Just disclosed my addiction to SO

Welcome. I hope you have been able to check out @AnonymousAnnaXOXO help thread. Amazing collection of information for PA’s and SO’s. It could really help you to know what your SO could be going through as her understanding P addiction too.

 

Struggling to read this one as a SO. Not sure why all the picture exchanges would happen. if you love your partner, then why are you doing the things you know you would have to lie about in the first place. What do you get from women who are not your SO?

 

Complete transparency is needed. Open and honest.
For us it didn't work until that happened, along with discussions on feelings, about this issue, about many things. Communication is key, both ways. You are a couple and a couple needs both involved even if it is just you with the issue to fix.

 

Telling my SO was probably one of the hardest things I did, but the complete transparency and constant updates is probably the single greatest factor impacting my reboot. Check out @AnonymousAnnaXOXO's resources. she has great ways to for constant check-ins and whatnot.

I don't know why any SO would stay with a PA. Women just be crazy. Or that despite everything, they have invested in the relationship and have fond memories and don't want to burn it if there's a chance of recovery. Who knows. All I know is that my wife supports my recovery and celebrates my accomplishments. I have someone to talk to and the darkness in my mind, the guilt, the self-loathing, the resentment dissipated when I told her.

Obviously there is still a struggle, there always will be, we will always be scarred, but we do change and become better people. They help a lot. It is far easier to recover in a relationship in some ways than by oneself.

Regardless of the severity of this, I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. Rather focus on propelling yourself forward rather than beating yourself up which will just lead back to relapse

 

SAA has been so impt for me.

Go 100%, get a sponsor in the 1st few weeks, even if one is assigned to you.

Half measures do nothing,
Everything gets recovery going.

I came here first, too.

 

I would also recommend the following. This depends on your SO, but from my own experience and from asking other SOs here, I can recommend the following. I wouldn't make your recovery about your SO. I found that using when your recovery depends on an outside entity, then your motivation will waver according to your perception of that external entity's concern. Instead recover with your partner; involve her heavily in your recovery. Talk to her, give her updates, tell her what's going on in your mind and what you're trying to accomplish. Explain what's difficult and your triggers. Don't do it from a sense of obligation, but from a sense of intimacy and love; you are entrusting your darkest secret to her out of love helps rebuild your relationship. When she is a part of your recovery, it'll bring you closer together and she'll support you.

If you keep her in the dark or do things out of obligation, she'll want to recover and give you help but you won't rebuild trust and she'll get angry when you reboot. You'll find that when you recover with your partner, not just your relationship will improve, but your recovery will be stronger. Women are interesting creatures and the impact they have on us when we have their love and support is quite profound. I wouldn't underestimate it. But again, it would depend on how much she wants to know.

 

She is incredibly lucky you had the guts to tell her. If only every guy was like you. I hope you can work through this together now

 

It is incredibly hard and I am still working on opening up more with my SO. You are headed in the right direction it sounds like.

 

This is all great. My biggest regret is I didn’t disclose this to my wife. She found out by going on my computer. It has made this all 300000 times worse. I am 21 days removed since she found out and my biggest takeaway is the level of clarity I had.

Addiction is partly fueled by its secrecy and fantasy. I found that once that is out there it is a lot easier to look at it or take my thoughts and squash them.

You’ve done the hardest part. Maybe download K9 or set restrictions / have your SO set a password.

Maybe start reading about sex addiction.

Keep posting on here and keep up with your journal.

Talking about it is huge progress.

 

So you just used your SO to get rid of your guilt. You shouldn't be just confessing so you don't feel guilty.

To a degree but we should be reasonable. You don't just tell her everything, many SO don't want to know everything. SO shouldn't be treated like a doormat for us to wipe our dirty guilty feet on.

 

Of course, going into vivid detail about everything is not necessary. But you shouldn't be keeping secrets either, which is what I meant. I would never imply using anyone especially a SO as a doormat.

 

very mature response. You are definitely on the right path!