Does sex always lead to a feeling of emptiness?

confused thinker · Dec 27, 2018

Warning : I want to discuss objectively the pros and cons of sex. It might trigger arousal in some people.
---------------

So, in my life, I've never had a long-term relationship with a girl.
I did have a few short-term relationships, for the purpose of sex only.
(Even that, was a long time ago.)

Reflecting back on the relationships I've had, I can't avoid thinking "what was the purpose of that"? When I recall them, there is a sense of emptiness and purposelessness. I didn't even especially like the personality of those girls.

Now, pardon my somewhat naive question, but can it be that it's always like that in sex?

I have an argument why it might be so :

Sex, after all is mostly about physical stuff. Though personality does play a certain role in attraction, one is mostly attracted to people of beautiful shape & color. There is nothing real of value in a specific attractive shape, or a specific attractive color, however.
So sex is not about something which has real value "when you think of it"...
It makes one feel good, but doesn't contribute to long-term well being, or to one's personality.
Thus, it is reasonable, that when engaging in it, one always feels empty afterwards on some level. And it seems that this feeling is founded upon the reality of the situation. Engaging in sex, one has invested a lot of energy in something that is completely useless long-term (unless one does it for the sake of procreation).

But, my personal experience of meaningless sex has a much stronger impact on me than intellectual arguments. And it was under very specific situations.
Thus, I am interested in other opinions.

RollerCoaster · Dec 27, 2018

Well this is because the society today does not look at sex in the way that nature wants you to:
Sex is originally for procreation (and also for showing love to people you love)

But many people today use sex for other things (f.e. To boost their ego or in masturbation cases sometimes even because they are just bored)

So if you go out and just do some ONS with people you don't love and will never see again, then you won't find enlightenment...

Deleted Account · Dec 27, 2018

DOES SEX LEAD TO EMPTINESS ? - It does when all use is your HAND AND LUBE

Porn Free Wanderer · Dec 30, 2018

The best times I've had with women have been with women who I didn't pursue for sex -- usually because we had better things to do anyway.

Sex is both over-rated and over-valued in our society.

I went through the same thing you did, but my journey involved a lot of wasted time and money only to come to the same conclusion.

You're far better off to find more important things to do with your time and let sex be what it really is - a way to pass the time in between chasing bigger goals.

Headspace · Dec 30, 2018

confused thinker said: ↑

Sex, after all is mostly about physical stuff. Though personality does play a certain role in attraction, one is mostly attracted to people of beautiful shape & color. There is nothing real of value in a specific attractive shape, or a specific attractive color, however.
So sex is not about something which has real value "when you think of it"...
It makes one feel good, but doesn't contribute to long-term well being, or to one's personality.
Thus, it is reasonable, that when engaging in it, one always feels empty afterwards on some level. And it seems that this feeling is founded upon the reality of the situation. Engaging in sex, one has invested a lot of energy in something that is completely useless long-term (unless one does it for the sake of procreation).
Click to expand...

I agree with that regarding short-term relationships. It is my experience as well.

But in a serious relationship it has more function than procreation. Sex is also a way of communicating with your partner. It can release tension between the two of you and kind of balance things out. Of course it can be used to distact yourself from other issues, too. You have to make careful distinctions there.

"Physical" doesn't equal "bad". Tasty food is something physical, too, and can contribute to your wellbeing.

In a relationship, I've never felt empty after sex (unless there was PIED, but that's a different story).

phwrancesco · Dec 30, 2018

i come from a 700 days streak and i can tell you that in this 20 month i spent without masturbating sex don't leave to emptiness at all.

If use your body properly and release your semen just with women sex becomes joyful and energizing.

confused thinker · Jan 1, 2019

Ok, thanks for your comments.

RollerCoaster said: ↑

Well this is because the society today does not look at sex in the way that nature wants you to:
Sex is originally for procreation (and also for showing love to people you love)
Click to expand...

Even if it were easy to deduce what is sex "intended for" by nature, it doesn't mean that we cannot change it for the better.

