A group for Recovering married PA’s with 7+ months of Sobriety

People keep talking about therapist guided disclosure as though it's a requirement on this journey. While I feel very strongly that a full disclosure must happen, this notion that it HAS to be therapist guided is nonsense.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying therapist guided is wrong, by any means. In fact, for many that is the only safe way. Rather, I'm just pointing out that full disclosure can happen for many couples without a therapist, between just the two of them, and be quite successful. In some instances, therapist guided can actually do more harm (because we all know there are shitty therapists out there).

I just wanted to make that point. Different couples have different needs.

 

Zing! Lolol

Thank you!

 

So what exactly do you have in mind? A Skype call? A private conversation on the forums?

 

Exactly. Didn’t need a therapist and I neeeded to know right after DDAY to even be open to moving fwd and I didn’t need a letter . I truly don’t understand a woman being told they have to wait to find out all that was done .

 

Awesome answer

Thx!

 

Unless you are physically or emotionally in harm, the therapist doesn't have to tell the wife anything the husband requests her not share.
Essentially, what you get is what you get, no matter where it's given. Our husband's hold the key of truth; it's up to us to trust.

I did read an article a couple of days ago from a recovering SA, who said his wife made him do a polygraph shortly after dday. Every year since dday, he takes a polygraph. He says this forces him to be honest with his wife. I still don't know how I feel about this. I personally would rather walk than make my husband take a polygraph. I have scanxiety from my mom's cancer, so for 11 months leading up to the damn polygraph I would be a skitz wondering what it was going to show.

I personally view disclosure on the basis of human rights. I don't care where the partner finds out, but give her the option to know!
I was told throughout my house in the span of a week. He still holds firm that he told me everything. Gotta believe him. Alternative is to get even crazier & I'll pass on that

 

This post is starting to get hijacked,, I politely suggest we refocus !!

I’m interested in the group discussion. Been having trouble formulating the next steps. PMO in check but how to make it last? No more second chances (actually 5th chance but who’s counting?)
Quite easy to fade away from this site when finding success and feeling confident which I’ve been warned is relapse territory.

 

I think I have premium.
Or at least am a supporter.

I can ask to start a group.

Shall we collect things like what we might call ourselves and such so we have a Focus when presented?

 

Titles, some serious:

‘90 days in the hole’

‘Some see mud, others see stars’

‘Pilgrims progress’

Better ones, I’m sure...

Anyone in the SO group or other PA group started this year, and reading this, have any learned guidelines?

Should a be a way to store links and threads as a sticky for referral?

 

As far as names, we can go with the space metaphors that the site is always using, “fapstronauts”. We’ve broken free of the gravitational pull of addiction, but now we’re in the new and uncharted territory of a porn free marriage. A strange new world - both deeply familiar and utterly alien. Full of great treasure and discovery and deadly pitfalls that could send us right back where we started or worse. We’ve trained for this as far as our own character, but there aren’t really training manuals that answer the questions we have to deal with.

So....

Fapsplorers?

 

By the way, since every marriage and relationship is different, I don’t know that 90 days hard mode need be required per se. But maybe a good 9 months free if you haven’t? Not sure what the equivalent is. Or maybe a full six months of no masturbatory sex? Just some thoughts.

 

Hubby and I never did “hard mode”, we talked about it. My reason for not was because of my infertility issues, I didn’t want to loose the precious possibility and time during ovulation. But I agreed we would do it if he felt strongly that he needed it. So we found a healthy medium and it worked for us (he’s over 400 days no PM). I would think the “hard mode” requirement would hold back quite a few PA’s from such a valuable group, especially without understanding of why hard mode option was not taken.

 

@Lavrans

To follow your line.

“To 500 days and beyond”

Implies minimally where we are going, Buzz Lightyear notwithstanding.

 

@Trappist - I hear that, though don’t you think it’s not about days anymore, but about an amazing marriage and a free intimate sexual relationship like we never dreamed of?

So more like “to intimacy, and beyond!”

 

Fapsteroids!