The Rock Bottom I Wanted

You will feel like you have ruined your wife, you have hurt her deeply but she is not ruined. You haven't necessarily lost your wife yet. You've got bottom, what do you do now.
As you can open up to her, be honest, answer any questions she has, be honest. Be honest with yourself.
Listen to what she says, really really listen, sometimes this means not talking or trying to fix things with words.
Read and learn here and start making your plan the beat this thing. Be open with her about what you are trying to do.
Some marriages survive this and can be stronger than they ever were before, once we stop all the crap we have been doing.
There is so very much to write. Keep reading and learning about this.
If she is willing some time, ask her to read here, learning can help her also.
Remember, if you remain together or not, you need to beat this.
Best wishes for you and your wife.
Don't be afraid to ask anything here there is a lot of experience and people willing to help.

 

Talk completely open to her and DO NEVER GIVE HER A PART OF THE FAULT. Like "we had not enough sex in that time when I started" or something else. Just my personal advise.

Because PMO is a f***** addiction. It is completely our own fault, noone elses.

However, you also need to look forward, and whilst talking completely open is important, I can also say that women are mostly not interested in details especially if they could hurt, so they should not be mentioned.

Bring her some flowers or do some handicrafts like a heart-shaped card or something. It works wonders with women.

And most importantly, use the time to make up your own mind about what you actually really want. Strongly commit yourself, because the following is likely as a package:

• She will forgive you in the end - for this time
• You will abstain from PMO for a few days easily but then there will be VERY STRONG URGES and you're going to have a fight that will last for months in strong intensity
• She might not forgive you in the future if you ever do it again. So seriously make up your mind about what's at stake.

Please excuse my strong words, they are meant as a friendly advise among adult men. Just in case it is not clear.

 

By the way, I think temporarily moving out was a very good idea. Again, use the time wisely to completely commit yourself, and also make up your mind that this will be a most intense battle for months.

 

Yes, as a wife of a PA myself, I have found this forum an amazing resource. Let her know there are other SOs here to support her and we know exactly how she feels. Sometimes just knowing you aren't the only one does wonders.

My number one piece of advice to you would be to be honest with her. Any dishonesty from you, lying, minimizing, not owning what you did is only going to stall or even hinder her healing.

If you can get your hands on the "Helping Her Heal" videos by Dr. Doug Weiss, those are extremely helpful in understanding how your wife likely feels and helping her to heal through this. It will take time.
https://www.drdougweiss.com/product/helping-her-heal-video-download/

 

Cam addict here as well. Best of luck to you in regards to this whole thing. I cannot imagine being in your shoes. I have come damned close to being caught. Thank you for sharing your story so that I and others can learn and gain ammunition to not continue down such a path.

 

Best of luck to you. You can do this!

 

Good luck brother. You can do this and you will come out stronger.

 

Feel free to take a look at my journal, and to show her if you like.

I'm on day 82, and my life and my entire marriage is changing before my eyes. It is so wonderful. Know that if your marriage ends, your wife may miss out on seeing the amazing man that you will become if you take this fight seriously.

 

Good to see you on here, I wish you all the best and you will see there is many on here with the same story as your own, so you are not alone. Listen to the advice given by the SO's on here like TryingToHeal above. HONESTY is number 1, and realising it is all you not her and to let her know this. There are some great resources, try this one first;

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/resources-that-are-helpful-to-both-pa-and-so.108414/

Also AnonymousAnnaXOXO has a great disclosure letter which is good to do and give to your wife ASAP.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?conversations/sample-disclosure-letter.468159/

Good luck with you recovery and hope to see more of you on here.

 

Great attitude and great to hear.

 

I know how you feel, my wife has discussed this with her family as well. I at first was horrified and shamed and thought it was a betrayal against my private self. I was wrong as usual in my addiction, she needed the support as I was not giving it to her and she needed to talk to people to work this out. You must support her in every way, I did not when I was first caught out and it was the worst decision I ever made. I am now only just realising a lot of stuff I wish I had known then.

This site and the people on here will support and help you, and will mostly talk to you about what you need to do to help yourself which is needed. What I think you need to do as well is seriously understand what you have done to her and make sure she understands that you are committed to fix YOUR problem. She also as I have said and everyone else will say needs you to be honest with everything, not just P related but even if you are 5 mins late, why. As any little thing can trigger her to thinking what else is he not telling me. Don't worry I am still learning this one myself. From what you are saying it sounds like you are and are on the right track and I am happy to see your progress.

Yes I am hopefully as well becoming the man she married and maybe even a better version myself and I hope you do to.

 

Let's kick the shit out of this garbage together.[/QUOTE]

I have my boots on and ready to kick this garbage with you! Lucky i did kick boxing 8 years ago