For example, is freedom\wealth "wanted\intended by nature"? I don't know. But it is good regardless of that. One can easily think of many such examples.

So my point is that one should argue whether casual sex is good\useful regardless of its "original intent" (which).is hard to deduce anyway.

As to the specific usages you have suggested : obviously, sex is useful for procreation...

I have some qualm with the idea that sex can be used for "showing love". First, sex is by no means necessary to show love. It's obvious - there are lots of people we love, without showing our love via sex.
Second, can you suggest a working definition of "love"? It is a vague term, which can mean lots of different things to different people.
Third, sex seems to me a very inefficient form of showing love. Had it been an efficient way of showing love, it couldn't degenerate so easily into sex just for mindless-pleasure.

Porn Free Wanderer said: ↑

The best times I've had with women have been with women who I didn't pursue for sex -- usually because we had better things to do anyway.

Sex is both over-rated and over-valued in our society.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the perspective.

Headspace said: ↑

But in a serious relationship it has more function than procreation. Sex is also a way of communicating with your partner. It can release tension between the two of you and kind of balance things out. Of course it can be used to distract yourself from other issues, too. You have to make careful distinctions there.
Click to expand...

I like the emphasis that one has to make careful distinctions, certainly, that's true.

As to being a form of communication, my problem with this idea is similar with it being "a form of showing love".

It might be, but I'd assert that it is a very inefficient form of showing love, and of communicating. From what I think of humanity, lots of people have sex, very little percentage are good in communication. It's hard for me to imagine a situation where showing love\communicating could not be achieved by other, more fruitful ways than those of sex.
I mean, communication and love should have something to do with the personality of the other person. Sex, imho, often has to do with the bodily features and various organs. Of course, sex also is a complex phenomenon involving personality and communication.

But it seems to me that what is the "defining characteristics" of sex is its physical element. If specific activities do not occur, then it's just not sex... What I'm trying to get at is that the good elements of sex come outside of it.

Having said that, in ordinary life, such an analysis into components is almost impossible to make.
So my final position is that theoretically, the elements which are "specifically sexual" in sex are completely negative. But since in ordinary life, sex involves the physical element (which is negative), and personality-communication which is positive, in real-life it's impossible to make those distinctions.

"Physical" doesn't equal "bad". Tasty food is something physical, too, and can contribute to your wellbeing.
Click to expand...

I am not sure about the definitions of the terms; I'd say that pleasure is short-term, while well-being is long-term.
I'd say that tasty food contributes to pleasure (and is soon forgotten) rather than to well-being.

If you disagree, I'd love to hear that.

Chris84usa · Jan 7, 2019

When we fap to porn our life force is literally wasted thus the feelings of emptiness and regret. When we have sex with a woman whom we love, the life force leaves our body and enters her body and is reciprocated with her affection and love for us, and this leads to us feeling fulfilled and further in love. However if we have sex with someone whom we do not love and who does not love us, the life force leaves our body and is not reciprocated thus the same feelings as if we used porn. Does this make sense? To me it makes sense to view the life force as something that brings life to the relationship and not something to waste on an image or a one night stand.

ReclaimedLife · Jan 20, 2019

confused thinker said: ↑

If you disagree, I'd love to hear that.
Click to expand...

I disagree.

Only been in one short term relationship. And the sex was fucking beautiful. And i had to work it around a light/medium form of PIED as well.
The connection to the girl decides on how your experience it.

IF you both have a good/strong connection, it will feel beautiful.

Sex is about relaxation, passion, romance and enjoying each others presence.
How you feel about each other will determine the quality and therefore your perception of sex.

Its our job to find the right person for us. Sometimes the prettiest girl is the worst choice.
Looks are important but character will make or break it for most people.
Certainly did for me.

Themeerkat · Jan 20, 2019

confused thinker said: ↑

Warning : I want to discuss objectively the pros and cons of sex. It might trigger arousal in some people.
---------------

So, in my life, I've never had a long-term relationship with a girl.
I did have a few short-term relationships, for the purpose of sex only.
(Even that, was a long time ago.)

