Anybody else here feel porn is only part of issue?

im socially awkward, im kinda weird, theres times i get caught off guard or dont get obvious jokes, i can be kinda doushy. Did anyone else have overly controlling parents and or issues with peers in school growing up? My mom is strict christian and doesnt care about what anyone wants for themselves only what she wants for them. My dad is a loner and very authoratative. I love my parents but i think growing up they didnt help me how i needed. Often if anything, the ways they would try to help made matters worse. Basically alot of people do not like and are against me and attractive women are always with the crowds of people that hate me. The main reason why i have been reluctant to want to date. Somehow everyone seems to know everyone. I fear people bash me behind my back and try to “cock block” me with few women i do meet. I try to be nice to people but they are rarely nice back. I was bullied, had no friends, girls would even make fun of me too. Its all this bull shit i went through growing up mixed with ptsd anxiety. I didnt do well in highschool because i was so upset with things. I just wanted it to be over. I feel trapped i wanna move on in life but its challenging letting stuff go when who knows what bs will happen next? Everytime i get rejected or sit back and look at how life is going by. I feel inadequate, pathetic, mentally fatigued and just boring in the eyes of women or just people. I really dont like myself, whats happened to me cant be normal. People say learn to like yourself, i say How can anyone like themselves when they had been ripped on all their life and feel the way I do? From time to time, i think. What if i had friends, what if i got to move or change schools, could a fresh start really make a difference? What would i be doing now? If anyone can relate or wants to tell me what they think, i am interested in hearing what you have to say...

 

Thx DGZ, theres times the bad memories and they hurt alot. I wanna move too