Porn is a disease.

every time i relapse i fall deeper into it, it seems harder and harder to break free from, you made it 37 days so we both know you are capable of quitting, what you need is... the spark. The spark is what i call getting back on track, i can tell myself this will be the last time and than relapse the next day. For me i get the spark when i pray to God and ask him to give me it one more time, the spark is different from just attempted stopping, the spark is actual readyness and desire to quit, until you are truly ready to quit you never will, you have to beg God for another chance, beg for that spark, and trust me youll know when you have it, not only will your mind shift gears but youll have no desire to look at it, sure temptation will be there but that spark will turn into a ever growing raging fire of unbreaking spirit every day you resist it. Remember this, every day you fight the demons tormenting you, your hesitation will slowly fade with each new dawn, and one day you will emerge free.

 

Man you decided to watch it.

 

Reads like there is an underlying issue that the only cure you know for is PMO. Maybe you have to adress that issue first, whatever it is, could be trauma, could be other forms of dissatisfaction, because otherwise it's always going to drag you back.

 

The only underlying issue he has is addiction. TS and gay porn scream desensitization and very deep rooted porn addiction.

 

I understand what you are going through. I became extremely confused thanks to years of saturating my brain with TG porn. It is a terrible sickness, which made me incredibly depressed. But you need to know that white knuckling will only take you so far. You need to find a program that works for you. For me, the community of 12 step programs have saved my life.

This isn't going to go a way on its own. There is hope, you just have to be willing to make some sacrifices. But if this helps, the craving for that twisted porn will go away and your sexual preferences will realign.