Do you guys openly tell people about your nofap struggle?

I have this friend who has told me he has escalated into viewing certain genres of porn, certainly because he knew that before I used to struggle with the same sort of fantasies/desires. But that was over a year ago. So I told him I no longer watch porn. The reply that followed was: "said no one ever." I feel so sorry for him because I know these fetishes have everything to do with pornography addiction, neurochemical overload and tolerance to it. I haven't told anyone else. People think I'm just depressed and I am, but for good reasons... But I'd rather be depressed than continue to follow this habit like a lamb to the fcking slaughter.

 

When I entered this forum I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. After some months I told mom and in the beginning she thought it was her fault, it took some months to her to understand that it was something she couldn't have prevented. Once I told a friend and she discouraged me by saying PMO was ok, and by telling I should have a relationship with anybody, she pressed me a lot so I cutted her off. And that's it, I haven't told anybody else. My plan is to tell when I fully reboot to whoever asks me why I'm so much better, so I have the evidence on myself that rebooting is a good thing! I might tell a SO because I don't want to leave the forum and my WhatsApp group, either for keeping on track and to help back, so he might ask what's going on. But I feel like I can tell only to people with deep moral and religious convictions, like I fell in sin but I'm in recovery. Oh, also I told my confessor, he of course was ok with it and though he didn't say anything his silence gave me peace and courage to keep going. He asked me the name of the forum, he might channel in here some people that struggle with this and have no idea on how to cut it off. I don't think you should tell everybody, it has to be someone you really care of and that you think will understand and support you, not discourage you.

 

I feel it's important to tell at least one or two people about it only because I think the root problem with porn isn't so much just watch porn it's the honesty and openness about it. The honesty for me has really effected my relationship with my girlfriend to the point we're on a break because I started and didn't even talk to her about my struggles when it happened again. I don't feel like you need to tell everyone, but telling people you are in a deep relationship especially romantic ones can have benefits. If you find a partner that would like to share that experience with you then I think it could even make porn ok, as long as it's a shared experience not an isolated one.

The dangers of porn is the isolation part. If you can share your experience and be more open about it I think it becomes less of a problem. I feel like I have friends that let their girlfriends know about their porn fantasies and even watch it with them. Some have even taken pictures with porn starts with their girlfriends here. But it's important that they have control of their porn and that they share that with their partner and stay open.

I'm trying to work up the courage to tell another person almost did a few times this week. we'll see

 

When I started I told a lot of people and instantly regretted it. Occasionally it'll get brought up, but for the most part I think the majority of people I have told forgot.

 

Nope. And I succeeded anyway.

 

I think it's important to tell the right people in your life. I just told my mom right now, I knew it would have to come up because I'm on a break with my girlfriend and moved back home with my parents because of porn, they were great and waited for me to be ready to tell them what was going on.

I probably wouldn't tell everybody, I understand the fear of judgement and I think the first person you tell it's important you can do it in a safe environment for you. It's not something that you need to let everyone know but I think it's important to share with with at least one person or persons in your life especially if your intimate with them.

 

It's because knowing my family they would have a huge break down. My parents would start beating themselves up for feeling like they failed as parents, my siblings would not want anything to do with me and extended family would start to disrespect my family for it.

I just don't want to cause a mass hysteria, that's all.

 

I've told a few family members, my girlfriend, and my therapist. I told them because telling other people felt like finally putting down a heavy thing that I'd been lugging around for a large percentage of my life. None of them judged me harshly, all were extremely supportive and happy for me for telling them. I can't recommend telling other people without knowing details of the relationships in question. I can only say that confiding in someone you trust is worth it.

As for the concern of being judged harshly, I can't think of any consequence so great that your life would be seriously inconvenienced from telling someone about it. I don't think you would lose a job over this, for example. No one is going to beat you up if they find out you're trying to quit porn. Your family isn't going to stop being your family because you are trying to quit porn. Your more intimate relationships may suffer from it, but I would argue that they suffer more from your non-disclosure than they would from just telling them the truth.

I understand that shame is a major component for a lot of porn addicts (it certainly is for me), so I can really empathize with the concern that someone might respond to your vulnerability with harsh words, mockery, or judgment (all of which would lead to deeper feelings of shame). It's a tricky situation, and I think it takes a lot of bravery to tell someone.

 

Oh boy, you've hit the nail right on the head.

Trouble is that everyone is pretty religious around here. I'm kinda stuck on that. :/

Well I guess I'll just wait for a little, huh? So far I do not feel it is necessary to open up to someone about it at this moment. One day, maybe, but that is not today.

Thanks for the suggestion though.

 

I've a slightly different take on this, which be a bit controversial. There's talking to people about it for gaining support, and then there's talk that brings things into the open and makes social change.

I've told quite a lot of people. But they know me as someone who talks about a lot of issues - and I always provide reasoning, and try my best to explain the science of it. For instance, I'll happily explain the benefits of fasting to co-workers or others. And yes, when you say that you will get incredulous looks on their faces. Then you go onto explaining insulin resistance, autophagy and so on - and soon they come around wanting to know more. Same goes with sugar, or other issues.