Reflecting back on the relationships I've had, I can't avoid thinking "what was the purpose of that"? When I recall them, there is a sense of emptiness and purposelessness. I didn't even especially like the personality of those girls.

Now, pardon my somewhat naive question, but can it be that it's always like that in sex?

I have an argument why it might be so :

Sex, after all is mostly about physical stuff. Though personality does play a certain role in attraction, one is mostly attracted to people of beautiful shape & color. There is nothing real of value in a specific attractive shape, or a specific attractive color, however.
So sex is not about something which has real value "when you think of it"...
It makes one feel good, but doesn't contribute to long-term well being, or to one's personality.
Thus, it is reasonable, that when engaging in it, one always feels empty afterwards on some level. And it seems that this feeling is founded upon the reality of the situation. Engaging in sex, one has invested a lot of energy in something that is completely useless long-term (unless one does it for the sake of procreation).

But, my personal experience of meaningless sex has a much stronger impact on me than intellectual arguments. And it was under very specific situations.
Thus, I am interested in other opinions.
Click to expand...

Themeerkat · Jan 20, 2019

Sorry, I'm new to this website, and I came from reddit.

confused thinker said: ↑

Warning : I want to discuss objectively the pros and cons of sex. It might trigger arousal in some people.
---------------

So, in my life, I've never had a long-term relationship with a girl.
I did have a few short-term relationships, for the purpose of sex only.
(Even that, was a long time ago.)

Reflecting back on the relationships I've had, I can't avoid thinking "what was the purpose of that"? When I recall them, there is a sense of emptiness and purposelessness. I didn't even especially like the personality of those girls.

Now, pardon my somewhat naive question, but can it be that it's always like that in sex?

I have an argument why it might be so :

Sex, after all is mostly about physical stuff. Though personality does play a certain role in attraction, one is mostly attracted to people of beautiful shape & color. There is nothing real of value in a specific attractive shape, or a specific attractive color, however.
So sex is not about something which has real value "when you think of it"...
It makes one feel good, but doesn't contribute to long-term well being, or to one's personality.
Thus, it is reasonable, that when engaging in it, one always feels empty afterwards on some level. And it seems that this feeling is founded upon the reality of the situation. Engaging in sex, one has invested a lot of energy in something that is completely useless long-term (unless one does it for the sake of procreation).

But, my personal experience of meaningless sex has a much stronger impact on me than intellectual arguments. And it was under very specific situations.
Thus, I am interested in other opinions.
Click to expand...

I think it's because there is no cerebral aspect to it, and even if your goal is to reproduce, you don't fully know if you're gonna get a baby; a mindless act + no way to tell if you're gonna get results = no mental satisfaction.

Clemente123 · Jan 21, 2019

Stop seeing women as something to have sex with lol.
Sex will be better if it's between two humans and not between two sexual organs

ReclaimedLife · Jan 21, 2019

Clemente123 said: ↑

Stop seeing women as something to have sex with lol.
Sex will be better if it's between two humans and not between two sexual organs
Click to expand...

YEAH!
SEXUAL ORGANS ARE EVIL!!!

overclocked · Jan 27, 2019

We all know that our sex drives can play tricks on our minds. If you don't really want to be in a relationship or don't really like your partner, you can experience some kind of regret after climaxing, then your true desires come to surface.

I experienced those feelings of emptiness because I expected too much from sex. It is great but overrated by society. When the girl is right and has relationship potential, I don't have any bad feelings after having sex, quite the opposite

Deleted Account · Jan 28, 2019

No, absolutely not! With the right person, in a loving marriage, sex does not lead to a feeling of emptiness at all.

4DCreator · Jan 29, 2019

I have never felt empty and bad after having sex with my girlfriends. Sex is beautiful. The only thing that can happen is that sex can be draining if you getting rid of semen daily through sex. But I was still achieving my goals even I had sex and orgasm daily with my girl. It was the most beautiful time of connection. People they feel empty after sex probably have some issues.

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Does sex always lead to a feeling of emptiness?

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