Where are the good women at?

Oops, didn't see his age! Yeah, at 20-ish there should still be some good ones left!

 

Yeezus!
There are good ones at every age!
What is the age thing I'm missing?

According to some men in this thread, I am nothing more than discarded damaged goods that has met her expiration date. It doesn't matter that I'm a good girl that got taken advantage of & happen to be out of my 20's. Because I've passed into the 3-0's, I'm suddenly not good anymore?

 

That was kinda funny

 

There are good ones at every age, but they become rarer, because they get into committed relationships. Guys tend to be wary of a single or divorced 30+ woman: why isn't she already taken, or why did her relationship(s) end? Yes, it's misogynistic that men are effectively assuming the relationships failed because of the woman, forgetting about all the men with serious issues. However, many of the 30+ single or divorced women have serious issues.

 

Just giving another possibility.
One of the stories I recently read was how a girl was still into her 30s and hasn't found a partner. She was introduced to many, but despite even the other person having some interest in her, it never worked out. And this was all due to her self image. She never felt that she was worthy of the other person. It's going to be hard for her, but she'll need to find a way to improve self esteem.

But you know what? This is just like many of us here. And if these bad girls happen to gain some perspective and realise what they did were bad, and from there they work on themselves, I think they'll end up good and liked by many. A good person from the heart at this moment of time is still good no matter how bad their past may be.

 

Or, why did she have to end her relationship.

So demeaning & untrue.
The issues reside in those that 'think' a certain group of people have issues.

I sure the fuck didn't ask to be deceived my entire marriage. I wasn't given a choice to marry an addict because I had no clue such addiction even existed.

Because I was unfortunately involved with someone who did some really shitty things & continued doing shitty things, I suddenly have issues?
Should I get a shirt made to ward off potential investors? Let them know up front I'm divorcing, over 29, & am female therefore not only am I not "good", I also have issues?
WuT.

 

Oh, didn't know you were a Brit.

Hmm... Maybe you can look at one of the local Qidditch matches?

My point is to go for events where you find women that will have the attributes you favor. You have to sort of get into the head of the type of woman you want, and then anticipate her likes and hobbies, and then play interception where you think she might show.

Take all that and translate it into British.

 

Being deceived by a partner is a different case, no? I think the original point was that a woman who was unmarried by about 30 will probably have issues which make marriage a complicated endeavor, to say the least. There are examples of females in my own life that fit this statement. I don't think anyone was using a broad brush to paint with here, so to speak.

 

This is getting out of hand. I also said a lot of men have serious issues, so I'm not being unfair. I also admitted how men can be misogynistic is their assumptions, so you can take your "demeaning and untrue" and shove it.

 

I never said YOU have issues, just that many do.

 

I was replying to what I quoted of his. Nothing more & nothing less.

 

Really tho, I have empathy for people's situations, but I'm of the opinion that age does matter.

Redflags:
1. Children (I will always be of secondary importance. Also #2)
2. The babydaddy (he'll be around for the kids, and nobody ever quite gets over him.)
3. Multiple abusive relationships
4. Age, I'm not immune, women will absolutely want to know why I'm 32 and have had no LTR.
5. Any sort of substance abuse problems other than minor soft drug use.
6. Bizzarely high partner count. I can see 5-10, 20 is extremely high.

 

For reals tho, you could just fly overseas, to an ex Soviet state, and get married.

 

I see what you're saying, but I also somewhat agree with Jason's original post. I'm not going to lie, if I met a man who was older and not married, I would want to know why. That doesnt mean they're "damaged goods" or "not good enough." It just means that I would wmst to know why. And they might have a lot of baggage or complications that I may or may not want to deal with. Obviously not everyone who is still single or divorced in their 30s is a bad person or not worth loving, but they might have a lot more to deal with than someone in their early 20s who hasn't been married yet.

Especially if we are talking about someone who has never been married marrying someone who is divorced. That's a big deal to a lot of people. Personally, I would not have wanted to marry someone who has been divorced when I first got married, because I wanted to do all of those first marriage things together with my spouse. I also greatly preferred that my husband be a virgin. I date a couple guys before him who weren't, and I wouldn't have not married them just because of that, but I'm not going to lie, it made me sad to think that we wouldnt get to experience that together for the first time.

There are plenty of reasons why people could be wary of starting a relationship with someone who is older and still not married, or divorced, or even widowed. Obviously being widowed is nobody's fault, but it would be hard to be single going into your first marriage with someone who has already been married and either divorced or lost their spouse in death. That's a lot, and not everybody wants that. It doesnt mesn theres anything wrong with the person, but maybe they should find someone with similar life experience who can understand them better.

Also, a "red flag" doesnt mean stay away or no way in hell. When people say that, they usually mean to proceed with caution. Which I think is warranted in the case of getting to know an older person who is still single or divorced. It doesnt mean all of them are bad, but it means that there are questions you need to have answered before you can determine that. Like, namely, why their marriage ended.

 

No... he never said that. He said a lot of divorced women in their 30s have issues, not you specifically. Stop taking everything so personally. I'm sure if someone met you and thought it was a red flag that you are divorced, they would ask why your marriage ended, you would tell them, and then there would be no more red flag, because it would be obvious that it was not your fault. Simple as that. Nobody is saying that you, personally, are damaged goods and have issues just because you're divorced.

 

These are exactly the same question....

Asking why someone's relationship ended does not imply that you think it was their fault. Just that it ended and you're curious why. Neither of these questions make any kind of offensive assumptions or implications. They are literally exactly the same.

In fact, I think the latter sounds a bit more presuming, because how do you know shes the one who ended the relationship? Maybe her husband left her for another woman. Saying "why did your last relationship end" is a perfectly fine, respectful way to phrase that question.

 

To get back on topic, another tip I would give is to put yourself out there a LOT, even when it's super uncomfortable.

Idk what exactly your personality type is like, but I, myself, and extremely introverted. I absolutely hate going to parties and events where I wont know anybody, but when I was single and looking for a partner and also just some good Christian friends, that's exactly what I did. My church had these BBQ get togethers once a month in summer for young adults, and I literally dragged myself to them. I did not want to go at ALL, and I kept itching for my phone to invite my best friend to come with me, but I knew if she was there I would just hang out in a corner somewhere with her and never meet anyone. So I forced myself to go alone, and it was honestly one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever done. And I did it many times that summer.

But hey, it paid off well, because that's where I met my husband and a lot of really good friends. But it was not easy at all. It's like if you really want a job, you can casually put in a few online applications, but you're much more likely to find something if you get dressed up nice, go into locations in person and introduce yourself to a manager. It's harder and uncomfortable for a lot of people, but you'll likely get where you want to be a lot faster if you get out of your comfort zone.

Also, hey, just a reminder, since you are also a Christian, dont forget about the power of prayer! Maybe God has something else for you, or maybe you need to grow in some area before He wants you to be with someone. Or maybe the person He has for you isnt ready for a relationship yet. My husband had to wait til he was almost 28 to meet me, because if he had met me when he was 20, I would have been 13. Lol so you never know what God has up his sleeve. He has dreams for you, and they're so much better than the dreams you have for yourself. Ask Him about them.

 

Good advice