Paraphilia and masturbation

Help!
I have been struggling with compulsive masturbation for over 3 decades. Not only that, I somehow developed a fetish that dates back to even before I started masturbating. Even as a child, I had the urges to act out with the object of my desire. I preferred to live in the fantasies inside of my head instead of having healthy sexual relationships. You can imagine what a toll it took on them. The sad thing was that I denied nearly all of my partners sexual intercourse, because I was so afraid that I was a freak and that they would laugh at me. My relationships began and ended, but my compulsive behavior continued on strong as ever. This also had an effect on my occupational standing. I was constantly late for school or work because I was masturbating. Sadly, my family knew I had a problem, but did nothing to help. They just teased and ridiculed me for doing it. I was teased at school too. I felt so alone, yet found pleasure in acting out. I thought, "oh, it's just a little problem I have. I'll deal with it later." Here we are 30+ years later, another failed relationship and I'm struggling to quit my compulsive behavior. I have too much free time in my life, yet I'm stricken with anxiety that doesn't want to let me leave the house. I'm pretty sure this stems from childhood. I've tried to stop acting out many times, but really didn't feel I had a reason to. Now seeing the damage it has done to someone else and to myself ultimately, I feel I do have a reason to stop. I feel like I'm trapped in a box and I can't find my way out. Thank you.

 

Yes, it's fetishism though. I can say that much.