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Depressed as hell and can't seem to do anything, possible flatline.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by oldduster104, Mar 4, 2015.

  1. oldduster104

    oldduster104 Fapstronaut

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    This is getting really bothersome and I could use some support.

    For the past 5 days (around two weeks into the reboot) I have been in what may be a flatline. My libido is pretty much non-existent, only appearing every so often (getting mild-moderate morning wood, not very hard at all) and little urges every so often. If that wasn't bad enough, I am also really freaking depressed. Not the "I want to kill myself" depressed, but tired and no motivation depressed. This is the kind of depression I have had to put up with for a good chunk of my recent life (5 years) and only recently has it started to fade...this however is a bit of a setback.

    I have been trying to do other things recently, I have tried to limit my internet access (and found some mental symptoms eased two weeks not using the usual sites online, but I think a flatline came in since I got depressed all of a sudden) since I am pretty certain that's damaging me (I use the internet normally for 7 hours a day, and rarely do anything constructive, did last month when I stopped using it) and been going to the gym at least three times a week (it is starting to help, went today and it eased my depression for a little bit ^^).

    Sadly, no social outlets (will be an opportunity this year when I go on a holiday, hopefully) and my social anxiety is preventing me from going outside as much as I should. This will be worked on however.

    I hope this god damn depression, which I am pretty certain is due to nofap, passes within the next week or two. This wouldn't surprise me considering I was feeling better for a while before this hit me. It's different from the depression I had while I was PMOing.

    For the record, I looked at porn since 09 at least, started masturbating in 11.
     
  2. oldduster104

    oldduster104 Fapstronaut

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    Don't mean to bump the thread up, but there is a high risk of a relapse right now.

    I can't afford to go back to fapping even once, I feel too shitty if I do. I looked up some fetish stuff (or at least, things vaguely related in hopes of finding some) and while I didn't find anything all that erotic, I fear this could escalate in the coming days.

    The flatline is torture.
     
  3. Greek99

    Greek99 Fapstronaut

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    Its normal, and can last a few months, sometimes more.
    You may also have other causes of depression, however since you are stopping PMO, I would say you should wait at least 6 months of no PMO and working out at the gym before you worry about going to a doctor.

    Second, you should be doing more. 7 hours a day on the internet is not healthy, make an effort to get out and walk, at least 45-60 minutes a day and don't give me that horse shit that you don't have time, you do. Drive out somewhere neat, and walk. Clear your mind OR think about stuff, but get out and walk. In 60 minutes you should be doing about 5-6km. In time, you will love your walks and start going longer, or twice a day (morning and evening).

    Third, you need to start socializing more. This is tough, but you need to slowly start doing it. Don't just go and jump into it, ease into it. Go sit at Starbucks with your ipad for a couple hours, listen and watch other people, read some news sites so you have some basic topics of conversation. Social Anxiety is just fear of not knowing what to say or worrying what others are thinking of you, you can beat this. Join a volunteer organization (after a few weeks when you feel stronger), take a course at College/University.

    Forth, revamp your diet. You may not be eating healthy and this can be a major problem when it comes to Depression.

    Fifth, go read some of these sites:
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/
    http://markmanson.net/
    http://www.the-open-mind.com/7-ways-to-change-your-attitude-when-you-cant-change-anything-else/
    http://www.marcandangel.com/
    http://lifehacker.com/

    They have some awesome articles that may help you.






    Look dude, here is the truth:
    Only you can change things. It doesn't matter how beat you are, how bad you are emotionally, financially, etc, its only going to be you who fixes this issue.

    That is the only thing that matters. You will over come this if you try, and there are resources out there to help. Give yourself time, this may take you a year or so to "fix yourself up", and it will be something you do the rest of your life. Don't expect anything to happen over night.

    Good luck bro!
     
  4. oldduster104

    oldduster104 Fapstronaut

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    My diet is fairly healthy, a large amount of vegetables and meats are in my diet. I am on a special diet, which before I went on it, I was depressed as all hell. It turned out I have a health condition (not diagnosed but it is clearly there) that means I can't eat a certain thing found in many foods. If I do, I get sick and suffer from low energy, irritability, depression and terrible brain fog. There are other symptoms but you get the idea.

