I literally can't afford to relapse

Meditation Monk · Oct 20, 2018

Hanai said: ↑

Yeah. It's not even just a matter of using porn to relieve boredom. When you're active and have lots of motivating things on your mind, there's not a lot of mental space for urges to take root. When you're bored and unfocused, your mental landscape is empty, and there's tons of room for urges to swarm in and take nest.
Click to expand...

yup, it is just like a beehive. lot's of bees swarming around but the honey is all there inside. mmmmmm.

Deleted Account · Oct 20, 2018

Hanai said: ↑

Yeah, I would advise ditching the psychologists. They've all bought into the extreme "sex positivity" BS, so that they won't ever believe any sexual behavior could ever be negative or unnatural, including porn addiction. Finding a therapist who will entertain porn addiction would be a challenge.
Additionally, porn-induced fetishes are NOT natural, I have a thread full of quotes from rebooters who completely lost their fetishes after rebooting:
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/changing-view-of-sex-from-nofap.190921/

In any case, I believe there is a three-part plan that will cure just about anybody:
1) Activity
There was a huge meta-analysis done of tons of research on addiction. They found that the number one risk factor for relapse was boredom. This is even true for rats. When you put rats in a small cage with two bottles of water - one just water, one laced with cocaine, 80-90% of the rats become addicted to the cocaine. But if you do the same experiment, but put the rats in a huge 'rat park' designed to keep them very stimulated, only 10-15% become addicted.

So I would recommend:
-Filling up as much of your time as possible with activity, (OFFLINE activity)
-Going somewhere you've never been before every single day, even just a walk in a new neighborhood will do the trick
-Keeping your mind on your goals constantly, you have to fill *desire* for productive things into your mind, or else it'll fill up with the kind of desires you don't want

2)Dealing with urges correctly
Isaac Newton was the original fapstronaut, he was deliberately completely celibate and didn't masturbate, he said:
'The way to chastity is not to struggle directly with incontinent thoughts, but to avert your thoughts with some other employment, by reading or meditating on other things, or by converse, for he who is always thinking of chastity will be always thinking of women.'

You should keep a calm attitude when an urge comes and engage your mind with something else. Additionally, keep your mind on what you really want and what your reasons for rebooting are, rather than on the urge itself.

3) Sexual Continence
It's good for rebooters to go on a temporary period of no arousal while early in the reboot. You ought to avoid thinking about sex or anything related to sex for a while when rebooting. You have to avoid all artificial sexual stimulation, anything that's arousing to you that's not a real person. That includes books, thoughts, images, fantasy, anything that's not a real person.
Click to expand...

Awesome post !! Very helpful, be blessed bro

Philomath · Oct 21, 2018

Wow. I'm so happy I'm chronically cheap and hate spending money, ever.

It's going to need lot of work for change, as you seem to have a lot of layers of issues going on. If you don't mind me asking something offbeat - what's your diet consist of?

WasZeusWrong? · Oct 21, 2018

Super interesting post, Hanai. Thanks for taking the time to write it. I strongly agree with these words of wisdom: "You have to fill *desire* for productive things into your mind" and "Fill ... time ... with activity (OFFLINE activity)." But what if my goals, activities, and productive things require being on a computer and sometimes even online? That sucks. And so many things nowadays require it. I'm really just venting, not asking you to solve my problem, but I really do appreciate your sharing your insights -- and that rat study is fascinating!

Deleted Account · Oct 21, 2018

whatsup1853 said: ↑

Alright I'm just gonna be honest. I don't know what to do, and this shit is absolutely embarrassing. I've spent almost $2,500 on Online porn cams and strip clubs within the last 5 months since turning 18. My life has gone to shit, and I'm baffled that I have made it to day 7 nofap. I'm writing this post because I was about to relapse but some type of impulse control somehow came over me. I literally can't afford to relapse. I've tried to get professional help, which if anything made it worse. I was prescribed Vyvanse at the age of 14. I just turned 18 in May.

The type of fetishes I watch and pay for on online cams - oh my gosh. I literally can't look myself in the mirror after doing this. I've begged my psychologist to diagnose me as bipolar/manic or SOMETHING as an explanation - but he has told me multiple times I'm not.

