Could Y'all Tell Me The Emotional Side Effects That Came With Your Porn Use?

I felt sad all the time. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't have enough self control to stop.

 

Spoiler

The traumatic realization that the pipes were never actually being fixed.

 

Always depressed, frustrated, often felt suicidal.

Lots of anger.

Worried and paranoid all the time about being found out.

 

I had greatly reduced emotional responses for years. It was to the point that I considered myself quite jaded because very little would induce a reaction in me. The exception was anger. If I saw something that I thought was unethical/abusive/wrong I would feel it welling up inside me. Now that I'm off the PMO the emotions are coming back.

 

Severe brain fog that caused depression.

 

Don't get me started on bad and careless drivers. They probably deserve whatever anger you feel because of them.

I barely remember the time before porn either. It's been around 28 years since I first flipped through the pages of a porn magazine my grandfather left in his bathroom. I still frequently have the urge to look at porn simply because that's how I used to spend so much of my time. As I notice more and more aspects of my mental state improving I have to wonder how badly it affected me growing up and how things may have turned out differently without it. A significant chunk of my life was spent spinning my wheels. The reduced emotional affect definitely was a stumbling block in relationships. It may have also led to me tolerating bad behavior from others that I shouldn't have.

I see you're at the 52-day mark. I started noticing a definite mental improvement around days 80 to 90. Keep doing non-PMO activities you find enjoyable to any degree. Squeeze whatever joy you can from them. For me that turned into a positive feedback loop and led me to spend more time on healthy activities while also getting more pleasure from them, which in turn makes me more resistant to the urges to return to the old ways.

 

Severe depression.
To the point where I actually started to ask myself what am I doing on this planet and why am I still alive.