Any of you guys have identity crisis?

Where did you read about the energy of the chakra's spinning backwards? I'm interested in that.

 

Its a pair of issues here, i think, our addiction and our self identity. In my experience I believe that it is crucial to be patient with both of them. Many of us are shamed by the behavior that we have invested so much time and energy in. Some of us have some pretty deep set fetishes and tastes, that range into the deviant. Its easy to feel unworthy and also untethered when you are suddenly upsetting that norm. I have engaged in pmo for the last 30+ years at least so it is definitely with a sense of loss that I am fighting not only the urges that come and go but also this stripping of something that has been part of my life for such a long time. Identity issues invariably come up here. But I also know through the work that I have done on myself and the meditative pursuits I have studied that our actions are first generated through a thought. That thought can be dismissed, sometimes not at all easily. So the idea that we feel bad is valid, but the idea that we are no good, or that we arent entitled to happiness is just as damaging as the impulse to act on our urges to masturbate, or to find a pro or whatever the case may be. Being mindful of a repetitive thought pattern that encourages our self loathing is the same as the thoughts that support our addictions. Redirecting that thought immediately is crucial.
I am on the last day of a two week business trip. A week in Vegas and now in southern Ca and no slips. I have been vigilant and feel good about my ability to stay on point. Being patient with your self and giving yourself the freedom to feel the complex emotions you feel is harder than anything I have ever done. Its easy to hate yourself, Im quite good at it. But its counter productive.

 

Hi, slapdad. I was going to quote a few lines of your post above, but then I realized that *all* of it deserves repeating. I admire you for the gentle compassion that you seem to show to yourself and the rest of us. If you're willing to share, I'd be curious to know what you've found most helpful with this challenge: "Redirecting that thought [that sets of addictions] immediately is crucial." Thanks.

 

Your message hit me on the spot. I also feel like that most of the time like I can conquer the world and save it from its problems. For example when I study at school,

 

I understand that feeling you don't know where you stand in the world.

 

Hi WZW...
I try to be alert to my thoughts. In doing so I am able to see thoughts as they arise and to make a determination as to whether they are helpful or not. I have good and bad days in this regard, but I still try to do my best. A regular meditation practice is beneficial for this, as it can help to strengthen your attention. This is especially helpful when urges arise, to see them as just another thought.
The practice in general is to try to be focused on the breath and to deliberately and gently redirect any stray thoughts back to the breath when your mind wanders. Its the simplest of concepts but it proves to be very difficult. When we can see for ourselves that the majority of our thoughts are bullshit, we can begin to let them go. Being attentive to your thoughts while you are up and out in the world can help you dismiss anything that triggers.
This is the practice that I try to maintain.

 

Yes. Its been stressful. Trying to figure out who I have been and who I want to be. Is a career change necessary for that, etc. Problem is my job pays really well and is super easy. If I were to do what I want to do (enlist) then I would take a massive pay cut and be gone a lot which would be hard on my wife. In my journey I went from feeling terrified of conflict to readily embracing it in most cases, so I may just be overcompensating.

In addition I am constantly juggling depression, anxiety, stress, frustration, etc on a daily basis. On top of all those (and what much of this results from) is pushing the person I have always been closest to out of my life. My Father. He has subtly controlled me for my entire life, and pushing him out on top of all of this was like stepping foot onto a new planet, in a new body, with a new everything, and trying to figure out who and what the fuck I am and am supposed to be.

^ this disorganized mess of a response is just showing you that yes, its normal to go through an identity crisis after quitting porn. I indulged my addiction from age 11 to 22 when I quit porn cold turkey but not M or my lusting habits. The addiction never went away. I kept the habits partially at bay for about a year or so. Not too long after getting married, I let the lust and fantasy run mostly unhinged more and more over time. Finally started watching porn again when I was 28, got caught, and the rest is history. The past 320 days are the only time in my life that I have experienced trying to live with a healthy mind, and eyes that are totally under control. Its foreign and stressful.

 

"he told me to take any rug in the house"...

 

Yes, PMO addiction has definitely caused an identity conflict within myself. A long time ago I knew who I was. But the other day I realised I have no idea who I am. I've forgotten, or it's been blocked out, or twisted, or lost because of this consuming addiction. Instead of interacting with the world I stayed within myself. My teenage years have come and gone, the years where learning many things is important, and I missed out completely. Because of that I've not developed all the skill sets most people my age have. In a sense I haven't grown up. It all makes sense when I think of how I've always felt like the boy that never grew up.