I literally can't afford to relapse

That sounds really rough. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this.

Good move! Do that every time.

Vyvanse is designed to be harder to abuse - do you double up (or worse) on your doses?

You are not the first person here that I've read of binging on porn/acting-out and Vyvanse, however.

Your profile says you are 28.

That's a great strategy, I've heard it here before.

It's not too late to resist until you start the actual act. (And then, you still can choose to stop, though I know from experience that it is pretty hard and unlikely then.)

Keep trying. Don't PMO. Don't worry about any day but today. Don't worry about any time but right now. But on those days and times, don't PMO.

 

At least you realize how fucked up you are. I guess that is a starting point

 

Download the app called Calm and learn to be present, observe and let go (it also has a series on breaking habits). Watch Eckhart Tolle videos on youtube

Doing both of these things will change your life

 

Man, that's bad.

This is annoying. Thanks for reminding me that many professionals are like this (someone suggested searching professional help to me recently). I'm afraid it will take some time before psychologists accept/realise porn is a bad influence, and not a normal and natural thing in life.

 

Thank you for sharing. To my regret i recognize a lot of what you write also in my own life..

I believe we have to take it one day at a time. We need to have hope that things will get better. We need willpower and understanding that pmo is not valuable and helpful in any way. We should strive to get more inner peace, not being so lost in the mind anymore..
I wish you all the best in life and on your road of recovery, it is do-able.

I dont know if its legal in your country (but in my country its legal), but kratom has helped me to calm down at stressful moments. Be careful though, this stuff can also be addicting, so im not sure if its wise to take it.. but it has helped me at certain moments (as well as other herbs or even medicines of nature).
Grtz & peace

 

dumb mistake, but I hope you will fix it in the end by coming out clean.

 

I had a family member who spent over $8,000 dollars on one stripper over the course of about 4 months. Never got anything for that amount ether actually he did his brand new truck got backed into at the strip club and the dude drove off while he was inside and cost a couple of more thousand to fix that . If you like throwing money away strip clubs are for you

 

lol, rolling eyes.

 

At least I am working on my situation and fixing it. People should really use some common sense and stay out of trouble.

 

It was sad but true I remember when me and him went to a strip club back about 15 years ago when this happened and he gave away his whole check one night of 500 dollars to this stripper I told him he was being taken advantage of but he said it would work out it never did . I told him the place gave me the creeps the women were using the same lines on every customer there like a robot . He finally woke up from the stripper spell and doesn't want to talk about it. I guess going to his parents to explain he was broke every week to get enough money to eat and put gas in his car finally changed him.

 

oh geez. Well, hopefully there will be better days ahead of him.

 

He finally cleaned up his act and is married with children and very religious now but gee the 8,000 lost to this women I bet still stings .

 

Kratom is amazing. And it is known to lower libido a bit, so win-win

 

good to hear bro.

 

If the professional help that you found didn't work, perhaps researching for the most/best professionals in the field could help you.

In my opinion your situation is very bad. Therefore, I think it would be wise to seek help from all angles. For instance friends and family if possible, professional help (the very best, although don't get scammed or go bankrupt over it), looking towards yourself, spititual help and so on....

Also, since PMO is just a habit start adding good new habit to your life and build up. Start small perhaps just one new thing you commit to doing say today and do it every day. Then add another and repeat. Eventually you will have a new lifestyle.

Moreover, these forums help a lot. So use them.

Stay Strong,
Iceberg

 

Hi, whatsup. I wish I had some golden words of wisdom, but I don't. What I do have, though, is a lot of sympathy for your situation. It was hard to read your post from day before yesterday, but I'm glad that you shared it. Like you and others here, I wish that mental-health professionals were more helpful. Until you can find one who is, I hope that you can find some support in this online community, where lots of us know what you're going through, even if our individual circumstances differ. And at the risk of pretending to know more than I really do -- I encourage you not to worry about your sexual orientation, not now while you're struggling with the porn. I'm gay, but I don't believe that every guy who looks at another guy must be gay, too. Things really do seem to become clearer, I think, as we take steps away, however gradually, from our crazy PMO and similar behaviors. Good luck!

 

Yeah, I would advise ditching the psychologists. They've all bought into the extreme "sex positivity" BS, so that they won't ever believe any sexual behavior could ever be negative or unnatural, including porn addiction. Finding a therapist who will entertain porn addiction would be a challenge.
Additionally, porn-induced fetishes are NOT natural, I have a thread full of quotes from rebooters who completely lost their fetishes after rebooting:
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/changing-view-of-sex-from-nofap.190921/

In any case, I believe there is a three-part plan that will cure just about anybody:
1) Activity
There was a huge meta-analysis done of tons of research on addiction. They found that the number one risk factor for relapse was boredom. This is even true for rats. When you put rats in a small cage with two bottles of water - one just water, one laced with cocaine, 80-90% of the rats become addicted to the cocaine. But if you do the same experiment, but put the rats in a huge 'rat park' designed to keep them very stimulated, only 10-15% become addicted.

So I would recommend:
-Filling up as much of your time as possible with activity, (OFFLINE activity)
-Going somewhere you've never been before every single day, even just a walk in a new neighborhood will do the trick
-Keeping your mind on your goals constantly, you have to fill *desire* for productive things into your mind, or else it'll fill up with the kind of desires you don't want

2)Dealing with urges correctly
Isaac Newton was the original fapstronaut, he was deliberately completely celibate and didn't masturbate, he said:
'The way to chastity is not to struggle directly with incontinent thoughts, but to avert your thoughts with some other employment, by reading or meditating on other things, or by converse, for he who is always thinking of chastity will be always thinking of women.'

You should keep a calm attitude when an urge comes and engage your mind with something else. Additionally, keep your mind on what you really want and what your reasons for rebooting are, rather than on the urge itself.

3) Sexual Continence
It's good for rebooters to go on a temporary period of no arousal while early in the reboot. You ought to avoid thinking about sex or anything related to sex for a while when rebooting. You have to avoid all artificial sexual stimulation, anything that's arousing to you that's not a real person. That includes books, thoughts, images, fantasy, anything that's not a real person.

 

isn't that the case???

 

Yeah. It's not even just a matter of using porn to relieve boredom. When you're active and have lots of motivating things on your mind, there's not a lot of mental space for urges to take root. When you're bored and unfocused, your mental landscape is empty, and there's tons of room for urges to swarm in and take nest.