Anyone married?

I think lots of folks on here are married and have had varying degrees of success with nofap in a marriage. I think the most important thing you can do before anything else is talk to your wife about your struggle and be completely open and honest about it. Open a line of communication into this secret area of your life and allow your wife to know and speak into it. You will have to swallow your pride and own this. It will not be easy. Consider marriage counseling as well. I think you will find that she will support you in this. From there, I would personally recommend a 90 day hard reboot of no PMO and that includes NO sex with your wife. Sleep in a different bed if you have to, but it sounds like you need a complete reboot. Then you can start to rebuild intimacy with her. Good luck brother. One day at a time.

 

I agree with the above advice, except for cutting your wife out of intimacy with you. Maybe it is just me, and I was never a hardcore long time addict, so maybe that makes a difference, but training your brain to be turned on by your wife can only happen if you are with her. After my confession, which she pretty much figured out, we went 2 weeks without, mostly because of my post shame. She constantly reaffirmed her love for me and that she would always be there for me, which brought me closer to her than I already was. Going any length of time in a marriage without sex will cause distance, it is the glue that holds it together. If she desires you, she may become resentful if she has to wait 3 months to be with you. If you struggle to be able to perform, she will understand and help you and if not, you are showing her that you are trying and do long to be with her.
My ex wife of 20 years decided after 10, that she no longer needed sex, due to she knew she was past the point of getting pregnant again, we had no kids together. Hence, a sexless marriage is breeding ground for PMO.
Speaking as a husband, sex with your wife is very important. Talk to her and see what she thinks? If she is fine with the 90 days, then maybe it will help?

 

The only problem with continuing intimacy is that you aren't allowing your brain to rewire itself. Right now, the pleasure channels in your brain are wired to porn and will always know of that outlet existing. You have to remove that outlet entirely and deny yourself pleasure. Sex is not needed to have a healthy marriage/relationship. It's a gift that two lovers can share within the boundaries of a healthy marriage. Would you say that you have a healthy marriage? I would strongly urge you to talk to your wife about a 90 day hard mode reboot. A 3 month break could save your marriage for the rest of your lives and allow your future children to be born into a healthy environment. Just a thought my brother. In the end, it is your decision to make. I will pray for you.

 

I am still married to Jesus, hopefully forever. Amen!

 

Amazing advice; I was the wife who didn't want hard mode. I never understood & still don't, why someone in a marriage would do hard mode.
The goal of hard mode is to rewire your brain back to having 'normal' pathways leading to a 'normal' reward center giving you a 'normal' reward, right?
When you're married & are addicted, you're wife is hard mode. She is who all of the rewiring needs to be directed towards; she's the dopamine controller instead of porn.

This is a weird addiction. Alcoholics can cut their reward out & never have to deal with it again. You can't do that with a biologically built in reward.
I feel like that reward stimulator should be the wife.

 

I also don’t think I agree with hardmode inside a marriage. If your wife still desires you, and is willing to help you and work through your issues. Go with it! I don’t think you can have a very healthy marriage without sex. God made sex to be enjoyed, inside a marriage. Sex and intimacy is some of the only things that makes a marriage relationship different than any other relationship we have.

I can 100% say that cutting P out of my life not only made me desire my wife more sexually, but non sexually as well. I have not desired to even be around her or even just talk to her this much in so long. I even do desire her sexually more than I did before.

I am only currently doing hardmode because me and my wife are separated.

A lot of people will say having normal heathy sex inside of a relationship will help your brain rewire itself also.

 

Am married. Found this site this time last year.

‘Tis the season!

It’s been the best hard road I’ve walked
in decades.