Explosiveness

Well, since I've blasted through my depressive swings the last few days, I started to take up strength training in my exercise routines now. I've been going absolutely stir crazy because of the storms that have been keeping me inside this week. But I've been using that frustration to really push myself. However, I couldn't sleep for the life of me last night because of this new found energy. I was thinking about how things could have been different with my ex had I just showed my flaws, and how I could have ended up becoming intimate with her. What it boils down to is, I M'd a little bit that night (didn't use my hands at all) to fantasies, but fought the urge really really hard. I woke myself up when I found myself still fantasizing, and I did a few Sudoku to calm myself down. I was able to doze off afterwards. Then the morning came, I was about half asleep, conscious but not really. I wasn't really sure if I had morning wood or not when it happened, but I just felt an O coming, but it wasn't due to M. In my stupor, I felt the O, but I wasn't sure if I should count it as a relapse though. I resisted the urge to M to an O during the night, but the O came in the morning, which was really strange. I feel like I just didn't do enough to really cause this, and I feel like I could have prevented it somehow, or that maybe I did. Should I count this as a relapse?

 

Alright, understood guys.

RecoveringFapster : I see. It was really weird because I wasn't fully asleep, but I wasn't fully awake either. I was conscious enough to feel it happening though, and I just thought I could've held it back somehow. This cabin fever has been really making it difficult to remain focused, especially with this sudden spike of energy I've been feeling lately. I really want these snow storms to stop so that I can start to get out of the house and get myself out in the world.

Diesel74 : Thanks for the support! I really appreciate it. If you need someone to talk to in a time of need, send me a message and I'll be more than willing to oblige.