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Proving you're done with it to a loved one

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by goodboijohnson, Jul 29, 2018.

  1. Jul 29, 2018 #1
    goodboijohnson

    goodboijohnson New Fapstronaut

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    Hey there, new member here.

    I've been addicted to masturbation for about as long as I can remember. It became a huge source of trouble for me and my girlfriend, and hurt her self esteem quite a lot. My deal was that in High School I grew addicted to masturbating to pictures of girls I knew on social media.

    I erased my conscience and became addicted to the rush of being able to please myself with pictures of people I knew, and they were none the wiser.

    This problem grew out of hand once I began dating who I consider to be my soul-mate, someone who is just perfect for me in every way imaginable. She would be hurt and disgusted by the fact that I was doing this, but I had done it for so long and so mindlessly that it wasn't a huge deal for me. Recently, we broke up for a period of time because of my dishonesty in general. Lying to her about stopping that bad habit, which I admittedly did improve on before the split but still found myself occasionally dabbling in, as well as drinking which is a problem for me. She left me for these reasons, and I don't blame her one bit.

    For the first few weeks of the breakup, I mindlessly took advantage of her absence to indulge myself in pictures of people I knew. However, I am on a proper mission to rectify myself and my low key dishonesty towards those I love as well as my general addiction to masturbation, social media aside, and began to grow increasingly wary of the fact that this was a huge source of friction and contributed to ruining the best relationship I'd ever had. At some point between now and the breakup, roughly about 2 months after, I'd had it. I felt disgusted myself, not just with the social media aspect but just the act in general. It leaves you feeling weak and useless. Depressed. It is simply an addiction to Dopamine, filtered through my biological imperatives.

    The more I looked at it that way, the less I began to feel the need to constantly please myself. Even masturbating to porn made me feel pathetic. I would go days without fapping and think nothing of it, then break and feel like garbage again. The trend was growing stronger. I want no part in it these days.

    I haven't masturbated to a picture of a girl I know in well over a month now.

    However, I recently somehow managed to resume my relationship with this amazing woman who I am so extremely fond of. We have some trust issues, and this is one of them. The social media aspect. The girls I know.

    How do I prove to my love that I've stopped? She is always thinking in the back of her head that I still do this and hide it from her, but I really have entirely refrained for a while now, and us getting back together has only served to completely solidify this resolve I had growing.

    How do I prove it? Nothing will satisfy this fear she has, and I don't blame her. It's just so difficult and painful for the both of us. I'm no longer doing it but we both are anxious about something that isn't even happening anymore.

    Any trust rebuilding suggestions or outside of the box ideas on how to make her believe in what is actually going on?
     
    goodboijohnson, Jul 29, 2018
    goodboijohnson, Jul 29, 2018
    #1
    Baldur likes this.
  2. Jul 29, 2018 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    There are monitoring apps that can help with this. They can alert her if you are looking at things you should not be. Most have a month free trial. This might help give her peace of mind.
     
    Deleted Account, Jul 29, 2018
    Deleted Account, Jul 29, 2018
    #2
  3. Jul 29, 2018 #3
    GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    You have my support in quitting this issue you have and getting back with your gf
     
    GA93JDeereboy, Jul 29, 2018
    GA93JDeereboy, Jul 29, 2018
    #3
  4. Jul 29, 2018 #4
    remyvc

    remyvc Fapstronaut

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    How do you access these pictures?
    If it is through social media, deleting said social media account could be a very big step. It's proofable, and you can show her your dedication towards her.
     
    remyvc, Jul 29, 2018
    remyvc, Jul 29, 2018
    #4
    Daniel stops likes this.
  5. Jul 30, 2018 #5
    Daniel stops

    Daniel stops Fapstronaut
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    I have a gf too, she is my soulmate and we are going to marry in september.

    Let me tell you our story: we have a long distance relationship and therefore I couldn't manage to get rid of my pmo addict a long time. I did this social media stuff like you explained too. I also did oggling (looking at girls in public) until she noticed it and we had a huge disput. I always tried to manage it until I noticed a few weeks ago the reason for all this stuff is my pmo addict.

    For about two weeks I used an app for rebooting, but I resetted. Now I use these NoFap forums, write some posts every day, read a lot. It changed my mind completely. I understand now the reasons and have the power to fight it.

    To come back to your posting. The oggling at other girls in public was about a year ago. It got better from month to month. I guess it just needs time. Show her your love. Convince her every single day that she is your soulmate. She will notice. And it will take some time. Even after a year my gf remembers sometimes to these bad days. But trust me, it works :)
     
    Daniel stops, Jul 30, 2018
    Daniel stops, Jul 30, 2018
    #5
    remyvc likes this.
  6. Oct 19, 2018 #6
    Drock989

    Drock989 Fapstronaut

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    I to was caught using social media as my drug, I rationalized it in my head that it wasn't porn so its not bad, well it is, so I have since then deleted my social media and never felt better. my opinion is to make living amends, this is as simple as doing the dishes without being asked or bagged to, doing the laundry without being asked, putting a solid effort in to what and how a you know you should be. but watch out, don't bite off more than you can chew, consistency is key, it can't just be a thing you do to help fix it, I has to become a way of life, and let me tell you, its worth it, you can move in to it slowly because you don't want to build up any resentment towards her because you are doing these things, you need to want to do them, because you love her, anyway that my piece, hope all is working home for you,
     
    Drock989, Oct 19, 2018
    Drock989, Oct 19, 2018
    #6
  7. Oct 19, 2018 #7
    CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    I agree with all of these. I also had this issue, and I deleted all social media about 4 years ago. It was a huge boost in trust to my relationship with my wife, and honestly, IMO, life is so much better without social media that I would never go back to it anyways. That's an actionable step you can take.

    Other than that, rebuilding trust takes a lot of time, and a lot of patience. The best advice I can give is just to be ok with her not trusting you, keep loving her the best you can, and don't get frustrated that she isn't back to trusting you 100%, even if it takes awhile. You can't rush her back into trusting you, you have to give her time to heal as well, so as long as your patient and understanding, things will get better every single day.

    Maybe even try to start changing your thinking and your triggers. If you start to think of wanting to fall back into masturbation to any image, use that and make a pact with yourself. "Every time I get this trigger, I will do/say/give one nice thing to my girlfriend instead". Give her a gift, send her a text or give her a call, it can be any gesture, but just let her know you're thinking of her, that she's the one on your mind. The more times you make that decision, the more your brain will re-wire itself to putting those actions towards her first instead of the self gratification that you've fallen to before.

    Good luck man. Let us know how it's going!
     
    CrimsnBlade, Oct 19, 2018
    CrimsnBlade, Oct 19, 2018
    #7
    Drock989 likes this.

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