Advice from 365+ members

Hey guys (gals included)! There is SO much advice on here and all kinds of ideas about how to No PMO longer. I'm curious to see what people who have made it over a year would say. What are REALLY the common keys to staying clean? Thanks!

 

I knew for a long time that I had habits that weren't healthy, and as much as I tried, I couldn't stop, but it took over 20 years for me to realize that I was an addict.


After innumerable relapses, going back on decisions I had made to stop watching porn and to stop masturbating, I was frustrated, depressed and emotionally drained.


I couldn't understand why I kept going back to it. Logic told me that it was harming my spirituality and damaging my social life, but the magnetic pull of that desire was stronger than me.


There was a huge hole in my heart and I was trying to fill it. All that mattered was filling that hole, but nothing and no one was big enough to fill it.


I needed it, deep inside I needed it. But why?? I couldn't understand. That's when l started to see the similarities between my situation and an alcoholic or drug addict.


So I started reading about the psychology behind addiction, the biology behind addiction and what an addict needs to do to break free.


Basically, to me, addiction is: repeating an action, by reflex, for an emotional reward, despite negative consequences, and if the action is stopped it causes withdrawal.


People are addicted to many different things: alcohol, drugs, sex, extreme sports, gambling, food video games, you name it. No matter the addiction, the mechanism behind them all is the same.


A person can be genetically predisposed to addiction but becoming addicted is the result of choosing to do something a first time or many times.


So, if addiction is the result of a choice, it can be un-chosen. Unfortunately, it is a million times easier to become addicted than to free oneself of an addiction.


Addiction is complicated. It involves hormones, chemicals in the brain, lifestyle, habits, trauma, affection deficit...there's no easy solution. Remission often involves drastic changes.


So the first step for me was realizing I was an addict and admitting it to myself. I finally had an explanation for my behavior, this gave me some relief. I wasn't wicked after all.


Then I needed to educate myself about all the goings on behind addiction, to understand why I kept doing it, why I would go through withdrawal and why I would relapse.


Now that I understood myself better I needed to plan. Plan what I would do when I went into withdrawal - keep myself busy. Plan what to do to avoid relapse - set limits, avoid temptation.


I had admitted to myself that I was an addict, I had educated myself about addiction, I had made a plan to change...it was a start, but it was only the beginning.

 

I dont even know the count anymore, been a long time since I PMO. Now as for an advice,hmm ,I personally asked God for help,I looked around at other people which I know they dont PMO either, I saw their happy, worry free life, I looked at mine then ,and I saw nothing but disgrace. A poor wanker afraid to talk to strangers , a wanker that was refusing to go buy something from the shop.
I said ,FUCK THIS LIFE ,its by time I end it. And so it started.

I'm afraid of God punishments for doing big sins (like this ) and I considered I need to stop doing them in order for me to restart a connection with Him and to be free of the worry that in a way or another I will be punished for what I m doing.. This fear is the only fear that I'm not ashamed to talk about. IMO if you fear God you fear nobody and nothing on this earth. I'm still nowhere near that but I'm trying to become a good person ,especially in the eyes of God.

God bless yall ,I hope he ll help you quit this LIFE-RUINING addiction!

 

Thanks for this post.

 

God bless you too and I am glad about your evolution.
Yet, consider avoiding cusswords, especially that one starting with f.

 

I'll post more about my journey soon.
While I was still heavy in my PMO addiction I read this book:
Love Addict: Sex, Romance, and Other Dangerous Drugs by Ethlie Vare
It really opened my eyes to the complexity of addiction and how determined a person has to be to quit.

 

I'm around 365 days now as well, and I'm not planning on watching porn ever again.

One of the main reasons I've made it this far is that I've had massive withdrawals and basically owe it to myself to abstain if I ever want to be healthy again. This has required determination. I've had many setbacks but eventually you open your eyes and realize that health is more important than an orgasm. I've realized you're not going to undo 10 years of massive addiction in 1 year of hard mode. No way. Which is why I'm all-in this time. 2 years at least is my aim, then, hopefully, freedom for life.

Once you've made it this far you also start realizing that although you became addicted and started needing it, you don't need porn, in fact, you are meant to live without it. It has no place in your life. It is selfish, and very much against nature. Masturbation serves no real purpose and is a type of self-abuse. The longer you go without pmo, the more you realize this. Especially the kidney stones have been the real eye-opener for me (have had these after each relapse). It has felt as if hell itself is mocking me for trying to improve my existence.

Then, you think about the future. Will I ever be healthy again, and married some day? Who is going to attract a beautiful mate more? A pmo addict or someone who's capable of controlling his desires? It's the capability to control ourselves that makes us human. I do not want to be married one day, God willing, and still be a pmo addict, jerking off to a pc screen behind my wife's back. You know? It's one of the lowest places you can go, when life blesses you with a beautiful girlfriend or wife, and you still feel as if you need more. I've been there, and it feels as if you are spitting life itself in the face. Pmo just sucks the life out of people. Chances are you'd never find a wife as you wouldn't have the energy to court one. I don't want to be at the end of my life and look back realizing I could have done more. It's the hardest thing I've ever done but I'd rather have my life in pieces right now than to be old and still be a slave to porn and masturbation.

Once you hit rock bottom, enter that withdrawal stage and life leaves you with nothing, no wife, no job, no health, your eyes are opened. Never take life or your own seed for granted. It's only when you do that you're going to have a chance at beating this addiction.

 

Basically what my man @bken has said. For people like him and I you get to a point with withdrawals you cannot function at all. The symptoms are unbearable, period. The only way out is proper recovery, lifestyle changes, one day at a time. Don’t worry about streaks and such that is a toxic mindset. Just focus on recovering.

When you truly get to a level like @bken and me you understand how damaging pmo is for the mind and body. I had intense head pressure for over a year.

It is not worth it.

 

Good point but can you be more specific about how to do that? I'm hoping this thread can give people specific steps to get clean.

 

How much did you limit your social media/internet usage?
How do you stop fantasizing?

 

When I started fighting the fantasies I had to force myself to change activities (not lay around), listen to audio books and I had an escape word (mine was potato but you can use any word not related to your addiction) just to switch your brain to another track.

 

What did you do to replace the porn habit?

 

Interesting. My escape word (phrase) was Pink Elephants.

 

Something I wrote when I was really struggling with addiction:

I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS, I REALLY DON'T.
But I'm curious… …maybe this will be the time that tips the hat…
…maybe nothing will happen…
Who am I kidding? I can't trust myself. I'm an addict.
The first step leads to the last step.
I know that I wouldn't be able to stop myself at that point.
I have to stop myself now.
(but I don't know how to stop)
I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS, I REALLY DON'T.
But it makes me feel good, normal, loved, of value…
No, it really doesn't.
It makes me feel like crap, used, worthless, unlovable!
IF I DID IT I WOULD JUST BE FEEDING THE BEAST,
CONTINUING THE CYCLE.