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Fuck this shit, I'm out.

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Dec 21, 2018.

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  1. I would really love to talk to you about that situation, but I'm not sure how to go about doing that. I understand you are busy, and I wouldnt have expected you to get involved in such a minor thing like a warning for "misogynistic language," but the other issue was not minor in the slightest, and I honestly felt like nobody seemed to even care or want to hear anything I had to say. If I'm incorrect I. that, then I would like the opportunity to explain what happened. I think one of the main issues is a lack of communication. Problems arise and we users often dont ever hear anything else about them... like I said earlier, when I quoted several long messages with valid concerns that I sent to a moderator, and he never said a single word back to me. I dont know how I'm supposed to feel any way other than ignored and dismissed when that happens. If the mods are taking a situation seriously and having a conversation about it, I dont understand why they dont just say that.

    If I'm wrong about my previous concerns being dismissed and ignored and if the mod in question did actually get in trouble for his behavior, then perhaps my frustration isnt warranted. But from my perspective, I was just completely ignored. I'm not a mind reader, so if I send a message of valid concern to a mod, after we had previously been talking back and forth a couple times, and then he never responds, I'm going to assume they dont care and arent doing anything about it. Because if they do care and are doing something about it, why wouldnt they say that?

    Anyway, if the original issue is addressed appropriately instead of being ignored and swept under the rug, then I will consider sticking around. I do appreciate being listened to, finally, and seeing that at least some of these issues arent just being ignored. Because up until now, that isnt how it has felt at all, to me.
     
  2. @Castielle , seems like dfferent opinions converging. Over a single word? 'Slut'? And then no validation for an action? Well, i do understand that mods are busy as the team is small, but personal opinion should not be applied in decision-making relating to others on an addiction forum.

    Standardised rules should be applied to as what we should and should not do.

    And this is just my opinion...
     
  3. And I want to be very clear that I am NOT asking for any kind of special treatment, nor am I asking to be able to get away with breaking rules. All I'm asking for -- for all users here, not just myself -- is that moderation decisions maybe be handled with a bit more respect. Not every mod has handled things poorly, but I have certainly had many instances in which merely asking for clarification on something has led to hostility and being treated as if I'm trying to weasel my way out of punishment or something. I've also been told, flat out, "we do not discuss specifics," when asking for more clarification of how what I said broke the rule they cited, because I was genuinely confused. I dont understand why that would be the case that you cant discuss specifics and provide clarification.

    All I want is to be respected and to be able to question a decision without being treated like a weasel or something. I can understand rolling your eyes at someone who starts yelling and swearing after being told they're in trouble, but calmly and rationally presenting an argument for why you dont agree with a moderation decision should be handled with respect. And to be fair, in this particular situation, the moderation decision was overturned and was handled with a good amount of respect. But I cant help but feel that it shouldnt take making a long ranting thread threatening to leave the site in order to be taken seriously.

    At the end of the day, all I really care about anymore is making sure the situation I had to deal with a few months ago with a mod being rude to me and deleting my thread without provocation and refusing to tell me how to make an appeal is addressed seriously and not ignored.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 22, 2018
  4. Well said...
     
  5. To be fair, that's pretty much impossible to avoid. Honestly, that's the main reason I didnt want to be a moderator anymore when I was on the team in the past, because I'm not comfortable with how often you have to use your own judgement and moderators all having different standards and opinions on what is too far or not. But that cant really be completely avoided unless you just allow everything, because if you try to monitor something subjective, everyone is going to have a different perspective. Misogynism is not cut and dry, so what is misogynistic to one person might not be misogynistic to another. So I get that. But again, honestly this was just the last straw, and there are much more pressing matters that have driven me to this point of frustration.
     
  6. Well, I've been told off for being called misogynist and I don't think anyone who's read my posts would think I'm a misogynist. I don't know if I would use the word s**t on here though.

    WTF? Rightly so! Everyone who uses that word should have a message from a mod! I don't care if it's popular! Porn is popular does that mean we should post links to porn here? My God! Don't say you're from the UK and it's acceptable over there, I'm from the UK and that word isn't acceptable! If you were to call my girlfriend a c**t I would at the very least have some strong words to say to you. I mean why the hell would you say it on a porn recovery site? You must know that word is used in porn to degrade women! My God! That word is heinous and causes great distress to some of the women on this site! WTF!!!
     
  7. Geez, man, calm down. While I never have and likely never will call a woman a cunt as well as see where you're coming from if anybody were to call your girl a cunt, you're overreacting quite a bit.
     
