't mind if I did it. I've only been on NoFap for a couple of months and have recently put together formal "in writing" boundaries that I discussed with my PA, had him sign and gave him a copy. Listed on there are also the consequences. I see you have boundaries put together so I'm assuming you have consequences for them too? The consequences should not be an option for him. I have difficulty with my PA Gaslighting me as well and it's one of my boundaries. He's been on the lounge for the past 3 weeks due to Gaslighting. We finally were able to discuss it last night and resumed normal sleeping arrangements for the first time in weeks last night. I have my boundaries & consequences in my journal which @GhostWriter helped me put together. By choice and for ease I decided to go with all the same consequences for each boundary but I'm planning on adjusting at least 2 to different consequences shortly that I now feel will be more appropriate. Enforcing the consequences can be difficult but necessary for him to take you seriously and for you to respect and protect yourself. So I suggest you start enforcing your consequences more if you aren't already. As was suggested to me the consequences shouldn't be so severe that it's harder for you to live with than it is for him, but still needs to be harsh enough that he starts taking you seriously. I wish you all the best. Good luck with it. xx

 

Unfortunately, it's impossible to force any addict to quit his addiction. The only way to quit is will. Without completing step A, you can't move to step B....

 

I hit the no caring point on my birthday, sep 16th. It only pisses me off now because I'm mad at myself for ever believing anything. I've been BEGGING to have a serious make it or break it conversation with him since the 16th. Affection completely stopped a few weeks before that, and he avoids me at all costs.
He must have noticed this morning that I'm no longer IN love with him because the crocodile tears came along with how much he loves me, misses me and needs me. Haha.
I was completely done with this relationship by then. Yet he begged to talk when we were both off work. I guess a tiny part of me needed to believe he gave a shit about our relationship.
I get home and he goes straight to the bathroom for 30 minutes until my son is home from school. Another 20 minutes go by and he comes outside. Then says he needs to get to take a shower and get to bed . The walls are very thin. I heard him in the shower. Again. Of course he explodes and denies it. Mad that I don't want to talk. We had sex 4 times in 6 weeks. I'm not stupid. This has been going on a long time.
Leave as soon as you can!!!

 

It sounds like he doesn't give a shit and just explodes wherever, whenever, I was never this bad and this guy seems like a dumbass. Leave and finally live your life without this jerk, make sure to get money for the kid at least if he pays for that. What an upstanding guy. Jerk. Good luck.