I hope it's HOCD, I'm horrible affraid that I can be gay

Hello!
My short story:
- sexually molested in the age of 7 ( dont remember ) when my cousin watched erotic film with Pamela then did m. for him and then he m. me. I forgot about it for years
- 7-14 years doing m. to a pictures, soft erotica, magazines
15-30 years - going for porn, only straight porn with beauty females, group sex etc.
Now I'm free of porn for 2 years! For last 2 years I doimg m. maybe 3-4 times ( streaks maybe 2-8 months )
I was always heterosexual, I felt in love lots of times in primary school with my female friends, I chat with girls, when I was 14 I fall in serious love with beautyfull women but I was too shy, never told her about that and she went with my friend. I was depressed, cant imagine that she rejected me. I was doing PMO for 15 years.
Going to the goal:
Last sunday I watched "Bohemian Rhapsody" about a life of Freedie Mercury and his story was very similar for mine ( conflict with his father, he also dont accepted himself as he is ). My father is alcoholic, my mother co-alcoholic and They never told me that they love me or didnt interested my person. When Freddie going for homo sex with men I was in shock. In my mind appeared terryfing thoughs "he had similar life maybe I'm also gay". That horrible stupid thought is in my mind for last 3-4 days, when I'm alone, bored, angry, hungry etc.
On normal life when I'm with people, going for a city - men didnt desire me, I was talking in sauna with two men, we were naked and it was normal, no sexual thoughts, no desire, didnt attract me. When i see beatyfull women on the street and I look in her eyes my pants are getting tight. Its difficult because when I PMOed 3years ago I had a women and when I met her I fall in love, he desire me when she was in tight pants then when I had her in bed naked - I didnt get aroused to her body and dont want sex, I prefered my fantasies. Then I broke with her she didnt interested me anymore.
So final question! Is it HOCD and my mind playing tricks for me to back again for porn or what? Please help me!

 

I think I'm in flatline now , low libido, I cant get aroused for real people, but somedays I'm aroused only by looking in womens eyes especially when she is beauty. Maybe its a healing process. For now I'm sure that I must avoid porno ( last time 2 years ago ), reading sexual stories ( I wrote a romantic novel last tuesday and I was very horny but without MO. ) and avoid sexual fantasies! ( last night I had a sex dream, it was sex with a women ), I'm also free of masturbation ( 5 months ).
For me the main problem is that I cant create interpersonal bond with people, PMO made me isolated to the people, and I confused real love with lust, my last relationship was 2,5 years ago when I was active addict to PMO and I think that cause my PIED and cant make real sex.