I need help

Your transparency is commendable, and i encourage to you get back up! One day, 100 days or 1000 of falling does not stop God from loving us. He wants us to overcome this, because He knows the pain it causes us and the separation it causes. Your relapse tells me that you have had some victories already, and there are more ahead. Dont let the enemy or any thoughts make you think there's no point in getting back up, or that you are doomed to this forever. We may or may not have to fight this for many years, but keep fighting, you know you fely better when you were beating it. You are not alone in your fight, many men have this battle, Jesus was man, and He is always with us.

II Timothy 2:22 NKJV
Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
- do not only think about not relapsing, but seek those other things too. Let Your focus be God and those things; righteousness, faith, love, peace.
- as long as our focus is on fighting this thing, we will unknowingly make it bigger than God.

I am here and will try my best to help you, just let me know. My Aus time throws things out, but i will do my best.

 

Yea that's exactly what happens. Very similar situation here.

Clearly you can get out of this. Even if God has designed it "impossible with man but possible with God", as a tool to draw us to Him. Do you understand what I am saying? God can use our hopelessness and sinfulness for His eternal purpose to draw us to Him. From His perspective we have already overcome. Obviously it's not game-over as long as you are alive, that's God's design. And He already knows that you are going to overcome. And He already knew that you would be doing what you are doing now when He first chose you. Didn't stop Him then. He already knew the whole time, when you had all those good experiences with Him. And also right now, He's already looking at the future.

Imagine what we can give to others once we have fought through this. I bet things look very different from the outside. And we'll be able to shine that light onto others in our former condition.

 

You are too quick, wasn't quite finished, there are some more edits to make it more clear

Edit: no need to apologize, I just wanted to point out there is more brother

 

How are you doing bro?
I hope you had a victory today, but if not there is tomorrow. Just keep going.

 

What are you freaking out about if you don't mind me asking?

 

Yea I know the feeling. Later you look back and just think "what the heck did I do?!" One is so overcome by the evil desire that I believe there must be a literal demonic spiritual component involved, but how exactly is beyond my knowledge and understanding.

The conviction that you want to stop can come from the Holy Spirit. So that's a good sign that God is fighting for you. We all have the same fallen nature, whether believer or unbeliever. The difference is that God shows mercy on His people. It's not that we earn it, by cleaning ourselves, but that He cleans us first, undeserved.

 

You got two days, thats great. You're fighting, and God sees that. We are in this together, and God knows our hearts and the struggle. We may feel shame and other people who dont understand may be unhelpful, but God knows us, and no shame is ever from Him. The holy-Spirit convicts so that we run to God, not away.

 

I've had similar feelings before, I can't remember if I ever did it the same night as church but there have definitely been a couple Mondays, and sometimes even after a really good message. And I get the same initial thoughts, "how can you possibly do this THAT soon after what you just heard"?

But, we've gotta remember that not only does timing not really mean anything(it's not like within 24 hours after a sermon it counts as a supersin or something), we also should look to the example of Peter. Dude was walking DIRECTLY with Jesus for 3 years, and less than 24 hours after Jesus told him you'll betray me tonight...he immediately went and did just that. In his case it was due to fear, and I think that's often the case for us too. Anxiety plays a big part in modern society, with the constant access to information, things, and the lives of other people on social media. And since we only see their highlights, it leads to us feeling like we're missing out or our lives are inadequate. What we don't see is their boring times of doing the dishes, or the fights in their relationships - we just see the happy pics while we sit at home, single and trying to avoid porn.

But here's the cool part - Peter was forgiven, and Peter moved on. And yes, he still screwed up a couple times even after all that, but he ultimately went on to write books of the Bible, be a leader in the church, and eventually had the bravery to die on a cross after all. Your failures are no worse than mine if they happen on a Sunday and mine on a Thursday, and Jesus covers them both.

With all that said, I do think it's helpful to try to analyze WHY slip ups happened. Were you bored? Anxious? Depressed? These are generally the symptoms for me, and it's usually tied to having been single for a long time now. But acknowledging that is an important step to seeing those warning signs in advance and fighting the temptation BEFORE it hits. Simply attacking yourself for a relapse doesn't allow God's forgiveness to take place, and it also doesn't help prepare you at all going forward.