1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Warning. Very sick story.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by crackpanther, Dec 30, 2018.

  1. crackpanther

    crackpanther Fapstronaut

    24
    14
    3
    I forgot to add that the dog was lying against my leg and I sometimes had IT out in the open if I was gonna watch for a long time, and sometimes touched IT a bit to get more aroused from the P, eventually just watching P didnt give me the arousal I craved. The dog wasn't always next to me but the fact that I didn't care when it was and I just wanted the fix ASAP pisses me off now, it's like I was a drug addict that would do anything to get a fix. And nothing I did felt wrong. Thank you for replying.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2018
  2. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

    550
    1,002
    93
    We all have to learn how to move on from our past. Letting go from the things we did wrong and correcting that behaviour to have a better fufure for yourself is one of the hardest but worthwhile things you can do for yourself.
     
    hardowner likes this.
  3. crackpanther

    crackpanther Fapstronaut

    24
    14
    3
    Right now I don't feel like I deserve to move on but I hope that'll change. Thanks.
     
  4. Summer Son

    Summer Son Fapstronaut

    You are not alone. Today I masturbated to porn in a shopping mall's cinema toilet.
     
    throwmealine likes this.
  5. crackpanther

    crackpanther Fapstronaut

    24
    14
    3
    I'm sorry to hear that. Porn is a disease and people should be better informed regarding its negative aspects, especially the addiction part. Even though porn made me a sicko I still miss watching it, how is that even possible? I know how bad it is for me now but I can't stop thinking about it completely and a part of me still wants to watch it.
     
    Summer Son likes this.
  6. Summer Son

    Summer Son Fapstronaut

    Im general, I have watched porn in my all smartphones. People call me when I watch porn, they send me messages I watch porn in background. I am very hopeless man. And my education life is completely suck. I am poor, 20 years old man. Cried again. I remember my life before puberty, and it was awesome. I have had more life satisfaction. I had EMOTIONS! After tons of relapsing cycle, failures this is where I am as a 10 years of usage. It is not just about education, my life is going a bad place in general. I am more unhappy, depressed, have more concentration problems etc. And you know what? I try this maybe more than 5 years! Maybe I wanted to quit when I was started. I just can not understand man I can't. This is not me. And how pixels can altered people's life in this way.
     
  7. hardowner

    hardowner Fapstronaut

    555
    789
    93
    It's the brain. It can trick you into thinking that you like the most disgusting things, in order to get its dose. When it does, it stops the lie, that's why we feel shit afterwards. Just take your time and get over this obstacle like a boss. Nobody knew that porn is addictive and damaging, until we are immersed in the mud...
     
    crackpanther likes this.
  8. mdz

    mdz Fapstronaut

    122
    144
    43
    I was in a similar situation. My porn usage escalated from "vanilla porn",to femdom, and finally to sissy stuff. The things I did was so disgusting, and now after a long streak it feels so distant from what I am.

    Its not a part of you, its part of the addiction mechanism. Humiliating yourelf to get a kick (as in other addictions).

    Best thing you can do is to accept what is done is done, forgive yourself and move on in your struggle.

    good luck
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. whoami33

    whoami33 Fapstronaut

    Hi mdz, you've been off porn and masturbation for 500+ days ? how has been your journey ?
     
  10. Man, your case isn't that extreme. You're not a movie character who seeks redemption after crimes he had done. You're a real man who's life simply went wrong at some point, like lives of numerous other people.
    You know, I still feel guilty about everything I've done, and man, I had it worse. The thing is, I don't care that much about my past, because that's behind me. That's not the man I am now.
    So, don't make yourself a martyr, don't cry over spilled sperm, just deal with it like a real man. That's even more heroic than in the movies, right? Thank God you've noticed your mistakes, now set your goals and start as a 'new you'.
     
    crackpanther likes this.
  11. mdz

    mdz Fapstronaut

    122
    144
    43
    Hi!
    It has been a long journey. I started Nofap in October 2013 (when realizing I hit rock bottom). I relapsed many times. At beginning my porn free streaks were weeks. Then a couple of months. Last time I relapsed I managed to abstain from porn 220 days.
    Now i come to a point that i start to forget how it was to use porn and femdom chats. I think thats a good sign.

    I started to masturbate when i was 11, so i had. many decades to 'undo'.

    My typical withdrawals, symptoms:

    Physical:
    Nocturnal ejaculation (sometimes just orgasm)
    Blood in semen.

    Psychological:

    Irritability and lower tolerance.
    A couple of depressions lasting a week or so.
    Feelings of resentment, ruminating over past.
    Crying when i hear good music, or watch touching movies.
    General anxiety (not so often though)

    Things that got much better:

    Way less social anxciety
    Much less stuttering.
    I dont feel like a creep around women and people.
    I stopped viewing women through as porn/femdom objects.

    Last: I want to warn about the importance to keep your life as simply you can, while rebooting. It can take years.
    I made a mistake this summer: I had a quite good job with good colleagues, but decided to quit, and get another one, that was a bit more challenging. The new job was very stressy and a disaster. I should have waited longer, or maybe never change a good job. :)


    BR
    Mdz
     
    Deleted Account and whoami33 like this.
  12. whoami33

    whoami33 Fapstronaut

    and how old are you ?
     
  13. crackpanther

    crackpanther Fapstronaut

    24
    14
    3
    Have you considered getting professional help?
    Thanks. I guess since everyone is supportive here you all know that it's the addiction that made me blind to the disgusting things I did and not me.
     
    hardowner likes this.
  14. crackpanther

    crackpanther Fapstronaut

    24
    14
    3
    For me it wasn't about humiliating myself I just had to get the fix ASAP when I got the urge no matter what, I didn't care whether the dog was next to me or not. But thank you for confirming that the addiction is to blame and not me. Good luck to you too.

    Thanks for the kind words. Do you think you'll get past feeling guilty at all eventually? I mean once you accept it was nothing but the disease acting then shouldn't the guilt fade away completely? Glad to hear that you're free from the chains.
     
  15. crackpanther

    crackpanther Fapstronaut

    24
    14
    3
    I don't see how that's relevant but I'm an adult.
     
  16. whoami33

    whoami33 Fapstronaut

    @crackpanther well actually i was asking @mdz and just wanted to see how can i resonate with his story
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2018
  17. crackpanther

    crackpanther Fapstronaut

    24
    14
    3
    Oh, my bad.
     
  18. mdz

    mdz Fapstronaut

    122
    144
    43
    I am 52. Discovered that I had an addiction just before i should turn 47. I wish i knew earlier.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  19. whoami33

    whoami33 Fapstronaut

    i'm 25, what advice do you have for a 25 yo ? PMO related or unrelated.
     
  20. Exactly !
    We all watched and did horrible things during this addiction and now we use it not to relapse and to remember how stupid and despicable we became. This shit transformed us into monster and dehumanized people. Human devils study every detail to get u addicted and earn money from ur pain, so maybe we did the mistake to begin but its not all our fault. Everyone came back to life here and u can do it too! God let us another chance and he is the most Merciful, lets not waste it !
     

Share This Page