  8. @Castielle, I just reviewed the incident you mentioned and I can say truthfully that your concerns were not ignored, I agree that the moderator did not handle the situation in the best way. The matter was addressed according to our internal protocols. After that I left the matter lie. I'm not sure why, I was probably busy at the time, but I apologize for not letting you know that your concerns were addressed.
     
    spaces, MJ93, Deleted Account and 5 others like this.
  9. I was a lot worse when I first read it, I was a calm as I could be when I posted. I can't believe @Jackb97 attitude! He wants a good girl but has no problem calling women c**ts. No good woman will want to be around a man who calls them a c**t! I mean WTF?
     
    u376 likes this.
  10. So I'm assuming the person in question was told that they arent allowed to delete people's threads for no reason? Because that's clearly an abuse of power. Personally I think if anyone uses the tools they are allowed to use as a moderator for some kind of vengence or personal reasons that have nothing to do with rule breaking, then they shouldnt be allowed to have that authority anymore. But maybe that's just me. I just think if you abuse your power and start deleting stuff or censoring things you just dont like, then why should you be allowed to have the power to do that? Authority comes with a certain level of responsibility, and if you arent going to use your authority responsibly, then you dont deserve to have that authority anymore. That seems like common sense to me.

    Thank you for the response, though. I'm glad to know it wasnt ignored, but its kind of hard to feel comfortable with the situation when I dont know what exactly it was that was said was wrong and shouldnt happen again.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 22, 2018
  11. Honestly, I'm a woman, and I would day it depends on culture and context... myself, personally, no, I would never tolerate being called that, or even having my husband use that word in general. But it is a fairly common word in British culture, from what I've heard, so it might be different there or with different people.

    I also think it's wrong to say he "has no problem calling women c**ts." I feel like the phrasing of that implies that he just goes around saying all women are c**ts or something. That's very different than using the word when its accurate. Sorry, but some women are terrible, and in that case, whether you call them a jerk or a b**ch or a c**t or an asshole is really just a matter of how comfortable you are with swearing. It doesnt mean you hate women or are disrespectful to women just because you recognize that one women is acting like a terrible person and you choose to use a strong word to describe her.
     
    Christian Fox likes this.
  12. I'm glad this stuff is being talked about and people seem to have some interest in making things better, but if I'm being totally honest, I dont think I would feel justified unless the mod who abused his power was dismissed from his position, or at the very least, was on very thin ice. Because I dont see how that can be considered a good way to run things when someone in authority has so much power and clearly isnt concerned about abusing it and using it for his own selfish reasons. That's just not right, and I dont really understand how that can be tolerable in a position like that. It's not like he should be kicked off the site or something, but why should he be held to a level of authority and power if he cant adhere to the rules and responsiblity of that authority? When I was a mod, I took that crap seriously. I didnt use my power to enact revenge, even when people I greatly disliked had reports against them I would generally try to let know other mods handle that, so theres no conflict of interest. And if I didnt do that and I instead used my power to delete someones thread when they didnt bresk any rules, I would fully expect to be kicked off the team, rightfully so.

    So yeah, I dont think I can stick around, regardless of what happens, as long as that mod is still on the team. No hate, I'm glad this site exists and it has been really helpful for me in the past, but i just dont think i can be here anymore.
     
    MLMVSS likes this.
  13. I'm with you. But mods do what they want. If it doesn't align w their ideologies or hurts their feelings then they delete it. Is it wrong? Yes. But it's just kinda the way it is, which is why I suppose you're talking of leaving.

    I have a question, where was this site created? I understand it's online, I'm not a moron. But where are the creator(s) from? I would ask directly but I'm in a minority on this site on the downlow and they don't answer me lol
     
  14. I think Alex is from PA
     
  15. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    Literally never called a woman a cunt. Are you special?
     
  16. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    Boy I hope you are trolling. bothered that much about a word. And yes where I'm from it is acceptable.
     
  17. Dear Castille,

    Your mysoginy will not be missed. It's obvious that you hate women and you love offending people. When I read your post I almost had a panic attack. Nofap is here to promote sexual health not critical thinking. The fact that you went against feminism and had the nerve to use the s word while doing it is reprehensable. I'm glad the moderators stood up to your hate speech. lol.

    I got one of my comments edited too. It's sad the moderators get all worked up over nonsense because there are alot of interesting people with varying viewpoints here. You should stay and ignore them as they usually don't bother us too much. If you do leave it was good talking to you. Stay strong, keep speaking the truth and God bless.
     
  18. MJ Warrior 93

    MJ Warrior 93 Fapstronaut

    I'm really sorry about what has happened to you around here. I understand you tried to say what's right.

    I wish you the best if you leave. Don't give up. We believe in you.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  19. I can understand your frustration. I also had a post removed in which I was venting about a situation in my personal life. I never attacked anyone on the forum, it was so ridiculous. Anyway, I'm sorry to see you go :( I hope you maintain your recovery from porn outside of the Forum
     
  20. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    I dont have much in common with you, and we had some awkward run ins, but i like this place more with you around. You put effort in expressing your opinion, and you try to be open, honest and respectful.

    Personally, i wouldnt bother much about what somebody deserve from mods or what is fair. Especially with things relating to free speech. If there is shit in the water, swim around it and carry on. As far as i see it, this site is a gift that not alot of people appreciate, especially from outside. It doesnt have much support or resources. But thats just my opinion.
     
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