I am loosing hope in recovering !

I too am losing hope. The addiction is a vicious cycle. I've developed social anxiety as a result and I'm sure I'm depressed but I'm afraid of getting diagnosed and taking medications. I have a wife who I'm putting through hell, she knows the full extent of my addiction. I feel isolated most times and the only comfort I get is talking to webcam transgender models, that's my escalation of this addiction. Sometimes I think the only way to beat this is to join a long term retreat that I've researched. Its a place in rural Kentucky where you live for 9 months off the grid. No internet, devices, etc. The only problem I have its Christian based and I'm not deeply religious. But this seems like it would be a saving grace because I know I'm too weak to do this hard mode.

 

Totally know that they are only there to make money in which I'm not proud of the time and money I've spent. I've not been a great husband to her. I've always been kind of closed and suppress my feelings even with her. Its strange but talking to her about this transgender fetish has been the most we've talk to each other about feelings. But its eating her up and I'm just feeling bad about it but I can't stop.

 

It's difficult more times than not, It really is. I get where your coming from. Like most addictions the cycle can be really depressing (I.e relapse - feel depressed and /or recharge and re motivate - relapse). But despite the hardships, you've got to find something to fight for and know that with such resolve you will get over it soon enough. From personal experience, Nofap is an exercise in self discipline and less so, willpower. I've suffered a lot due to urges, but noticeably taking action (keeping myself accountable by staying out of my bed all day among other things) has helped. It's hard, but fortunately you have a decision.

 

I wanna ask you guys especially the ones that have stopped this addiction more than a week.
What is the reason that motivated you to be able to stop it.
I can' t find a good reason . No reason has worked for me. Thank you