At some point you have ask yourself....

Why am I doing this? Bear with me.

I've had a couple relapses in about 16months. Like literally 2. One thing is for sure my perception has altered in the last 4 to 6 months. In the beginning was doing this to have a wonderful and stud like love life. I thought that it would blast me back into a young teen like state of being a ravenous monster like I used be, putting on clinics in the sack. Humbly it hasn't happened and I dont think I ever will be which at first made me feel depressed and worthless. Wait... as if that's all I really am capable of? I mean, is that the epitome of my being? Being a stud in the sack and knocking a womans block off? A 20 to 60min wham bam and this is supposed to make me feel like I'm complete?

Man my thinking has changed. I've come to terms that I wont be that 18 or 24yr old marathon man and that my ultimate goal now is a better version of myself. A more strong, aware and in control person. Someone with a deeply woven inner strength which I feel can only be had by abstinence.

In closing. For some of you. Rethink and realign your intention. You are more then a sex machine and a women pleaser. You weren't put here just to f*ck. You are not defined by how good you drill your mate. There are deeper channels awaiting for you to be tuned into. Adjust your frequency.

 

Likely not completely absent from O no. I'm alone and been alone for a long time. 6 to 7yrs. Had a couple of girlfriends in this time. My situation is complicated however I will say this.i wont be in a rush to empty myself. When I get married or find another long term relationship I wont be looking for sex at every turn. I will always control this. I will not allow my desires to control my life. If I dont f*ck I dont f*ck. Where as in the past if my lady didnt f*ck I'd get all pissed off and PMO or I would have sex with her and still PMO after.

I will never O without someone present ever again. This I can truly say with 100% confidence because I've done my reboot completely isolated in my house with no one around me for 16mos. I feel I've mastered the control aspect. I hate looking at P now. Its revolting to me because I see people as people. The only person I want to see is the one I have a SPIRITUAL connection with.