    I do volunteer work once a week, the people there are the only social contact I get with people outside of my household right now (and I do it alright, they don't give me weird looks or anything). My area doesn't have many people around my age so there you go. That isn't an excuse, it's the truth. I know you don't believe me but they don't really care about socialising.

    And I do have time to go for walks dude, that isn't the issue at all. It's my social anxiety getting worse recently that's preventing me from doing so. I could go outside for hours and not need to come home, just I choose not to in order to avoid people (and this is a fairly irrational fear since they tend to go to places outside of the walking distance of my house) that may/will cause further emotional distress. I aim to do something about it this year. I don't have issues walking around places outside of my area though...so it's not as severe as some cases of social anxiety I suppose.

    And yes, it isn't healthy being on the internet doing jack shit for 7 hours. I know it isn't and always have. I try to break away, but my brain won't let me do other things. The depression I have makes matters even worse by sucking the joy out of everything else. I was able to greatly limit my internet use for the first half of last month. But since I was also abstaining from PMO, I suddenly got a depression which prevented me from doing offline things. While they were not good by any means (old PC games mostly and movies), my concentration improved and my self esteem got a little better. That went the moment the depression started. Most likely a flatline.

    And you can say all that stuff about me being able to have the power to change this all you want, but I can only do some of these changes, I need help for the other things and then once I am in a more stable state (I am not right now, barely able to even muster up the motivation to play freaking video games) will I do more of these things myself. Soon (within two months at the latest) I will see a therapist and then things should (if the therapist is good) start to pick up quicker.

    I appreciate the advice and all, sucks that my situation is god awful.

    And the college thing, that will be an option once I am not too depressed or likely to lash out at someone because I feel too stressed out and unhappy.

    Go ahead and say I am not listening, I am, I really am, yet many of the things you suggested are either not possible or could potentially make things worse (in the current state I am in).

    On the plus side, the state I was in before the flatline struck WOULD have allowed me to make those changes. I certainly felt like it was more possible then, and that was only a month ago so it's not like I am too far gone.

    I didn't start masturbating until 2011, looked at porn for two years before then but not obsessively since I used to go to school then. Should give an idea of how long the flatline will last (5 months at max).

    I appreciate the advice, and sorry if I can't act on all of it yet. I will make sure I socialise with people at least a few times before this year is over.
     
    RightLane and SLeepisLost like this.
  5. NFI_Freedom

    NFI_Freedom Fapstronaut

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    Hey oldduster104,

    Greek99 has already given some great advice and really given you the truth. So I will just add a few things extra.

    Being social is something you create. I find too many people on here just expect their problems to disappear and become a social person. It doesn't, at least for a lot of us. You need to really go out and do it. When I go for my morning and evening walk, I will always greet people with a smile and say "Good Morning!" or "Good Evening!". I tell you what, I never feel like saying it, especially when I've only woken up minuets ago. But after my walk, I really feel great, especially when someone says hello back. I then jump in a cold shower, throw on some tunes and just enjoy the experience. Everyday, since I've been doing this, the start of my days have been amazing. I'm flat lining myself but my depression is almost nonexistent. I also have a mental condition which causes me depression as well, and even that doesn't get the better of me.

    If you take something from this is that, you need to fake it until you make it. Project happiness in your life. When you listen to music you love, dance! Have a chat with the ones closest to you, ask them how they're going, enjoy their company! Pick up a book, have an adventure! Even go explore your city, absorb the world and be amazed at what we take for granted every day. Life is too amazing my friend. Sooner or later, you will discover it, you've just got to be prepared that when it comes knocking, you'll embrace it.

    Good luck.
     
