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Help me curb romantic thoughts and morning boners

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by darylpoynter, Dec 23, 2018.

  1. darylpoynter

    darylpoynter Fapstronaut

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    Its been about five and a half years since I last remember having control of my life. To speak about my rotten heck of a life now, I have porn-induced ADD, severe memory loss, chronic depression and poor self esteem. I have tried and experimented countless times in the past to quit my addiction to masturbation and never made it past five days. I have decided to try again today. As I look back at all my previous attempts to get clean, I still have the same stumbling blocks that I remember having the first time I tried to stop this. I still have got no clue as to how I would tackle them tomorrow. If you could relate to what I feel, please provide help. Some of my stumbling blocks include:

    1. Pseudo-romantic feelings: I have this every night when I lie on my bed to go to sleep. Although it is usually an extension of a fantasy I have on some girl I had come across, it begins with a very pure feeling that softly mixes with the softness and warmth of the bed to form a subtle form of lust. With that same warmth and comfort I drift to sleep.

    2. Weird wet dreams and boners: I wake up almost every day of abstinence with a hard boner. No sexual thoughts on that fresh morning, but still a weird, disgusting, stiff boner. This weird boner succeeds almost every time in making me stumble. It is like the boner reminds me that I had abstained yesterday and is pushing me to relax today. It is weird, yet very strong.

    I have sub-consciously been doing these two for quite a long time now, that it has become impossible to go to sleep without having a romantic feeling, or waking up without a boner. I have tried to put myself to sleep after having a short meditation session, or sometimes listening to music. The music helped better, but there is no stopping that morning boner. And sometimes the boner still comes up even when I did not fantasize anything the previous night.

    I am pretty sure, that I would never go beyond a couple of days without knowing how to stop both of these. Please help.​
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. AEC Josh2415

    AEC Josh2415 Fapstronaut

    Romantic thoughts are good when they are directed toward someone real, and someone with whom you would like to develop a deep and meaningful relationship. It doesn't sound like this is really the case with your episodes, so I think you're right to say that this is a form of lust and should be avoided.

    Involuntary morning erections, on the other hand, are completely normal among physically healthy adult men. Don't worry about them. Just let them subside and go on about your day.
     
  3. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    I also have that, every day. I don't recall noticing it stopping even when I was still PMOing. Some people like it, I personally hate it, like you, but I understand it's a completely natural phenomenon. Just ignore it and get ready for your day.
    As for wet dreams, again - I got dozens of these (not kidding) during the last 3 months, hated every single one, but during the last two months or so, whenever I got one, instead of just feeling depressed, I used it to push me to crack down on controlling my thoughts. I suggest you do that as well, because wet dreams sometimes come from uncontrolled thoughts.
     
    Christian Fox likes this.
  4. The sun is the limit

    The sun is the limit Fapstronaut

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    A healthy man has multiple erections during the night I read. A morning boner is a sign of health. Don´t worry about that
     
    Christian Fox likes this.
  5. darylpoynter

    darylpoynter Fapstronaut

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    Firstly thanks for replying!
    Yes, I hear that it is normal, but I am scared that I will not be able to take my mind off it when it does come. I need to stay strong.
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2018
    AEC Josh2415 likes this.
  6. darylpoynter

    darylpoynter Fapstronaut

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    Can you suggest any practical strategies you would follow when you get these unwelcome boners?
     
  7. I am sure there are some guys on here that would be grateful for a boner!!! They are natural. I have reached 113 days and I have to tell you that I had PIED and PE. I am now hard all night long and when I wake up. I know that I can't go there with M so for me, I get up and jump in the shower. I am out of bed before my wife so taking care of it in bed isn't even an option. I don't have to do cold showers -- just getting up and getting going does it for me. I have locked down all of my devices so I can't look at porn. Even after 113 days, the urges to M are getting more intense. But with God's help and my brothers, I want to be strong. Feel free to PM if you have questions.
     
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  8. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    Best advice is to ignore them. Try wearing long shirts, perhaps with a long jacket over that, to cover.
    Ways to, at least temporarily, get rid of it:
    • Holding your breath for 20-30 seconds
    • Standing still for 1-2 minutes, legs straight and connected.
    • Thinking about other things.
     
    darylpoynter likes this.
  9. I agree @Mindjock ... I can't let my mind dwell on the fantasy. Merry Christmas.
     
  10. Fabian7

    Fabian7 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man I can relate. Those romantic lustful fantasies when your trying to go to bed and even when you wake up are hard to kick.. For me I work a hard labouring job so I usally fall asleep within a minute or two but I’m on holidays rn and it takes a bit longer to go to sleep. Start working out and stay busy. Do things that will make you exhausted. Go for a massive hike or walk. Go work outside in your back and front yard.
     
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  11. darylpoynter

    darylpoynter Fapstronaut

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    I've tried replacing it with music (that doesn't involve any sort of romance) to lull myself into sleep, or sometimes even reading a book until my eyes begin to close on their own. Both have helped for me. I think a strict to follow would be to lie down only when feeling absolutely tired and sleepy.
     
  12. darylpoynter

    darylpoynter Fapstronaut

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    Yeah. I have started working out already, and like you said, it could be my sedentary job that is contributing too. I need to keep myself more active.
     

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