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More Difficult Than I Thought...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by watch, Jan 17, 2015.

  1. watch

    watch Fapstronaut

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    So, I just looked at some P and O'd....

    The weird thing is that I actually haven't M'd in a really really long time. What happens is that I look at P for an average of about 5 minutes and then I just O. That's what I've been doing for a while now, so I never actually have the temptation to M, I just have the temptation to watch P until i O. The other funny thing is that I sometimes will watch P for a while and will get soft, like it doesn't really even turn me on, I just watch it. It's almost like my brain M'ing, but i'm not...

    The other thing is this. I definitely want to stop PMO, but I haven't noticed any effects in my daily life as a result of watching it. Or maybe there are effects, but I have never stopped for a long enough period of time to know the difference. I rarely feel tempted to check out girls and I have never ever in a million years wanted to cheat on my fiancee. The thought of having sex with girls other than my fiancee really disgusts me, and when I watch P, I can't look at the girls faces because it absolutely turns me waaay off. That's the other thing, nothing in the whole world makes me hornier than my fiancee, but I really don't think sexually about her. We are long distance currently, and we are abstaining from sex until marriage, so we have no sexual contact whatsoever, we actually have a "no making out" rule. But every time I see her face or hear her voice, I get the most insane boner I have ever felt in my life. When I went to visit her about 2 weeks ago, I had a wet dream almost every single night I was there, and nothing at all sexual happened, nor was I thinking sexually about her.

    So I feel that my temptation and addiction is very very specific. It's only when I get in front of the computer, I get the urge to just look at P, and not to M, and the P normally does not consciously turn me on, but there is such a strong chemical release from it, I just keep going back to it. I think this is a result from years and years of conditioning during high school where I would every day sit in front of the computer and watch P. The longest that I ever went was 5 months, and that was just because i was traveling and didn't have access to a computer. So I should either ditch my computer or disassociate it with P?

    Anyway, I made it 4 days, which sucks because I really thought I could wait 10 months! This is a lot harder than I thought.
    If you pray, please pray for me! Message me if you want prayers! And let me know what you think...

    Peace.
     
  2. Nofapnoo

    Nofapnoo Fapstronaut

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  3. lrrypro

    lrrypro Fapstronaut

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    Hmm I think your brain is already getting less sensitive to the dopamine releases, strong enough to get some satisfaction but not quite the sufficient to O, just like me now.
    hey we're not perfect as Nofapnoo said, I've found that a daily quiet time does help alot along with some intermittent thinking of God's word during rests like short toilet breaks. Anywho, Im still praying for your walk with God, as well as your marriage in the future.
     
  4. Whatever

    Whatever Fapstronaut

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    You have to be determined, you have to have discernment, and you have to know that you 'have' the potential to improve the quality of being.

    Recovering from Masturbation Addiction is like gardening, you eliminate the weeds while tending the worthy plants.

    It takes time but if you do not abandon the garden it will flourish.
     

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