    Maurice00, RightLane and Eleanor like this.
  6. oldduster104

    oldduster104 Fapstronaut

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    I was faking it for years, waking up feeling hangover all the time and unable to perform as well as others.
    It wasn't depression, it was a sensitivity to fucking gluten. Got sent to special needs schools and my social skills were fucked up because of it. The people here think being irritable, tired and foggy headed is enough of a reason to send someone to a special needs school.

    That is the main reason why I am in such a mess, my social skills didn't develop and believe it or not, I haven't been around teenage girls like...really at all since 2007.

    I have never heard of a girl having a period in real life either, I had to learn that but never been near a girl who had a period (as in that day). Isn't that like sheltered as fuck?

    Your first paragraph is true, and I actually do that when I get the chance! But your second one just frankly offends me.

    Repress your negative feelings, fake it, even if you feel your brain rotting from your internet use, yet you can't stop because worse feelings will emerge. I can't even talk about this to my online friends without people fucking telling me to keep using the internet. I had this bitch tell me that the only people who claim the internet is bad for you are "people who want you on the office chair". How the fuck is being addicted to something that makes you feel terrible and more depressed a bunch of bullshit? I don't even want to use the internet, but if I don't my mind goes nuts.

    I could do it for a while, but that was because the flatline didn't start until later into Feburary. I felt more like my normal self during those days before that happened. I can do it, just right now people shouldn't fucking ignore the fact I am mentally broken, and will stay that way until I get the help I need in order for me to make those changes to my life.

    I am sorry for the bitter nature of my words. I can't feel joy or pleasure because of my PMO addiction (I did during the early half of Feb, again, before the flatline but not before stopping PMO) and perhaps my internet addiction.

    To me, the best solution right now is to find a therapist to find ways of addressing my issues, and taking a holiday away from my home, without internet or a screen to stare at. I haven't gone on a holiday in a decade pretty much.
     
    RightLane likes this.
  7. NFI_Freedom

    NFI_Freedom Fapstronaut

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    Hey oldduster104,

    I'm sorry if I have offended you. I'm sure you can understand that I wasn't intending to, I figured it try help expand your mind and allow you to see what sometimes is forgotten.

    I really don't think anyone here can help you with some of your challenges. We can only give so much advice and I feel you are a little resident and tense at the moment, which is understandable. No one wants to see you fail, that is why people here will take the time to speak with you, help you out.

    I'm sorry life is really challenging for you, I don't know what you've been through, I can only explain what I've been through. I've had a lot of really fucked things happen to me in life as well. You seem really angry and I don't know what you should do now. Yes, maybe some help from a medical professional.

    Just remember these forums are open for people who need help with P. We're all unstable, I have huge amounts of anxiety right now just typing and it's making this feel impossible to do, but I'm pushing myself cause I need to. I want to help you calm down, but I don't know if I can do that.

    Sorry,
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  8. oldduster104

    oldduster104 Fapstronaut

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    I am calm now, it's cool.

    The reason I posted again was because the urges I was getting were starting to bother me.

    I can't really afford to relapse if the porn addiction is doing THIS to me. I don't want this depression to last longer because I can't contain my urges to look at fetish shit. If I have to spend a few more months like this, so be it. I just want the next few months to be easier and less of the same shit.

    The worst thing about having a "non-sexual" (as in it's not really about sex, just it's an action that causes the arousal response) fetish is that I didn't even think it was porn. I never had an interest in actual porn, but instead was attracted to something I didn't know was causing the same response as porn to my brain.

    Having a sexual fetish sucks. Especially a weird one.
     
