The Myth of the Loner

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Intelli Gent, Nov 8, 2018.

  1. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

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    Once upon a time I was lonely. I was married once, young had at the time I thought a hot wife. Life was good, I had a good job, a nice house, a dog and a nice truck.
    Then it all hit the fan. My wife started a cycle of cheating that lasted for three years. With each of us cheating on the other more times than probably either can count and more than I can care to recall. At times it is best to let the ghosts stay in grave.
    I had never felt such a true loneliness that the day I was at home in my bed crying like a little bitch, because I could FEEL in my spirit, I KNEW in my mind what she was doing that night.
    You see loneliness isn't being solitary in life. Loneliness comes and stems from when you have given of yourself and trusted yourself to someone and they take it and shit all over it. They take what you have given them and use it as a doormat to enter the bed of another. They take back what they gave you and said it was never yours and they never trusted you with it. You were not worthy of it.
    Loneliness is linked with a lack of inability to engage in the relationship you find yourself in.
    The story of me and that woman ended up in a divorce on "good enough" terms, and I wound up in the solitary lifestyle again. I lived in a small, secluded bachelors pad off the road in a small little rural hamlet. It was quiet. I didn't have many friends. I certainly didn't have much time to hang out with anyone. But it was quiet and quiet was what I needed for my soul to heal. The body craves the cure when its sick, but it resists the taste of the medicine or prick of the needle that delivers it.
    The feeling of loneliness stems from a lack of self reliance, an aversion to stillness.
    The best way to come to grips with being lonely is to learn to be okay with the idea that 1) you may be alone for the rest of your life 2) being alone doesnt mean that you have to sit at home by yourself. Loneliness does not equal isolation. 3) use this as a time to do what you want to do. Personal goals and bucket lists are harder to achieve in a relationship 4) remember even though you may not have an SO, you can still leave your legacy behind.
    So, embrace the stillness and quiet. Go outside to your firepit , light a fire, sit in your hammock, burn whatever the hell you wanna burn in that fire, pet your dog, stare at the stars. Let your mind search yourself. Feel yourself in the world, feel your spirit within itself.
    Stop worrying about what you cannot control. If you are quitting to gain a relationship, you are already on the wrong path. Everything comes and goes, what remains is you.
     
  2. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

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    Very interesting imagery. Nice scene. I've felt crushing loneliness where it was like life was all wooden. It's not true, but it's how it feels. The things you mention are good ways to reacquaint with appreciating life.
     
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  3. Skywalker101

    Skywalker101 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for posting this.
     
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  4. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

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    Life is fluid, the future is fluid. The only way things solidify is if we will it to be. Oftentimes, the reason we are in a funk, is because we do not appreciate the place where we are. Solitude is a blessing from God. It is a time where you can deal with your excuses, demons, and doubts one at a time.
    The giants aren't so big if you take them one by one.
     
  5. Never felt this... an i am sorry you did.
     
  6. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I REALLY needed to read this.
    Thanks for reminding me I will be OK :)
     
  7. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

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    You are welcome. I always seek to help.
     
  8. I agree with you, I've been alone most of my life, but the actual hurt I felt were from the women that bit a piece of me, and spat me out. Being alone isn't ideal, though if you learn to overcome it, and become a friend to yourself. It's like not being alone. Much of the suffering people feel about it I believe comes from the expectation of having somebody, and idealyzing other people's lives.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2018
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  9. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

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    Very true. You start putting all these other people and things on a pedestal above you when you start trying to force companionship and relationships.
    Then when those things lose their luster, it helps to feed that loneliness inside because you start to lose hope that anything will stand the test of time.
     
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  10. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    This part rings true for me. I'll supplement it with a quote from philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre:

    Loneliness isn't isolation, it stems from the fact that you don't accept yourself for who you really are.
     
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  11. Arbiter

    Arbiter Fapstronaut

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    Right i the feels, so true.
    You dont need anything or anybody but yourself to be happy, trust me.
     
  12. Yo hunter, hopes it alright by you... got some sunny days by me.
     
  13. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

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    Kinda struggling with the urges right now. 10 days sober, but damn I ain't gonna lie it's tough.
    Trying to keep mind and hands busy with energy outlets. Drawing what I feel and doing some paracording.
     
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  14. Very interesting read. I have been lonely in large parts of my life. It was horrible, but it felt very different to what you describe. I guess there are many ways to be lonely.
     
  15. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

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    Well, everything is from the perspective of the one who writes it. Even history is flavored by the one who records it.
    There may be many ways to BE lonely, but loneliness is loneliness.
    It isn't solitude.
    It isn't homesickness.
    It is pretty close to what I imagine depression would be like.
    Loneliness to me is that anxious, frantic search to find companionship. To the point of where you have emptied yourself into so many useless activities that your spirit is just gone. Your psyche is all out of whack. You've got no heart, no desire to do anything. So you just start turning to the instant gratification. The instant highs. Drugs, video games, social media, porn, easy relationships.
    In the end loneliness is a weight.
     
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  16. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

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    BUSY-BODY VS. BEING BUSY
    Here are some of the things I do to keep my mind rolling when I'm bored at work. (Seems like that is where I've got the most free time.... weird as s%^t)
    1) I picked up begleri. I personally like using my chotki, but learning to use a skill toy can be a fun, beautiful way to occupy your mind.
    2) I draw, but I would recommend trying to draw artwork that uplifts others or has a meaning. Drawing about your urges or desires can turnlead, offensive, and downright derogatory. Not to mention be embarrassing towards a potential significant other. Or worse lead to a relapse.
     
  17. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

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    3) I started journaling my journey, and being open and honest about everything. Something about getting it in paper helps out a ton.
    4) Exercise.
     
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  18. Loneliness often causes depression. Anxiety and depression can also be the cause of loneliness.

    Old People who are not connected to others often start to suffer from dementia.

    Humans are a herd animal, it is not healthy to stay lonely. But it is a vicious circle difficult to break.
     
  19. Intelli Gent

    Intelli Gent Fapstronaut

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    RECIPE FOR SUCCESS:
    start the day off with a good clean breakfast
    Oatmeal with cinnamon and blueberries helps. Add a little milk. You are set to go.
    Eating helps out your brain which will help out your mood as well
     
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