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Virtual/ Online sexual relationships can be addictive & damaging

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by abcdofindia, Nov 11, 2018.

  1. I wish you all the best in your voyage to build your marriage
    I’m astonished and at the same time not astonished at all out how much I deceived myself into thinking I wasn’t causing that much damage
    I thought I understood addiction, until this cyber stuff really took hold
    It saddens me looking back at how much I felt super human, drowning in my own dopemine, all the while my marriage and my wife were suffering neglect
     
    eash860531 and Committed to One like this.
  2. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    Ditto.
     
  3. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    Actually, I want to say a bit more abut this - it's been haunting me since the post above.

    It saddens me how deluded I was whilst in those chatrooms, weaving webs of lies and deceit not only with my online partners but throughout the whole of my life. I thought I was free, I thought I was liberated, I thought I was better than others - none of which was true. I was bonded, bound, and addicted to escaping my life.

    And it saddens me how hard it is for me still to resist the temptation to live my life through escape. Not through chatrooms, particularly (though I do sometimes still long for these), but just through - whatever. I withdraw. I stay silent. I isolate. I brood. And on it goes...

    Recovery is a process, of course. It is a long and deep and demanding process. And I have come a long, long way. At the same time, the distance I've had to come and the distance still to go - sometimes these sadden me.
     
    RobbyGo36, Buzz Rees, a9cb and 4 others like this.
  4. privacyshorts

    privacyshorts New Fapstronaut

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    Forgive me, but what would a virtual encounter entail?
     
  5. eash860531

    eash860531 Fapstronaut

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    I echo what everyone else said.

    Cam chat sites became the final escalation in my SA. My wife found out 37 days ago and I had to explain to her what they were. She wants to know how I convinced myself that wasting hours on these sites were okay. I won’t ever have an answer besides SA is a disgustingly powerful thing. She has been truly unworthy and willing to learn and be compassionate.

    Congrats on 30+ days.

    As someone said, k9 is a great start. Disable your cam. Depending if you have a Mac or a pc you can disable it for good. But with k9, once you have everything set up you can change your password to a bunch of random letters you can’t remember and the if you get an urge - the pw prompt will come up and you couldn’t bypass it even if you wanted to. Like locking a door and throwing away the key.

    I still found ways around it tho until d-day and she found out 37 days ago.

    I realized the only way to get over this is to get professional help and talk to people you trust about it. This addiction thrives in secrecy and I have been a completely different person since it no longer was a secret.

    Deep down I wanted her to find out because I knew it would be the only way I’d stop going to these sites.

    Now I’ve left our marriage in shambles and it’s time to repair myself and become a true husband.

    Hope you keep staying strong.
     
  6. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

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    I have struggled with this just a little here and there. It honestly was just a weird way to keep from being lonely during some points where i felt isolated and sad. Some of it did get a little bit sexual but nothing crazy- I was just single at the time so it seemed fine but looking back on it, it wasn't that different from porn. Just 2 lonely strangers basically using eachother to get off without even being together.

    I'm thankful that it never really got too bad or too big of a habit but I can see it for what it is now. It was also a fair bit of personal oversharing between strangers other than the sexual stuff; the whole thing in hindsight seemed like a shitty, self medicating form of therapy for lonely people who could have really used something better.

    For whatever its worth, most of the women I interacted with in doing this were just like I was in that they seemed to be going thru some personal struggles that needed work. But truthfully everyone I got involved with was great looking and seemed to have a lot going for them and I'm sure they're doing better now. I'm sure you're no different, it's just an embarrasing phase that you'll get over in no time and move on to a great life from here on out.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    This is certainly one - very apt - way of putting what chatrooms felt like to me. Or at least felt like in retrospect. At the time, my addictive mind had a very different sense of those places... So thanks, this is well put.
     
  8. Kannan66

    Kannan66 Fapstronaut

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    Chatrooms are nightmares for both men and women.. Initially it ll be exciting and interesting, but as we move and meet new people who match with our characters, involuntarily our mind starts liking them and we keep go back to them which becomes an addiction

    Even i used to hv fake fb and twitter account to satisfy my sexual hunger. I used to see lots of college girls and housewives looking for fun in chats and cam.

    I would advise you to stay away from any form of social network. Use ur laptop and smartphone limitedly. Rather spend ur time with nature, friends and family.. Go for a 30 min walk in evening, play with children, hear music and watch motivational videos..

    Wish u good luck @abcdofindia
     
  9. Saulo Clark Manases

    Saulo Clark Manases Fapstronaut

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    Same to my experienced. I was hooked on dating sites and chat rooms to satisfy my sexual hunger but it will always result to a relapse. Because of that, I lost the respect to women and treating them as a sex objects. Now I'm trying to cold turkey on all social networking and chat room sites.
     
    RobbyGo36 and Deleted Account like this.
  10. Gentle man

    Gentle man Fapstronaut

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    I suffered from chat rooms too
    and ended in online cam2cam !

    it is so addicting god help us !!

    its been about 66 days since i stopped the most destructive chat and skype
     
  11. a9cb

    a9cb Fapstronaut

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    Online encounters were also a big vice for me. It’s reshfrshing to hear so many other people have experienced the same problems. Sometimes you feel like it’s all you and you feel so isolated.

    Congrats on the 27 days - keep it going!
     
  12. astroturf1259

    astroturf1259 Fapstronaut

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    I've struggled with this as well. For years I'd use online chat rooms and then try and get the person to text. Horrible habit.
     
    RobbyGo36 and a9cb like this.
  13. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    This points to one aspect of the chatroom experience that was particularly toxic for me: The endless attempts to get the other person to come further into this addiction with me. If one were to replace the word 'get' to 'manipulate' in the previous sentence, well that would be true as well. Horrible is right...
     
    eash860531 and a9cb like this.

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