I thought marriage would end my addiction...it only got it worse

Welcome to NoFap!

I understand why you set up a 1000 day challenge. I chose a 30 day challenge, not because I wanted to concentrate on the fap reward, but because I want to have reason to be proud of my progress.

Don't underestimate your brain. Every time I said "never, never again", I was booked for my next relapse. However, there are different approaches. If you really want to stop for good right now, I highly recommend reading cpf's journal

http://www.nofap.com/forum/showthread.php?28684-CPF-Journal

and checking into a method called 'urge surfing'. He mentioned it somewhere in his journal.

I wish you all the best!

 

Hey Atridue, I'm not married but I'll give you my best thoughts. First, congrats on taking this step to quit, the men and women on this site are really supportive and trust me, the support helps. Before Nofap, I couldn't quit, but through nightly journaling and setting challenges I've managed to stay PMO clean for over 120 days (although I don't have that in my sig). Needless to say, the support here is incredible, and I'm here to support you .

Second thing, setting a goal of 1000 days is really a great goal, but trust me, after a while its going to seem like 1000 days is unattainably far away. Its alot harder to track progress that way, so my suggestion is to set some smaller goals, like 7 or 10 days to start with, and increase the challenge time progressively. Keep the 1000 days counter going too, along with a smaller counter. Personally, when I have those smaller goals it really helps me to feel proud of my accomplishments, and it makes the goals seem more attainable. Those little victories are great! Its kindof like weight training, one has to work their way up to the heavy weights, but with time the muscle builds and more weight can be lifted.

Third and finally, cutting the porn from your life should revive your sex drive and all of that business. That must be a very difficult struggle and I'm sorry your going through that - but you are assuredly not alone, and you've taken a stand to change things, so good for you. Your ability to have sex should be restored when you quit the PMO (Porn,Masterbation,Orgasm). I'm sure there are more than enough resources to back up the positive physical side effects of quitting PMO that you can find from this site. And if you ask around, people who are more educated than I am will be able to help you out.

I don't know whether its good advice or not to involve your wife in this struggle by telling her about your addiction because I am not very experienced in that department - I personally would think so if you don't already, but I would ask some advice of that nature of the other men on this site in the "Relationships" page of the forum. Its kind of up to you. I think the support of a wife to quit would be really beneficial though.

Hope that all helps, keep strong brother! We're in this together fighting the same fight for a better self!

 

I can totally relate, atridue. I, too, was embarrassed to the max about my addiction and felt that if my wife (then fiancee) knew about it or knew who I really was, she would hate me and rightly so.

I was so afraid I might lose what I had. But after a long time, I realized that I was already losing it. This wasn't an engagement, this was a stage show. I was living a shallow version of myself. And she deserved to have the right to decide if she wanted the real me. The pressure of my lie got so high I couldn't take it anymore. And so I took the first step. I decided that I would tell her. Not how, not when, but that I'd do it. That alone started a healing process in me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to pressure you into doing anything. Just be aware that honesty is one of the key factors for recovering from this. Maybe the honesty on this board can be your first step.

(Btw: Check on your counters. They are saying two different things.)

 

Glad I could help Keep me updated