Just relapsed! My thoughts on my 47 day journey!

BANG! There goes the bell in my brain that tells me I just relapsed! How the hell did I reach this point of desperation for an orgasm that a guy like me who likes to call himself as the "GrandMaster" of every challenge he takes up lost to NOFAP!!! Harsh words for me but I realize now that relapse is just part of the process! By this I do not mean that I will relapse again because I won't. I must mention right now that my relapse did not involve porn, i.e I just MO'ed but did not watch porn and I don't need porn anymore and I hate it the most!
So, the relapse which I am certain of is my habit of "letting it slip" or in other words "not able to commit". I let me mind slip in between my journey. I remember around 32 - 40th day of my journey I grew curious about what sex really is (hehe). Thinking that it would make me more stronger and help me develop on the idea of sex but I was wrong. I played myself into another form of P. Meaning that I was secretly fulfilling my desire to watch some P without watching it. After that it was really downhill roll as I started watching videos on YouTube about the same subject and last few days I was watching like 5-10 videos on sex daily (videos without actual sexual content). And that did make me think more about sex and all that kinda stuff.
I have a crush. She is not in my class but I catch a glimpse of her every sunday. I decided about 2 weeks ago that I would stop thinking about her because its seriously distracting and I need to focus on studying all day long. Thinking about her I suppose was very bullshit thing to do as I knew it would be destructive but I still couldn't stop myself or instead of 'couldn't' you can even say I didn't. It was one of the factors responsible for my relapse.
Why I post this in the self-improvement section is because I have realized the difference between thoughts and emotions and even more I realize that in order be man I want to see myself my emotions must be in the right direction or else its like hitting a target without an arrow!
I still regret relapsing but I know this has helped me for greater good.
Thank you for reading.

 

Thanks for that lucca!