Lack of motivation in critical situations

Hello. I have a question.
Last days were the ones of difficult struggle for me. I've been in a critical situation just a step of relapsing (all of sudden - the reboot until now was quite calm) and what I have learnt, that one of the worst things that can happen in this situation is total lack of motivation to abstain.

You probably know the situation - the hearth is beating like a hell, you can feel the blood pumping in your body and you don't care about any other things. "You" just want to do it at the moment. No matter what it costs. And it seems that ale the struggle has no meaning at all, that it won't give you the pleasure of orgasming and that it's just torturing of yourself. And it's just a moment. If you are able to sustain, this feeling will fade away in few minutes and you're sane again (I guess it's just some hormonal process inside the body which affects the mind). But at the moment, you are without this help.. it's scary.

One of the several things which led me for abstaining in the situation was a thought that I was able to make almost for six weeks and it's a long time to start again. And also a shame that I would have to admit my fail to all of you in my diary (this is funny - it seems to me that I can hardly control myself against this craving, but I don't want to lie here.. probably because it would be same as lying to myself). So.. these are pretty poor reasons to stick with decision, right? I mean.. only thing that matter is to not fail against the craving. But what I mean.. it seemed to me more noble until now. But after these hard moments I can see throught more clearly and it's.. disturbing. So this is probably a question for people with a longer streaks.. what are your thoughts on motivation and reasons to continue in these worst moments?

You know I've got a good motivation in my daily life and I think it's a good one. But in these moments of the larges craving it's like it's not me. It's like the worst parts of me are speaking in my mind. Does that make any sense? I am a bit unsure if I was able to explain what I wanted to say.

Thank you for your responses.

 

the major urges that hit and take over you will happen, you have a demon in you that is struggling to keep its host, it will use all its power to make you nourish it and let it survive. These cravings are not yours, and every second you fight them you are denying this parasite of its existence. Just view it as the toxin leaving your body, these urges WILL fade and eventually leave in time. So when those insane cravings hit you need to tell yourself that you are powerfuller than it and there is no way in hell you are going to start over. As for motivation well, that is something only you can find out for yourself, ask yourself what it is you want and what quitting will get you, make your endless vow and give the addiction hell.

 

Well, thing is that I don't lack motivation like.. generally. The thing is that however it may be noble it seems that it just fades away in moments that you are on the borderline and choosing whether to give up or not. All the rationalisation is aside and you are just choosing on the basis of feelings, etc.. seems to me. I can say that I don't really understand the advices of some people who tell that you should think about your life, goals, etc.. in the moments of the biggest craving. It seems to me that it doesn't work because in the moments if biggest craving your mind is against you.

So I guess that is what I am asking. Not which motivation to choose, but how much you can count on it? Is it's purpose changing during time? And maybe (and that is not as silly question as it may seem) - does it work the same for everyone? Because as I see it, we have different approaches and condition. And some other point of view might be helpfull.

 

when all rationality is gone, you have no choice but to walk away, get away from the situation. Dump yourself into a cold bath if you have to but generally you need to stop it before it gets that bad. Even when you think you cant do it, you have to stay strong, SCREAM if you have to, and get the hell away from the temptation. Trust me i know what your going through every time i relapsed was because of moments like those, im on day 7 so i know ill have lots of those soon enough, as soon as the urge builds up leave the area dont allow yourself to be in a place where you can give in, bite the back of your lip HARD and dont stop until it goes away.

 

Ok. That makes sense, this idea about biological system - I think that's very exact because if this system is turned on, the rationality is weaker and I guess there is some hormonal tornado in body. Good point.
Well I am doing what I can to avoid all arousing material but as they say - shit happens and this time I was very unlucky in approaching these arousing materials. The best way is avoid it at all. Got it. But is there some effective method how to handle the situation when this 'going wild' biological system is on? Because that may happen (despite all the caution and prevention - all media are full of arousing materials) and I want to be prepare if that situation comes. I was able to make a step back just thanks to the will, but I wasn't really sure to be honest. Thanks for a good notion though.

 

T_G_N: You've described quite clearly the method I've already started to use (though it wasn't absolutely wittingly). I've surmised that I should avoid the situations where I used to relapse so I've stopped working in one room for sure. Just to be safe. But your post is very helpful because it clearly explains some mechanisms which I was able to observe (and try to keep as much as possible) but without proper rational understanding. What is really suprising to me that there is even psychological method using this mechanism - I will try to find something more about it.
There is a good coincidence that I've moved to new apartmant during my reboot, so this is a clear space for me - and I will do as much as I can to keep it like this. It should be helpful according to this theory as well, right?

Count me in, I will be glad for another informations. Thank you.