Day 21. Lol addiction-Pmo addiction?- Scratching my skin problem

Hi 21,

Everyone follows their own unique path. I can't tell you that my path is the necessary one, only that it was for me.

I'm thirty years old. This past week I reached one full year free of porn and lust. That's after a 15 year addiction (half my life). It's been the most challenging year of my life and the most necessary. And I'm grateful for it.

My advice is that your life would be better without video games. We all have addictions of all kinds. For some they take the form of substances including porn and video games. But for almost all of us we are addicted to negative thought patterns. My primary negative thought pattern has been "I am ultimately undeserving of real, deep, spiritually connected love". My use of porn was just a symptom of this negative and false belief.

I would suggest that one of your false and negative beliefs is this: "I am not able to experience the life I deeply desire. I am not good enough to really be a hero. I can't actually accomplish anything truly great".

The thing with our addiction to porn is that a part of our brain actually believes that we are having sex with a myriad of real women. When we look at porn we lie to our brains and our real relationships suffer. When you play video games or watch movies, a part of your brain actually believes you are really there accomplishing these great, heroic feats.

I've spent the past year living more authentically than ever before. I'm actually pursuing my real dreams rather than escaping to these worlds of fantasy that never actually offered a true sense of accomplishment.

I don't mean to sound extreme. I don't think it's wrong to watch a movie or play a video game, but I would suggest that you remain mindful of reality. Getting lost in a lie will never actually serve you.

Here is something that is true: you are fully deserving of real love. You also deserve to have real dreams for your real life and to see them fulfilled. You are capable of greatness.

Here is something else that is true: the pursuit of your dreams and the realization of love are incredibly challenging tasks, but this is where you must change your perspective. Recognize that these challenges are also incredible gifts. Take them on with courage and with a positive mind.

 

What are you feeling when you do the scratching? Is it anxiety? Restlessness? Self-loathing? Scratching an itch does create endorphins, which feel good, but it's brief. After the good feeling passes the itch returns, usually stronger. It may be that your body is externalizing that old porn brain pattern. You scratch the itch and at first you feel relieved but then the itch gets stronger. Try to address the root problem (anxiety, loneliness, self-loathing, etc.) rather than just the symptom.