I have payed for women to humiliate me online. I've payed to have cuckold fetishes online and have guys make fun of me. I've convinced myself I must be gay because of this. I've payed thousands of fucking dollars doing this. I literally told myself the other day maybe this is just me, maybe I should embrace it. This thought made me cringe. My binges where I spend tons of money have typically been when I take Vyvanse also. I do this outside of Vyvanse too - just tends to be less often and not as frequent. The combination is something that is indescribable - It's by far the absolute best feeling I have ever felt in my life - it feels so good I have absolutely no control of it and have spent up to $800 in one night.

I don't even have true ADHD - I had to "spice up" my symptoms in order to get a stimulant because my addiction made me basically non functional. Now I'm a worthless, unemployed piece of shit with no motivation without taking anything. My dick doesn't work, It's completely numb and shriveled up. The thought of dating seems completely impossible. I'm depressed and socially isolated. I've went to more than one mental health professional about this - and I'm baffled at how unhelpful they have been, hinting to me that MAYBE ITS JUST A NORMAL FETISH THING IM INTO. WTF?

I'm fucking lost. I'm so depressed and the only thing that keeps me from relapse is imagining a big red X buzzer going off every time in my head when I have a craving - sometimes I wake up mid-craving and it's to late to resist it like that. I need fucking help. I don't know what to do.
Click to expand...

These are things that help me might help you. Journaling, p and website blockers, goals, exercise.

Deleted Account · Oct 22, 2018

Do you have any thoughts on why you find these things/act appealing?

Barry Rolfe · Oct 22, 2018

Iceberg said: ↑

If the professional help that you found didn't work, perhaps researching for the most/best professionals in the field could help you.

In my opinion your situation is very bad. Therefore, I think it would be wise to seek help from all angles. For instance friends and family if possible, professional help (the very best, although don't get scammed or go bankrupt over it), looking towards yourself, spititual help and so on....

Also, since PMO is just a habit start adding good new habit to your life and build up. Start small perhaps just one new thing you commit to doing say today and do it every day. Then add another and repeat. Eventually you will have a new lifestyle.

Moreover, these forums help a lot. So use them.

Stay Strong,
Iceberg
Click to expand...

My 2 cents. The professional help thing is good advice. I have been in a similar boat in terms of spending ridiculous amounts of money on cams. My caveat is this....You need to find a professional that will deal with both your porn issue and the issues underlying this. I saw a "professional" porn addiction for a good long while. He was able to introduce some useful concepts to me that I rely on now. Ironically I only started making progress after I quit using his services and switched to a guy that treated both mental illness and porn addiction. Long story short I was using cams as a way to treat depression and some other demons. It wasn't till I started trying to deal with the depression etc. that I have had any sort of success. The porn has been hard to totally eradicate. The cams well...I'm on my way to 100 days clean which I couldn't even come close to last year. Good luck best wishes and reach out if you need help.
PPS
I found that my adderall prescription was really contributing to my cam usage depression and anxiety. I quit it cold turkey. Not easy at all...This has most certainly helped me to break with cams.

Iceberg · Oct 22, 2018

Barry Rolfe said: ↑

My 2 cents. The professional help thing is good advice. I have been in a similar boat in terms of spending ridiculous amounts of money on cams. My caveat is this....You need to find a professional that will deal with both your porn issue and the issues underlying this. I saw a "professional" porn addiction for a good long while. He was able to introduce some useful concepts to me that I rely on now. Ironically I only started making progress after I quit using his services and switched to a guy that treated both mental illness and porn addiction. Long story short I was using cams as a way to treat depression and some other demons. It wasn't till I started trying to deal with the depression etc. that I have had any sort of success. The porn has been hard to totally eradicate. The cams well...I'm on my way to 100 days clean which I couldn't even come close to last year. Good luck best wishes and reach out if you need help.
PPS
I found that my adderall prescription was really contributing to my cam usage depression and anxiety. I quit it cold turkey. Not easy at all...This has most certainly helped me to break with cams.
Click to expand...

Congratulations on quitting. Keep it up.

So the take away is Identify the root causes of PM and then address them.

Stay Strong,
Iceberg

Log in

I literally can't afford to relapse

Meditation Monk Fapstronaut

Deleted Account Guest

Philomath Fapstronaut

WasZeusWrong? Fapstronaut

Deleted Account Guest

Deleted Account Guest

Barry Rolfe Fapstronaut

Iceberg Fapstronaut

Share This Page