35 and Older Accountability Group

Regarding loneliness, I don't know who said this originally but it is accepted wisdom in Christian circles that part of spiritual growth is letting loneliness turn into solitude. In both situations we are alone but in the first we have feelings of fear, isolation and separation, whereas in the second we are alone but at peace and still somehow connected.

So sometimes the problem isn't actually loneliness, per se, but fear. One way I try to work with feelings of loneliness is first to identify the fear that I am feeling, e.g. I am afraid that I will be by myself forever, or that everyone else will be happy but me. Next I try change the "tone" of my thought to a more accepting and peaceful tone. So if my thought was "Oh no I'm going to be alone forever" (fearful tone) I try and change that to "Yes, I might be alone forever, and that's ok." (accepting, peaceful tone). So the core content of the thought doesn't change (I will be alone) but the tone changes from fear to acceptance. I sometimes practice this by speaking it out loud too so that I can hear the change in tone for myself.

In summary, learning to deal with loneliness is realising that the things we are afraid of are not actually that bad at all.

 

Dear @Freeman82 many thanks for this insight into your thoughts and inpiration to turn lonelyness into solitude. That's exactly what I want to try to achieve. But until I read your post, I didn't knew it conciousley. You opened my eyes, now I know what I wanna work on activeley. Thanks!

 

Thanks so much!

 

Just reinstalled the blocker on this laptop. used it again beforehand for like 3 hours for P and feel like absolute crap. I hate P for how it makes me feel. I should be looking for another job, not using P to avoid that stress. Eesh, i'm pissed with myself. Will just start again now and go for a streak 1 day at a time. Going for day 1 now. Would be happy with a 2 or 3 day streak as well.

 

We all have to begin somewhere and as @Heretogrow mentioned, just Start @FreebirdFH.

On another note, I conquered my first weekend!!

 

In Europe , still ok?

 

I'd like to join if you haven't maxed out. I have 11 days behind me and am on Day 12.

 

Hope everyone is doing well on the challenge. Am staying home more these days but able to concentrate on studying by watching educational/technical videos. This would have been very hard before I joined the group.

 

I passed my first seven days of no-PMO (I updated m counter to no-PMO, it said: no-PM till today. But no. I chnange to the hard mode). The bginning was quite hard. My thoughts still circled around P and M. In fact more around M than P as I felt some urge to touch me - and after some days had some pain. Since some two days, the pain is gone and as well my thoughts are calming down. I signed up for the free newsletter in the NoFap Academy (you find the link on the homepage) and downloaded a small booklet. Both, the newsletter and the booklet, give some good advice how our brains work and how to changethe bad habits against good habits. I did this with starting to learn to play the piano - for a long time I had this plan, but sitting on the sofa watching P and doing M was easier. That was, what I thought. But sitting with a good video tutorial at the piano is as easy - and it brings a lot of joy. So I can strongly recommend: start with something meaningfull that is EASY and brings you joy!

 

That's a great step! Change your bad habits against good ones. Keep on...

 

Please do

 

This is big progress! You're making really good decisions. Delighted for you.

 

Love it!! Good luck with the big changes!! I so far have traded PM for learning how to cook. Way more practical!

 

Hi guys checking inn, still strong. I´m in Uruguay for those that asked. Yersterday a dog bit me while riding on the motorcycle, bummer, now I´m tied to my house and being alone, so yea, things got hard!!!!!!! everything is set up perfectly to fall, but I wont.

 

Go for a Walk!

 

Ugh. Relapsed. Back up.

I need to check in every day, probably every hour. I didn’t want to write this or even own up to it.

I hope everyone else is doing good. I’ll be your reminder to never give in.

I’ve reset my counter to zero but it looks like it’s taking its sweet time updating.