I can't stop relapsing after beating my first 90 day challenge

Hello everyone!

I have been going through a really problematic part of my life. It's been 4 years since I started PMOing. The first 2 were the ones where I had dived deep into this addiction. I couldn't stand a day without this "drug". With it came shame and desperation. Then, after these 2 years, I came across NoFap.

From that moment, my perspective changed. I finally had a goal, and it was to stop this madness once and for all.

From that moment I started going from 1 day to 2, 3, 4 and eventually a month. Took me a while but I got there. But I still wasn't satisfied. I needed more. I wanted to abstain from PMO forever.

I decided to go on a 90 day challenge. After tons of trial and error situations, I finally reached 90 days. In fact I got even beyond that (110 days). Everything was awesome and I even had my first crush on someone, something that I had never gone through.

What came after that 110th day was a disaster though...

Since that moment and I don't know why, everything went downhill again.

It's been months since that attempt and most of my reboot attempts nowadays only reach 7-14 days. I can't get through.

I journal, meditate, read the Bible, exercise but in the end I always come back and relapse.

Here's the problem: I used everything I could to save me, but I'm constantly relapsing nowadays. My motivation is at it's lowest.

Any tips? What can I do? I don't want to keep failing any longer. I feel shame and dark thoughts are always on my mind. Life has lost it's colors and my achievements in life are always obscured by this darker me.

Please help... There must be a way. Maybe something I can fix. Please, share what works with you and how do you deal with the urges. If you made it through the challenge, share a brief description of how.

I'm accepting almost anything to win this years long fight against this addiction, this... Monster inside me.

I need to get through this "I can't stop relapsing phase".

P. S.: I tend to PMO when I'm alone at home or trying to sleep (however, in this case, it's only MO). The problem is that there's little I can do to fight loneliness when I'm home.

 

I'm still not a member. I'm new here, still learning how to use the tool. But I'll definitely check it out.

I already tried the NoFap Emergency button and it definitely saved me dozens of times, but I still end up failing. The Bible actually helped me win with relapses when I was going to shower. I would read it before and the urges disappeared. The problem is that I fail when I'm alone. I start fantasizing and kinda feel controlled by something. It's like I'm not in charge when the urge hits hard enough.

Hey, but now that I think about it... Could it be that I'm being to passive on my mood swings. When the urge comes I tend to not give it attention in an attempt to forget it. Should I intently focus on it?

What I haven't tried yet is an accountability partner. I guess I'll do that. Do you recommend doing it with people I know in real life? I know some people that suffer from this as well.

But I just wanted to point out that my best helper on this journey is the Bible. It definitely got me out of the danger zone lots of times.

About a plan of defense against relapse, I really need one actually. I just do random things in an attempt to kill the urges and end up failing. It's one of those situations where you really need to tame your brain, doesn't it?

 

Thank you so much for trying to help me.

Sure thing about being alone. My mind just feels like it's out of control and then I end up in failure. There's something I have to do about it.

 

No, I don't. Seems like a good idea, I'll definitely look for them.

Ok, then looks like I'm in the "right" path. I'll try to get something even more engaging than what I was doing in the past to do when the urge comes, such as programming, which must use almost all my attention to get something done.

I'll also look for the group you mentioned.

Thanks for the tips! I want to kick this bad habit for good! I have a feeling that being active here on the forum is also actually a good way to control urges.

 

Just wanted to fix a typo here: it's actually 101 days, not 110.

 

Hey @Romans 6 23, you're part of the Christian Fapstronauts group, right?

Are you in their community challenge? The one that's being done on Telegram. I'm thinking about doing it as well. That way I will have stay accountable to a lot of people.

What do you think about it?