TO ALL OF NOFAP: 12 steps, recovery, and an invitation to action.

I have been a member of AA for almost three years now. My last drink was in January 2016.

When I got sober, I felt entirely powerless. I admitted that to myself, and a room full of other men, when I attended my first AA meeting. I took a white chip. And immediately... I felt hopeful. A room full of men applauded and cheered. Immediately after the meeting, half a dozen approached me and gave me their numbers. These became my best friends.

They walked me through the twelve steps. Broadly, this is what that involves: I admitted that I was powerless over my drinking, but believed that there was a God of my own understanding that could keep me sober (no religious affiliation needed, no need for omnipotence, just some force or thing greater than me that wanted my well-being and would help me). I trusted that God.

I joined my sponsor and took a deep look at the causes and conditions that led me to drink in the first place. I looked at the bad habits that I had developed while drinking. I humbly asked God to remove all of those things from me.

I made a list of all of the persons that I had harmed, both directly and indirectly, as a result of my drinking. I made humble amends to them whenever possible.

After all of this, I felt freedom. I felt the most perfect serenity and peace that you can imagine. I am as confident as I am of my name, that if I continue working my program in AA, I will never drink again. And if you knew how I drank, you would know, that is not something I am doing through my own power.

But here I am, nearly three years later, struggling with intimacy as a result of pornography. And I find myself in a similar position as I did in January 2016. I find myself praying, and finding this relief. I work these 12 steps with my problem, and I get the same relief as I did with alcohol.

And so I ask myself, men: is there currently a twelve step program that works only with pornography? I do not believe there is. There is a multitude of groups that work with porn among other things. But the relationship I find with others committed to a life without pornography is, I suppose, as powerful as I find in the relationship with others that I found committed to a life without alcohol.

And if, as I suppose, there is no such program: let us come together and make one. To every man who reads this post and says, I too felt powerless. I too felt despair. I too was willing to do whatever it took to remove this from my life. I too felt pain and caused others to feel it as well.

There are those who say, "I am agnostic." Do not worry. There are a countless number among us in AA that felt the same way, myself included. With a willingness, a power greater than yourself that can keep you "sober" asserts itself... whether that is a meditation on the power of love in the world, the chain of events that so aligned to bring us all together... whatever works for you, has power for you and moves you.

Friends, we can change the world. Our world is becoming more and more dependent on pornography. Those who come to realize that porn is harmful to their lives, or otherwise want to eliminate it, will increase rapidly in number. This is the chance to be the founding member of a program that gives them a place to go. To give legs to this amazing online forum, and bring us face-to-face with one another. To grow and expand our fellowship.

I invite all discussion on this thread. Please know, I am not forcing this on anyone. I am inviting all who are interested. This notion of surrender and twelve steps is based on attraction rather than promotion. With that in mind, I ask that if you have the opinion that twelve steps are nonsense, or that this will never work, that you move along. There is no place for trolling here, where we all seek earnestly to have a better life tomorrow than we did today: for ourselves, for our families, and for all who touch our world.

Love and goodness to you all.

 

I appreciate your comments, very much. And am sorry for your painful experiences in the past.

I revile rules, honestly. Detest them. So I suppose we can start with common ground there!

So you'll be interested to know, my experience with 12 steps was not one of rules. Fundamentally, 12 steps isnt about rules. Which may be a bit hard to believe.

12 steps begin at the point where you say, I am powerless. I cant do this on my own. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get "sober."

And at that point, 12 steps says back, we did it! We were in your same spot. And not only have we gotten "sober," life is better than ever before. Here are the steps we took.

It is a central tenet of 12 steps that there are no rules... only suggestions. But the core idea is this: you are broken, you feel powerless? We did too. If you want what we have, here is how we did it.

Ultimately, 12 steps is not a one-size fits all. Some may benefit more from other forms of recovery. But where powerlessness meets willingness, it works. The millions of persons worldwide that are members of 12 steps today began with only 100 alcoholics in 1939. So, if this recovery is not for you, I earnestly pray you find the recovery that is! But if it is, let's join together. For there are others still suffering, and whose suffering has yet to begin, that may need the 12 steps of PMO recovery that we can join together to offer.

 

Please, let's connect!! This may be the reason your HP allowed your suffering... to bring a message others will need!