the nice guy vs the badass

No offense, dude but the desperation in your post is pretty funny. It just reeks of "Oh, oh! PLEASE help me get laid!" You don't get girls by being a gentlemen, or a badass (whatever the hell that means) or a nice guy. You get them by being yourself, period. Yes you may initially spark a woman's interest by being an edgy maverick. But in the long run the jig will eventually be up. She'll figure you out for the fraud that you are (or are not)

 

What do you think a definition of a gentleman is ?
List the qualities of a gentleman and see how you measure up. A gentleman will always fair best when it comes to the ladies because women end up with pushovers or bad guys obviously some emotional dysfunction in their own characters. Women who date pushovers are usually controlling and women who date bad guys have a subconscious craving to be pushed around/mistreated/cheapened.

You dont have to stop being yourself to be a gentleman - you just try to be the best version of yourself that is possible.

 

I guess the question that I asked when I read your posts was:
Are you hoping to catch the eye of a girl that you like because of superficial reasons? My experience has been that if you are, you may also stand to be judged by those same standards. I like triangle's advice, and though maybe ProgDeMettle didn't put it in the kindest way, his point is also valid that you need to be yourself. Be your best self, and try to view women through the same realistic (and non-superficial) lens you would hope to be viewed and I bet you will find someone you will be comfortable with and not have to worry about maintaining a facade all the time.

 

Actually that's not entirely true. For a deep insight on the psychological reasons of control-based relationship I recommend taking a look at Escape from Freedom by Erich Fromm.

But I agree with this. Answering to your question, @Namekian23:

First, is not just two categories. There are a lot of grayscales in that. There are extremes, and our mind tends to remember those. But you can be a nice guy yet attract girls like a beast.

This is the fine line you're looking for:

Being a gentleman, a leader, etc. is based on one variable.

Absence of fear.

There are socially accepted traits like being very polite and stuff like that, but that's just a consequence. The idea of the true leader is someone who takes what he wants without fear of the consequences.

Of course, girls are attracted to bad guys because they take what they want —it's just that what they want isn't good. But the part of the brain that controls attraction isn't that prepared to understand "OMG, that bad guy is doing something so wrong!!! I'm not attracted!"

The attraction is there. That's why women have those debates (sometimes internal) about whether letting her feelings override their conscious decisions or not. "Oh we just like bad boys" Really? You don't know what you want lol.

So the fine line is absence of fear. You MUST work on that.

I don't consider myself a gentleman, but I was a pussy before and now I can get a girl whenever I want. I was friendzoned to the extreme I once faked ignoring that my crush was talking to her new "suitor" right before me. But my current station is not a fake pose.

I worked hard to overcome those fears until the point they are nonexistent. The consequences?

Confidence through the roof, absence of need (which derives from fear, since you can't get what you want) and attracting girls without effort. Plus I'm still a nice, very sociable guy who talks with anyone.

I expanded on the post I wrote here on nofap on my blog with a huge post on attracting girls, if you care to check it out. I hope it helps.

 

If you're unhappy with how you are currently, and want to become more (gentle)manly, I suggest you go to Art of Manliness (google it, it'll be on the top of the search) and read up on some of their articles on honor and manhood. Go ahead and do that now.

Back? Okay, good. Now, google Chivalry-Now and read their articles, and study the Twelve Trusts. They're also an organization you can join, so this may be as far as you need this post. If you'd like to just join them, or perhaps join nobody and just learn from as many good, solid sources as you can, then that's fine.

Don't want to join them, but still want to join somebody? Message me.

 

Women are a lot like men.
The moment an attractive women walks in that door , you just know if you would ever go out with her or not. Personality can only get you so far.(Note you do not need to be attractive in a general sense however you do need to be pretty in her eyes, that is all that matters at the end of the day).

The same thing happens with women, there are no point for you to be anyone but who you are.
Trust me she has already decided if she will ever go out with you the moment you walked in, and unfortunately there is very little that you can do to change that.
Plus why would you want to change yourself for a girl anyway, in the long run it will just end up biting you in the ass .( my experience xD)

 

Yeah I've also heard or read that about fear. That it never goes away completely, and that the true difference is some people summon the courage etc.

But I think that's just wording or an interpretation. I mean, there's always some resistance and I'm sure if you put a brain scan or something like that you see the same areas of the brain activating, and then the fearless guys activate some different areas of the brain to compensate that and whatever.

But the takeaway here is it becomes to a point where its final effect is so tiny that it's virtually nonexistent.

It's not like I feel the same amount of paralyzing fear but then I summon extraordinary godly confidence and willpower to overcome that. No.

For example when I have to talk to a group of people I don't feel any inner pressure now, I'm super relaxed most of the times, whereas before I sweated like a pig and wanted to get out asap.

With girls it's the same. Maybe there's some hesitation at times in certain situations, but in general it's not a paralyzing train of thought and anxiousness when I approach, that I force myself to overcome because I'm more man or anything. I was as afraid as you think of yourself or even more. I was still a kissless virgin at 24. I'm doing my best to explain how it feels inside, I hope my point gets across.

How do you achieve that? I spent time working on different aspects, but looking back, the key aspects are:

1. Learning why those fears are irrational (that is, searching for valuable info, reading, asking, etc.)
2. Breaking down my goals into smaller steps (as I advised this guy in the comments). If you don't have a clue about how to talk to girls, but you can't even put advice to practice because of your anxiousness, then focus on fixing your anxiousness first by saying one single line and that's it. It seems like far away from your final goal, but if you understand it is part of the whole process you actually do the work and transformation can happen really fast. Really in weeks. That's why you do the first step.
3. Then of course, taking action. If your next step is approaching girls to ask about the weather while looking into her eyes and that's it, then do the work. Go out and talk to a minimum of 3 random girls every day about X. I'm of course using an example.

Your body starts to getting used to the new behavior very quickly. From internal experience I can tell you too that those small wins also compound and the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts.

In other words, those small wins make it easier and easier to overcome those other obstacles without specific training.

For instance I don't have anxiety problems talking to groups of people. When I did the presentation of a big project I nailed it. And just as I finished I started talking outside to two cute girls I didn't know. I was that relaxed. Did I take any classes on public speaking? No. But my improvement in confidence by learning the social skill necessary to attract girls made it natural for me.

Thanks for bringing up the topic. I hope it helps.

 

Nice guys are horrible. They are manipulative; they act nice just to get laid.

Badasses are more aligned with themselves, but they are usually very insecure inside.

Why not be the one guy, that we all have in us: The Good Guy. Let your soul vibe freely and it will attract the people who it's supposed to.

 

There is a lot of generalizations of expectations of what men and women are in some of these posts. I'm not sure if it's ignorants or what, but I think some of you really need to go out and start meeting women, all kinds of different women, and stop the generalizations.

People are products of all kind of events usually stemmed from emotions created by their environment. There are a lot of good reasons certain things will work with certain women. Honestly, take a look at the huge amount of physiological conditions created by family/friends/people plus mental conditions. You're talking on a massively complex level, and to break it down as two types of scenarios is a little offensive, at least to me.

Sorry for the rant. Sick of generalizations based on the understanding we as people had decades ago. With everything we know about psychology now, these types of generalizations need to stop.

Edit: I will also say, a lot of what TotalLifeChange is so bang on. If you take something away from what he says at least let it be, expand your mind. Allow yourself to take unfamiliar paths, do things that make you anxious and learn from them. You will never grow if you don't basically do what TotalLifeChange says, confront yourself.

Good luck dude, seriously. We're all taking new paths together.