Findom?! This fucked up fetish is gonna ruin me

You CAN stop. Your addicted brain wants you to think you can’t. For the sake of your family, stop all of it right now. You have no other choice. This stuff is poison.

 

Your mind is confused for the fact you know you must stop something that gave you momentary pleasure. Focus on the great things you have accomplished until now, they will give you more joy than any kind of porn or escort.

 

Meditate, exercise, nofap and any other wholesome use of your time. Just stay away from findom, the longer you stay away from it the more you will realise how pointless it is.

The addiction/mistress/trigger or whatever wants you to think you are under its control, you like the feeling of being under control. The truth is that you chose to let things outside you to control you and you can choose for them to stop and regain control.

 

I think you got demons thats need to get exorcised out of you, please go confess in the church in one of those private rooms or by yourself to god and get cleaned up spiritually, holy water, texts, god, and/or buddhism, its not just physical and mental, your in deep but you can get out.

 

Brutally, think of a girlfriend and your baby. Is it possible that you will lose them when you still see those ladies? I believe you know the answer. Now think of it like a nightmare, but from that perspective you are now awake, there are no monsters, nothing happens.

As a father I can tell you, that it is so wonderful to have a baby. Your GF needs you more than ever, especially after the birth. Prepare yourself for this time, when it comes you will have to be 120% man.

Stay strong and motivated. I keep my fingers crossed for you and the rewiring process.

 

What do you think of something like this:

Try to make a list of doable goals. Something you can accomplish within a day, a week, two weeks, etc. Some things that in your understanding will make the difference in your life.

I believe it is sometimes better to set the goals from the real life instead of making the nofap the ultimate goal.

When you think of a candies, and that you are not supposed to eat them and that they are not healthy, then eventually you will eat them.

When you focus on something different than the candies you will not think of them as frequently as before. And the paralysing feeling will slowly start to fade away.

Stay strong and motivated!

 

You need to seriously examine what is most important in your life (Girlfriend,
Home and Baby on the way) and if you are okay with losing ALL of those things, because by the sounds of it you ARE going to lose all of that if you continue with this. Sorry if that’s blunt but it’s the truth and you need to hear it.

 

This is my second time here too. After coming here 5 years ago, I got rid of my porn collection and cut down masturbation in a big way. After that I had a burning desire to live out the fantasies that I had been masturbating to. I picked up a few more kinks too, but I never went back to collecting porn or masturbating daily. Living out some of my fantasies was a stage I had to go through, and it is in a way more dangeroys than porn because I was acting out with real women, and being unfaithful in a more real way. I have found out through experience that there is no satisfaction to be foud in acting out fantasies either. Now I know.

 

I had to google what findom was. Would your wife leave you if you told her? Couldn't you give her the money and thusly fulfill your kink whitout anyone getting hurt? Or am I getting it all wrong?

 

I think you should keep a photo of your wife on you at all times and just look at that and realise how damn important it is, and the future of your child, a human being, who you will be able to proudly, shamelessly raise into a solid young person. Also your wife would like the gesture of you carrying around a photo of her I'm sure

And I agree with the one above me, if you can't cure the findom for now (im sure you can with time, introspection, and therapy, if possible) try to be honest and have a good conversation with your wife and see if she can fulfill that kink.

You've already taken the first steps and be proud, you're gonna get through this for sure.

 

Just read this post. Man findom drained me financially. If you need to talk about it, hit me up

 

Start research the benefits of semen retention. This gives me something to hold one too. As a result of semen retention I don't watch porn or masturbate.

By breaking this chain you also break the findom addiction as it is not something you want to see/do any more.

It wont be easy but you've got to start somewhere.

 

Hi,

It’s been a minute since I posted here, but I sometimes find it helpful to see others have struggled like me.

I’ve been dealing with findom addiction for many years. It’s a powerful and dangerous addiction, and in many ways unique. A skilled domme gets you addicted to destroying yourself. Pretty messed up!

Here are some things I’ve discovered along the way that have helped me, and may help you:

1. The truth is that a findom has no power over you that you don’t actually give her. This is role playing fantasy. A psychodrama. She intuits what she thinks you want , pretends to be that in order to take your money. You get addicted to the rush. In reality she’s a prostitute.

2. It’s a bottomless pit. You will never be satisfied by this or any addiction. You end up needing it more to get a rush that’s decreasingly satisfying. Your addiction will try to trick you in to believing this is ok. It will tell you that you can be moderate, or that this is the last time. It lies. Believe me.

3. There’s a reason you’re doing this. It’s meeting a need, besides the need to get off. Usually you’re avoiding something in your life: unpleasant feelings, dissatisfaction, etc. Go to a good therapist. I did. I used porn to deal with anxiety and depression. It really sucks for that because it only makes it worse. This is an enormous opportunity for growth and insight.

4. Practice mindfulness meditation. Every day. Even 10 minutes.

5. Excercise.

6. Most importantly, be passionately involved with something in your life. A goal. A real woman. Have goals you care about and a daily to do list. On really bad days I knock off a few things from my wife’s honey do list.

7. Give in to the process. The first month is going to suck, but it won’t kill you. Many people have overcome this. It’s vital that you know your triggers and formulate a plan on how to deal with cravings. For me, paying bills is a trigger. So I do this at a time and place that would make it difficult to relapse. On a park bench or in a coffee shop. When I have cravings I exercise or play the guitar. Or I ride out the craving with mindfulness. The only way to get rid of a habit, is to replace it with another one.

8. Be compassionate to yourself. If you stumble, simply get up and keep moving. Nothing perpetuates addiction like self-hatred. You will learn from this.

Good luck!

 

Agree with this 1000000%.