Bi or Is it the Porn?

I think that there maybe some trigger in my post and I apologize if there is, I do not mean to offend anyone, but just something that I needed to get out.

I am 64 yrs old with a porn addiction that goes back over 50 years. I am in my second marriage with 4 kids or young adults now. I started masturbating around 11 and discovered my dad's porn stash around 13 and have been going at it since then. I have had a number of long term relationships with girls and women with most of them ending over the past 15 years because of ED. My porn addiction started like most others with pictures of nude girls and progressed to regular vanilla porn. So between the porn and the girlfriends I was doing ok.

As I got older around 20, living on my own I discovered the adult video section of the local video store. I became fascinated with watching porn seeing all of these beautiful woman and well hung men going at it. This evolved to watching group sex with mostly women and a few men. I remember the first time I saw a bi scene were one guy went down another, I was immediately curious. But I never acted upon this.

About 12 years ago I started going out with my current wife, she was and still is extremely sexy and she was also submissive. I tried to be dominate and we had a lot of fun, she would do anything that I asked, light bondage, public, anal, we explored a lot. She told me about some of her experiences of submission to several men at once and these always got me hard and led to great times.

At one point we talked about bringing in a third person another male at first I was apprehensive but she told me that I would be the dominate over both of them and she would be dominate over him, she would make him give me oral. I was getting excited. After planning this for about a month, my fantasies started kicking in and I was actually looking forward to seeing and touching another man's penis for the first time. The fantasies went back and forth during the whole buildup. On the big day, he got stuck out of town and we never followed through on it, but we did have great sex that night fantasying about the possibilities.

After that my porn addiction turned mostly to first bi than transgendered person than sissy and finally gay porn. I became completely fascinated with a hard penis, couldn't stop thinking about them. I would wake up very early everyday and go into the other room and watch this type of porn and get off 1 to 3 time before getting everyone else up. If my wife was away I would spend hours on the computer watching gay/bi/transgendered person or cuckold porn. I became more and more submissive with fantasies of being taken by many men and used both orally and anally.

I bought some toys and had my wife use them on me and it was very exciting for me. I remember that I came from oral sex and she kissed me and I tasted cum for the first time and I am not sure if I liked the taste or like the act of being more submissive that I like more. From then on after sex we would clean each other orally and when I masturbated I would always lick my hand clean. I became more and more submissive. The problem was that she had a hard time being dominate as she was always very submissive herself.

Over the past number years I have had ED, probably due to the amount and type of porn that I had become addicted to. My wife got tired of me have to masturbate while she watched to get off and finally refused to have sex anymore.

I never thought that I was addicted until then. I have given up porn on a number of occasions before and it wasn't until now that I have realized how much my addiction is effecting others, especially my wife and the women in a lot of the relationships that I have had in the past. My wife found this site for me and I think that it is great, someplace where I can realize that I am not alone and I can let my feelings out for the first time. It has been three weeks and I am working hard on this for my wife, my marriage and mostly now for myself for the first time.

My problem is that I think that I may be bi because I am still fixated on penises both hard and soft, thinking about getting them hard and making them cum. Some of the desire has faded a little over the past three weeks but I still think about them a lot. I have never been with a man and don't know how I would react if I ever had the opportunity, I have never looked for a man to have sex with but I always wonder.

 

Freddiefox, thank you for your words of encouragement. If it turns out that I am bi that would be alright I don't have the fear or see anything wrong with being either bi or gay.

It has lessened but it was coming from a very high level, I have not looked at P over this period even though I have been tempted many times and I still think about it a lot, I have turned to this site to read the forum and I can identify with a lot of what is in the forums that it takes away some of the desire. This site has help out a lot and being able to express myself for the first time is very big for me.

I will do this with the help of this site, people like you that listen and provide encouragement, my wife and most importantly for myself.

 

It has been a while since I last posted but I am still holding strong with no PMO. I was in training for a marathon that I finished yesterday, so now back to posting.

I still wonder if I am bi, because even now almost 30 days into my reboot I still think of men and what it would be like to with a man or even just thinking of a hard penis still gets me excited. As soon as I get these thoughts I either get on the forum or quickly think of something else to get my mind on something else. I have been tempted a number of times to go back to some gay sites but so far have resisted. I do not want to ruin what I have set out to accomplish with the 90 day reboot.

If I am still obsessed with hard cocks after the 90 reboot any ideas on what I should do? My wife knows about my bi curious feeling and we have tried toys which was exciting for me, but not so much for her.

Still holding strong almost 1/3 of the way to my goal.

 

Well, I'm on day 33 more than a third to my goal of no PMO for 90 days. I have been getting the occasional morning wood, but no other erections during this time. I still have strong desires for a hard cock and I thought that they would start to lessen by now. The next few days will be a little tougher as my wife will be out of town for three days, so home alone.

I have been lucky because whenever I get the desire to turn on my computer and do a search for either group gay porn or nudist with erections I click onto NaFap instead and start reading the forums, so far it has worked every time. Like I said above no hard ons for the past 33 days except for the morning wood. I am also lucky to have the support of my wife who has been trying to get me off of porn for a few years, she is the one who found this sight and it has helped tremendously for both of us, as we are talking more and I find myself being more honest because I don't have to hide that I was jerking off almost everyday and yet I couldn't stay hard when having sex with her. We are both waiting for the 90 reboot to be over and see what happens.

I have discussed my 10 year obsession with cocks with her and that I think that I am bisexual, which I don't think that she would have a problem with if I could only perform with her and she also knows that I would never cheat on her. So, not sure how I could ever follow up on my bisexual desires. But still the desire is there. Maybe after the 90 day reboot the desire will be gone, but it hasn't left or diminished yet.

 

Well made it to day 36, the past couple of days have been a little tougher as my wife was out of town at a conference, so home alone with my computer. In the past it would have been many, many hours searching the internet for all types of bi/gay/transgendered person porn and masturbating 5 or six times or more, now after 36 days these desires have faded. Don't get me wrong I was still tempted a few times, but I now have an option to go here and read other peoples accounts of what they have been going through. So have stayed cleaned while she was gone. No videos, pictures or even erotic stories. Feeling much better about myself.

There still is the obsession I have with man on man sex, the need to satisfy another man to feel him get hard and to make him cum either orally or anally and to taste him. These thoughts do not seem to be going away, it is something that I have thoughts of during the day and i am still wondering if they will go away as a lot of people say that they will after I reboot. Not sure I want them to as I would be fine with being bisexual, it is just the desire is still strong. Still in the wait and see phase.

Except for a few morning woods I have pretty much limp picked. i did almost have a wet dream the other day, but i woke up a little to early. So no porn, no masturbation and no cum or no cheating or need to reset my counter. I will see this through.

 

AUTiger, thanks for the support and I will keep it going.