It partly depends if you are interested in nofap beyond yourself - talking about it with others (and I mean really talking about it - explaining the nature of dopamine addiction, porn, novelty act) - you can really help educate and inform people. So, it would be useful if more people talked about this openly - like all things hidden and harmful. I mean, if you have a son, or nephew - wouldn't you want to educate him and make him aware that, while he will become an adult who can make his own choices, there are dangers to porn and may affect his sexual development? Just remember not to sound evangelical about it. I take a sort: "Whoa, you won't believe what porn does to the neurology of your brain!" sort of spin on it.

Of course, only do that if you don't have much to lose. But if you have a thick-skin, or are someone who is sort of "out-there" - talking about problems is doing a good thing.

And yes, we have this forum. But most of us have come here long after the damage has been done. I wish someone told me about this much sooner in my life - with scientific reasoning. Most of us discover this through self-research when we realize something is wrong. And that's a solemn point that needs thinking about.

 

I only tell my closest friend to be honest. Most people don't have a sense of humour or straight up deny that they masturbate. There's a famous saying, men are either w*nkers, or liars. Everyone is one, and I know which I am, hence me making this account.

 

No, can't do. There is a particularly negative stigma attached to sex/ porn addiction. Anyone can drink as much as they want and openly joke about hangovers. But fappers are evil in the eyes of society even though most people do fap.

 

I am opening up with people around me now....mostly friends.....not with family though....Also I donot tell them that its nofap or something until I think they are also interested... I think I am fearful about getting responses such as a weirdo or a cult member etc...so I just tell them about my porn struggles...and it helps to keep me on the right path...

 

hmm,i tell people. how more people tell about the problems how less stigma there will be. with an apporoach of not telling people because of stigma etc, you keep the stigma.. since i'm telling people openly about all my addictions i feel much more relieved. yes, there will be people that gossip about you, but you must ask yourself "why do i want to be with gossipers and people who listen to gossipers?"
nowadays i'm with people who dont gossip and who understand the struggle..

 

Great thread. Probably won't add anything new here, but for me: to share my struggles with a couple of close, supportive friends was a turning point for me. It's helped to make me more accountable, it's helped to release shame and guilt around it, and it's even opened the door for me to help another friend who's been struggling with porn, and I was able to introduce him to this website. To help another person directly is a great experience. I'm involved in twelve step recovery for other issues, so it wasn't a leap for me to see the benefit in sharing this. I do suggest being careful though, to ensure as much as possible that we are sharing with someone who understands about addiction and is supportive of us tackling our porn addiction, and can respect our privacy and confidence. If we mention it to a buddy and he doesn't understand it, or feels threatened by it (maybe because most people on some level know it's not the best thing to pmo but maybe don't want to give it up) or they think it's weird, that type of person could spill the beans when drunk or something or make fun of us, which could potentially make things worse. That would suck, and the stigma around addiction sucks. Thankfully the friends I've told have been good dudes who I trust and it's been a freeing experience. I hope more and more that people are able to share about this, as I think this younger generation especially is gonna get fucked up by all the porn out there at their fingertips, but also could be bringers of great change and strength. But I get it that it's hard. Anyway. Good luck to everyone with this!

 

First time Nofap user. I really appreciate you honest guys. I’m a married man with three daughters, finally disgusted with 20 years of moderate porn use. Just cant kick the habit, despite an active religious life. After reading your threads, i think some of you should look up “cognitive dissonance”. It expains why we feel so much stress and shame over this subject. I am here to finally bring together my righteous public life with my secret private life. No more cognitive dissonance. Need all the help I can get!

 

For me personally absolutely not. There is no way my friends would benefit from that, I won't either, so why would I tell them. They are not experts on addiction so they don't need to know and their advice is useless. It would just make things wierd. I told a girlfriend once that I pmod before seeing her that's why I couldn't get hard but I didn't tell her I was addicted. It depends on your situation though if you are really addicted and you have a so then you have a different problem. I don't really use porn when I have a gf because I just have sex with her. If you have a wife or gf and you are pmoING all the time and not having sex with her than that is an issue imo, you might want to explain things to her and tell her you are taking steps to get better, but not tell her every time you relapse and don't have her be an accountability partner

 

I've talked to certain friends about it. I know that quitting porn made me happier and I think it could help other guys too. Explaining your reasons and motivations to another person who can ask qurstions about it is a great way of strengthening your resolve.

Also, think about this: have you ever been envious of a friend because they watched more porn than you? Wanted to ve more like that? Strong relationships with a beautiful partner who loves you, where you have more and better sex, that is the sort of thing that others will admire in you. Noone wants a man who spends all his time fapping in front of a screen. They want a partner who lusts after them, and who is invested in meeting their needs. Happy lovers are generous lovers.

Talking to your friends about nofap is like being the ultimate wingman, helping them to be the best man they can be for their current or future partners.