    Life Project and BismaBRJ like this.
  9. Kurticus

    Kurticus New Fapstronaut

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    GOD DAMN IT oldduster! I swear sometimes I hate seeing people like you. Always dependant on other people to sort out YOUR problems. Your never gonna find success in your lifetime if this is how you keep thinking. Even when you do escape the imprisonment of your own disgustingness, that weak, unfulfilling mindset will bring you to another problem that you hopelessly have to live with. When it comes down to it, only you can be the one to really go forth and take a hold of your destiny. I can tell you from experience that a shrink is not going to work. They can make you feel better for the time being and give you really great advice but, it's only temporary. I don't care how much pain your in or how depressed you are. The only way your going to achieve something is if you just get used to being uncomfortable and do the things you wanna do no matter what! Push your limits every single day and see how much you can really grow. I'm currently in a flatline as well and have been for a while but, I've never let that get in the way of my goals. Yes, your weak and there's only so much you can do. Yes, your a failure. But, as long as you can set goals that you can accomplish every single day, even if you have to set the smallest small of any goal you could ever set, do that, accomplish it, and the next day do just a little bit more just to push those limits and I swear to you everything you do will become easier. Trust me, I'm lying in bed right now feeling just as shitty as you are but, at the same time I have this truly grand feeling of importance that I can someday achieve something GREAT!

    Also, as a side note, meditation for the brain and exercise for the body has been by far the best methods of cultivating myself to get what I want. The trick is to have a perfect balance of the two, never over doing one over the other. This has also given me an easier time throughout this process.

    Anyhow, best of wishes to you my friend.
     
    Maurice00, Eleanor and Light139 like this.
  10. Ghost_Rider

    Ghost_Rider Fapstronaut

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    All these symptoms are mine too,
    Brain fog , lazyness, no motivation, absolutely nothing except morning woods. :)
    Im into 37 days NoFap, i think i have hit the black flatline,
    its like going through the tunnel , not expecting whether you're going to see light at the end of tunnel ever or not :)
     
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.
  11. Islanders190

    Islanders190 Fapstronaut

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    op hasn't logged in over 2 years I wonder how everything worked out for him

     
  12. RationalBrody

    RationalBrody Fapstronaut

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  13. UGetlife

    UGetlife Fapstronaut

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    After searching all time in internet , i found no solution for depression. It
    already ruined my life because of this depression. Just suffer till it consume you and make us living in hell.

    Now after suffering it for 3 years. I think why I was borned. I never want to be born and but suicide is not solution. I will fight for this and help other. I don't know why this thing won't go away.
     
  14. UGetlife

    UGetlife Fapstronaut

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    And please I am a student and can not help this website financially. Nofap helped me a lot. If anyone here have money. Donate. I have no money. Sorry
     
  15. CTRL + DEL

    CTRL + DEL Fapstronaut

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    Why are people bumping this thread? The OP is long gone and so are all of the people who originally took part.

    Start a new thread if u must.
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  16. RightLane

    RightLane Fapstronaut

    Haha. Didn't realize how old this was. My bad.
     
    Freeddom_Taker and CTRL + DEL like this.
  17. Sports4Men

    Sports4Men Fapstronaut

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    I recommend starting a sport. Like going to a boxing gym. The trainers there can help you with a wide variety of lifes problems. And you'll learn how to kick ass which girls love lol.
     
  18. LewisBrunner

    LewisBrunner Fapstronaut

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    Available antidepressant drugs like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors sometimes do not alleviate the depressed mood, fatigue, anxiety, and low self-esteem. People in the Amazonian region of Brazil, Peru, Colombia and Ecuador have for centuries used ayahuasca for therapeutic and spiritual purposes. Preliminary studies contribute to a growing body of evidence that https://dmt.vision/ayahuasca/ psychedelics can help people with difficult-to-treat depression. Ayahuasca is not a panacea, but this Amazonian sacred plant has the potential to be used safely and effectively to treat even the hardest depression
     
  19. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0034745019300794 I would think that over.
     
    BismaBRJ likes this.
  20. ishaank

    ishaank New Fapstronaut

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    Small things help and as far as depression is concerned I was feeling so bad till yesterday, but things started improving will weight training. No, I am not going to gym but have a pair of dumbells at home and did some basic exercises. The goal was not to build muscles or anything but just to relax the body and I felt as though a lot of unwanted energy passed away. Did the same dumbell exercises ( basic ones with 6kg weight only..) and feeling good again. I guess we need to keep on doing this on daily basis and things will improve. Previously I did brisk walking and jogging but using weights felt way better. So you can do it at home and check out how it goes.....all the best!
     

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